Your take on having children later in life?

Milky_Mocha

I was three weeks off 43 before I had my first and only child

You must be very fit. Did you conceive easily?

jellyhead

there are some mums in the playground who are in their 40's. nobody thinks it's odd. i had my first at 24, i was halfway through uni and he was unplanned. i'd thought i'd wait for marriage and kids until i was at least 30 but my feelings changed once i was pregnant.

anyway, at the time (9 years ago) 24 was the average age for having a first child. they said 25 was 'elderly'. i think the average age for having a first child is now around 28, people are leaving it later and waiting until you're 30 wouldn't make you unusual. most people in my town have their first in their teens but nationally that's pretty young.

i thought 24 was young but i'd had a lot of freedom and had done everything i was ever likely to want to do. i think that's important, you should wait until you are both ready and not let anyone else try to interfere with that. if you're 30-ish you should also be in a better position - if you want to be a stay at home mum your hubby is more likely to be earning enough money to support you. a friend at work had her baby at 17, her hubby has had to leave uni and get a job, etc - they're very happy but it's not what i'd want for myself. i think if i'd had a baby any younger than 24 i'd have been too immature to be a good mum.

elona

I agree with the idea of waiting till you are both ready for children and if you are a bit older and have already done what you want you are less likely to resent the change to your lives.

A friend of mine was nagged unmercifully by her mother to have a baby ( she had already decided she did not want children) but eventually suggested" alright Mum, if I have a baby and you will look after it all week from 8am to 6pm so that I can keep working as we need my salary to pay the mortgage, then we will consider it".

Mum's reply "But I would have to give up my job. I like my job!"

Never let anyone pressure you into what you know is not right for you.

I now have 4 children( the last when I was 43) the first when I was nearly 35 (twins) but they were all wanted and a conscious decision by us both.

jellyhead

i also think it's important to wait until you both want kids, rather than one of you wanting them and the other being persuaded because they want to make their partner happy. you'll be more likely to stay together if it's what you both wanted, there will be no resentment and you'll both be happy :-)

nikkikl

I think Milky, you will know when the time is right.  Or the time could be chosen for you if you end up with an accident like both of mine were  ;D   Don't let anyone badger you into having kids, tell them you will when you are ready, not before.  

At the prime old age of 34 I have an 11 year old girl and a 7 year old boy (full set) and hubby wants another - I certainly do NOT want another one, no way, not no never!  In the same way as I KNOW I don't want anymore kids, you will KNOW when you want to start a family.  That's the right time.  

The only thing I would say is don't rely on your employer thinking you are indispensible because once you are pregnant, you may find you are viewed as a burden with all the free time off they have to give you etc etc.  That's my experience anyway so I hope it is different for you!

Good luck

Nikki
x

nearlyrich

I had my 2 at 25 & 26 and now at 43 have a 19 and a 17 year old, a great career and the freedom and the money to go on the long haul holidays. Don't get me started on the cost of educating them (LOL) I think what I did was right for me and what you do should feel right for you, good luck with whatever you decide.

Savvy_Sue

I find that totally inspiring. I hope to start at 30, have a second at 33 and then call it quits.

I never said my 3 were all planned!

I think Milky, you will know when the time is right. Or the time could be chosen for you if you end up with an accident like both of mine were ;D

SO true. Name a method of contraception, and I can name a child born when her/his parents were using that method. ;D That's not 'know of', that's know a child!

With three exceptions:

1. 'newer' feminine methods, such as the femidom, sponge, which were only just around when I was mixing in baby circles but are not highly rated as reliable anyway.

2. 'newer' methods which I've only heard about as trials, such as hormone implants for women and pills for men.

3. female sterilisation - don't personally know any babies born after mum had her tubes tied, but did hear of a case where mum conceived TWICE after sterilisation, and I think her hubby had had the snip as well!!!

crankup

Our first was born when I was 34. She's now 3. We have our 2nd due in March. The missus is a year older than me.

I think its brilliant. I backpacked, partied and changed career throughout my 20s before settling down, getting mortgaged etc. at about 30. Likewise for the missus. All of our friends have had late families too. At pre-school I see more people my age with their kids than early 20s. It seems the same when we take our 3yr old to parties too. She's the one with the active social life, not us

It seems you either have kids pre-16 or post-30 these days!!!

Peakma

30 sounds fine, not old at all. I had my 1st at 21, but my partner is 10 years older than me.I have 3 now and I'm nearly 28, I love them all very much and wouldn't be without them .At playgroup there are quite a few mothers who are in their late 30's.I do sometimes (often) long for more me time, the nearest I get to "going out " is popping to the local shop on my own(luxury ,I dont have to spend the whole time yelling put that down,NO you cant have bubble gum,stop it you'll knock the display over!!-and I leave the shop with what I went in for!) or only other eves out seem to be to attend playgroup committee meetings!
Although I did go away with a friend for a few days in December, and I missed the kids like mad!
I f I'm honest I do wish I'd done more things to develop who I am before becoming a mother.When I look at the house completely trashed and none of it's down to me,and I was up til midnight the day before cleaning up the same stuff.....I do kind of think I should be half way through travelling the world , sat on a beach in Austrailia eyeing up georgeous surfer types taking it easy......mmm....
But at the same time I'll still be relatively "young" when they're grown up.
What I miss most is staying up all night painting or being creative and being able to sleep in the daytime.
Have kids when its right for you, but in my opinion people who choose never to go there because they like things as they are , will really miss out on the greatest(though hard work) blessing of life. When you first meet the baby that you have been feeling move around inside you , you feel a surge of love that is too amazing to explain, and it stays forever(even when they drive you completely crazy!)

Lucie_2

Most of my friends seemed to hit the 29/30 mark when they started to have babies. I think most people like to feel "settled" before they start a family - house, relationship, career etc so that they can devote more time & energy to the baby when it arrives without having to worry about too much else.
These are only my observations of other people, not personal experience. Neither me or my husband want any children (despite all our friends saying "you'll be first!" when we got married) because we like our life just as it is. I did think I might hit 30 & then bang; my biological clock would go off like a rocket, but it hasn't happened.

You only get one life & it's yours, not anyone elses.