Your take on having children later in life?

bridiej

I'm 32 next birthday and thinking of maybe starting a family in a couple of years.

We have already discussed and agreed that if I dont fall pregnant naturally we wont go for any tests or fertility treatment. I think if one of us knew something was wrong with the other one it might be a cause of arguments or something to throw back in the others face, plus I cant bear the thought of becoming one of those people who is so obsessed with having a baby that it takes over their life and eventually splits the couple up (perhaps I have been watching too much Brookside?)

Squarecat - good luck to you, fingers crossed!

Tillymynt

I'm expecting my first child now, I'll be 36 when s/he is born. We only started trying in July, and became pregnant in September - this despite the fact that I have PSOS, and had been told by the hospital that we might need some help in conceiving.

Every hospital visit we attend is fantastic, with a great sense of relief, ticking off the milestones. I've just had my triple test results and have a 1:1050 chance of having a baby with Downs.

I must admit that while everything SEEMS to be going well, I am very concerned about the potential difficulties that can be present with more 'mature' mothers.

However, from my perspective, I can heartily recommend waiting until later on. Obviously this is working for out well for US, (so far) but won't necessarily work for everyone.

Tillymynt

chardonnay wrote:

understand how you feel about all the questions. myself and my dp aren't going to have any kids, but we have a wonderful life together. annoying thing is other people sticking their nose in with unwanted advice and asking when we will have kids or making hints. like someone else said it is very insensitive as you don't know the reasons behind the decision.

We had exactly the same thing - we've been together for 15 years, and had always maintained that we didn't want children. And we didn't. We loved our life together as it was. I already knew that I would (apparently) have difficulties in conceiving, but we weren't upset about it - as we weren't in the market for having any little 'uns anyway.

When I hit 30, I did start feeling quite broody (the old maternal body clock kicking in), but in my more lucid moments I realised that my life would change far too much if we were to have any children - plus at that stage, 'im indoors was still perfectly happy for us to be a childfree couple, and I wasn't prepared to get pregnant without his being fully on board too.

And then, out of the blue, last March, we both decided at the same time that actually, we would quite like to try and start a family. And here we are - after starting to 'try' in July, I'm now 20 weeks pregnant.

I guess what I'm trying to say is 'never say never' - one way or the other. It's quite possible, to make decisions in your early twenties, and find that they aren't the same things you want when you hit your mid 30s.

Society has changed so much now - it's quite possible for women to have succesful careers AND a family. If that's what you want.

Also remember, (to the original poster) that mother nature doesn't always work to our schedule. We were 'lucky' in that it only took us two months to get pregnant, but I know of quite a few friends who have been trying for years without any success.

jellyhead

the only thing that would put me off recommending putting off kids until later is that it's harder to get help with fertility if you're older, especially if you have PCOS. some doctors are very much against the idea of prescribing clomid for over 35's although it will also depend on other factors such as obesity, smoking etc. it's probably easier to get treatment if you can afford to go private and time between appointments will be shorter too.

Spendless

The thing is the only way to know if you've got a problem is to try. I conceived 3 times in my 30s each time in the first month but people younger than myself tried for longer.

It always amused me that i had had 2 pregnancies conceiving in 1st month and my mum had conceived straight away with me and my sister but when sis wanted to start a family she asked her husbands sister and got the answer almost a year and then my sister conceived in 1st month also and was amazed!!

Perhaps she'd have been better off asking a family member.lol ( i realise it doesn't always happen that way though).

jellyhead

you must be a fertile family lol! i know a girl who concieves straight away, she's terrified of forgetting to take the pill :-)

RCB28

Going back to the original post I had my children at 23 and 25. I was working in banking and I had a degree in Law (so I could have chosen career). My husband and I decided however that we wanted kids as soon as possible.

A lot of pressure is put on women to have a 'Career' first nowadays.... well that's all well and good but your body is still at it's peak for children in your twenties. The risk of infertility and Downes increases with age and you have more energy the younger you are. My husband and I are now nearing 30 and I am so glad we had our kids when we did. They are 3 and 5 now and so much fun, not that they weren't before, but we can go anywhere with them now with very little planning or preparation time.

Children enrich your life and the love you feel for them is indescribable. If you put it off until you have the perfect house you will never do it. If you wait until your career reaches its pinnacle you will resent leaving it. Besides, all the career women I know have dreaded the thought of going back to work after they have had a baby.

We are self-employed and luckily get to spend lots of time with our son and daughter. Christmas is fantastic, we feel the excitement for the kids as if it were us opening the presents all over again! We can swing on swings, slide down slides and generally act silly... no-one bats an eyelid!

Quite simply it is an absolute blessing to be a parent...I feel very lucky indeed to have two healthy children and to know that there's a good chance I will see my grandchildren, perhaps even great grandchildren!

They have not put any restrictions on our lives at all...quite the opposite! I would urge anyone thinking about having kids, go for it!!

redsared

My parents had me when my mum was 36 and my dad nearly 38 - I'm now 23 and have a great relationship with them. At that time, as someone else has said, my mum was way older than all the other mums but now that's nothing and many mums are this age. My parents wanted a large family, and unfortunately tried for ten years before my mum got pregnant with me and I'm an only child. My mum's sister on the other hand got married and had kids in her late teens, so although she is a few years younger than my mum her kids are in their mid thirties and she has two fab grandchildren, the oldest is eight.

I will probably wait until I'm in my thirties to have children, but that's because I'm not in the right stage of my life to do so yet, relationship and settled wise, although many may be at my age and my plans may well change. I think the point I'm trying to make is that things don't always happen as and when you want them to and that there is never really a right or wrong time to have kids. A good parent is a caring one, and that doesn't really matter if you're in your teens or your forties.

RCB28

good point...
my mom had me when she was 32 after 12 years of trying and 5 miscarriages, even at that age I was conscious that mom was older than most other moms. I am also an only child.

Consequently I wanted kids in my twenties and I wanted at least two. I think women my age have been told so many times 'Career First' that they often put it off and can regret it later. I remember friends my age saying 'Wow, you're having babies already?' etc.... they are all trying now, 3 of whom are having problems and they're not even 30 yet.

Infertility can affect all ages but at least starting early gives you more time to get things sorted.

jellyhead

i just read in prima baby that the average age for a first time father is 31.