Your take on having children later in life?

froggy27_2

Enjoy yourself and do it when YOU are ready... I had a great job travelling the world, a long term partner but was just not ready for kids.. I kept saying one day maybe... then I was 35 and thought maybe now i'm ready for a change.. i needed a break from work, resign, did some temping for a while and fell pregnant.. Now I am so happy with my little girl and really happy i did it this way round, career then children cos i wasn't ready before.
Good luck...

Sarahsaver

My Dad was 55 when I was born, and my mum was 33, in 1970. I thought other people were odd because their parents were so young! I got the benefit of their having such interesting lives, Dad was in world war 2 as a medic, and mum was born at the start of the war. Both worked all their lives since 14 and 15. Mum had my sister when she was 36. I think it was good because we were really aware that we were the centre of their world, and that they had got a lot of their own 'living' out of the way before we came along. Sadly my dad died when I was aged 15. I believe that having young kids kept him youthful, and he was always very active. i know people state that a a reason for not having kids too late is you may die whilst they are young, but none of us knows what is around the corner.
However, I had my first aged 26, and by 31 was a mum of three. I often think that it would be great to have had them younger because now I could have feasibly had teenagers instead of preschoolers! I travelled quite a bit before I had kids, and they have been abroad twice with me. Your life doesnt stop it just changes more than you could imagine.
Too late such as the woman who has had IVF at a very late age i think is wrong, and a bit selfish.
Conclusion? Don't really have one. Anyone can afford to have children. It depends what lifestyle you want alongside. If money is the most important factor there is always the choice not to have kids, which can also be a very responsible and valid life choice.

squarecat

I just had to add my tuppence worth.

Think about what you want, but be realistic. I just imagined that one day I would start trying and it would happen. Now nearly 5 years later I am just starting down the road of invasive fertility treatment (IVF late 2005/2006). I always maintained I would like at least 2 children, now that has gone out the window.

I originally turned down career opportunities because I thought it would happen quickly. Now it is difficult to juggle work and time for treatment.

Lillibet_2

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my first and will be 30 tomorrow ( :P). And I live in a part of Surrey where, far form being over 35, most women seem to have their first before they have left school!
when we first met (5 years ago) neither of us were too keen on the idea of having children but as we have grown together our ideals have changed. We got married 2 eyars ago with a "one day" in mind for children but no definate plan.
I have never been career minded, I work to live, not live to work, so that wasn't a factor in our decision. Quite simply neither my husband or myself felt ready for the responsiblity before now. I didn't want to "resent" all the things we'd be missing out on due to the ties of a child or be too immature to experience & maximise the joys.
Hubby & I are very travel orientated and enjoy taking long exotic holidays & trips to out of the way places that we won't be able too with a child. We needed to be in place here we weren't going to feel deprived of these things when the time came to stop. We like having lots of disposable income building up in savings, it makes us feel secure, so we needed to be sure we had a big enough cushion when I give up work (I plan to be a stay at home mum, at least for the first 3-5 years).
I was slightly concerned about leaving it later due to there being a history in my maternal line of fertiltiy problems & early meonpause (mid 30's). In spite of this, and in spite of having been on the pill for 14 years, I conceived in the first cycle & was previoulsy tested for early meonpause symptoms (of which there were none, it was a simple blood test). However, we always knew that by delaying things we were running the risk of it not happening at all and we were happy with this risk.
The predominant factor which made us look at our " one day" decision was that last year my dad was diagnoized with Parkinsons disese and I want my child to know his Grandad whilst he's still fit & healthy enough to play with him. This made us think about when the "one day" should be.
Apologies if I'm reambling a bit. I guess my point is that we now feel the time is 100% right for us & we wouldn't have been happy with anything less. It's a huge life change & responsiblity at the best of times, I can't imagine it if we weren't totally behind the decision.
Go with your gut feeling is my advice. Don't be preassurised by friends or family. It's your life that will change the most and if the time is right the change can only be for the better

HTH
Lillibet

Milky_Mocha

Me, I married at 26 and didn't want children. Got broody, and had no. 1 at 32, no. 2 at 34 and no. 3 at 36.

I find that totally inspiring. I hope to start at 30, have a second at 33 and then call it quits.

But why people think they have the right to enquire about and comment on your plans in any case I'll never know: it can be very hurtful if you're trying but not conceiving, or know you can't, or are having investigations etc.

Ah, I hadn't thought about that. It's so true. Imagine if we were having such problems. I'd be livid if they kept asking then!

Milky_Mocha

I'm 8 weeks pregnant with my first and will be 30 tomorrow ( :P).

Congratulations!

I have never been career minded, I work to live, not live to work, so that wasn't a factor in our decision.

To be honest its not so much the work itself that thrills me but the money!! Its just that when you can see a clear path or ladder up ahead of you and the prize is a few rungs above you it can be tempting.

I didn't want to "resent" all the things we'd be missing out on due to the ties of a child

That's exactly what's happening to most of my friends and sometimes I can't help feeling that they try to give me such a hard time because they are actually a little bit jealous ???

It's your life that will change the most and if the time is right the change can only be for the better

In one case (a relative and not a friend) my aunt kept promising my cousin (not her daughter but her niece) that if she has kids she could be counted on to babysit. Now the aunt always has some excuse not to babysit. At the end of the day it is my life that will change

Milky_Mocha

I just had to add my tuppence worth.

Think about what you want, but be realistic.  I just imagined that one day I would start trying and it would happen.  Now nearly 5 years later I am just starting down the road of invasive fertility treatment (IVF late 2005/2006).  I always maintained I would like at least 2 children, now that has gone out the window.  

I originally turned down career opportunities because I thought it would happen quickly.  Now it is difficult to juggle work and time for treatment.  

My heart goes out to you. I pray that you conceive soon. I understand these treatments are expensive as well as distressing sometimes. I'll bear this in mind and will wait no later than 31. I wish you all the best.

hilstep2000

We were married for 5 years before I felt ready to have a baby. People kept asking us after a year "When are you going to have a baby then?" I thought it was really insensitive, supposing we couldn't have had children?
Anyway, we had our daughter when I was 26 and my son when I was 31, which I liked because it was like having an "only" again, and he got as much attention as she did.
They are now 18 and 14, and lovely kids, I did think about having another three years ago, (I'm now divorced and with a new man) but then I thought at 42 I was getting on, (and he's 9 years older than me) so now we've decided to wait for our grandchildren!!
Good luck to you, whatever you decide, it's no one's decision but yours and your husbands.

Edinburghlass_2

I did think about having another three years ago, (I'm now divorced and with a new man) but then I thought at 42 I was getting on, (and he's 9 years older than me) so now we've decided to wait for our grandchildren!!
Good luck to you, whatever you decide, it's no one's decision but yours and your husbands.

I was three weeks off 43 before I had my first and only child

Spendless

I was three weeks off 43 before I had my first and only child

and belated congratulation to you e'lass :-*

I was talking to a mum this week who had her first at 40 he is now 18 months and she said she'd like another but feels she's left it too late.

I told her to do what she wants without worrying what anyone else thinks.

Husband is interested in his family tree and has been digging back to mid 1800s.

We're coming across a lot of his female relatives who were having children in their 40s - course they also had about 7 children each - but that's another thread ;D

Best wishes to the OP