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Lunar_Eclipse

smartpicture wrote: »

He is being a silly old fool.

However - I presume what you want to achieve at the end of the day is a continuing stable marriage with the man you love. Therefore you should be listening to the warning signlas he's giving that he's looking for something 'more' in his life - not necessarily an affair, just facing up to 'is this it?' and wanting a bit more excitement in life. So start thinking of acceptable ways to help this happen - for both of you.

For a start, your post comes across as very negative to change or new ideas, for example, 'we never, ever do that', 'he never does that' - as if that's a good enough reason for never doing anything new. He's asked you to go along to some of the new things, and you've turned him down, so he's doing them on his own - is that really what you want? Be prepared to suggest you join him in some of these outings with an open mind, to see what he's getting out of them - and suggest some new joint activities of your own, that you would enjoy more.

You've done well to pick up on the early warning signs that he's not contented with his current life, so now you need to react to them by digging yourself out of your current rut - unless you want to be left behind.

I completely agree with this, it's all excellent advice.

Your husband sounds like he's having a sort of mid life crisis. So I suppose you have three options:

1) You confront him and discuss what is going on, hoping he 'sees sense' and you go back to your old routine.

2) You let him get on with it by himself and you carry on as you both have until now. Things might go back to 'normal', or he could become attracted to someone else.

3) You keep yourself very much part of his life, doing new things that you feel uncomfortable in doing. Think of it as compromise, the basis of a good marriage.

As difficult as it is for you, I would rather be with him (on these silly drunken escapades) than sitting home alone, wondering where it will all lead. I think option 3 will be the most successful.

Odette

This is just my opinion and Im only 24 so...take it as you will, but...Sounds like perhaps you could make a little more effort to be a bit more social with him? I mean, go out together as a couple to the events you were mentioning. If hes on Fb all the time then hes lonely. Why dont you go out with him, or throw a dinner party or something?

CAFCGirl

For my tuppence worth.....

And I dont mean to cause offence, but it sounds like your hubby is bored.
Bored of his life, bored of what he thinks is coming next, bored of thinking that all his life will amount to for the future is dinner at 6pm, reading the newspaper and watching t.v....

I understand that you'd like to have family chat time with him etc, but exactly what do you talk about? Or what do you think you'll talk about.

Yes I do believe its important in a marriage to be involved in each others daily lives, how was your day etc.... but if thats all the conversation is about, and the answers are always the same, you'd stop listening....

My DH and I have been married two years in march, not a long time I know.....
But I reached a point where every day he was asking me how my day at work went, the answer was the same, and even if it hadnt been, because the answer had been the same for so long, he didnt hear the answer anyway....

So yes we do engage each other about our day if we've not been together, but we try and mix it up a bit....
I also make an effort to do things he likes, watch things on tv that he will like, take him out spontaneously to the cinema, or for a meal, or a lunch somewhere. Ive been out for meals with his old work colleagues, who to be fair I didnt particularly like and all they did was talk about their old work, but hey I went, and it was something different to do for a day....

I understand that you like the routine you have, and have settled into what you view as being the normal life given your age/location/status in life etc, but maybe your DH just wants to explore other options, and I dont mean other people!

Maybe chatting to some younger people make him feel like he's not out of touch, maybe he just wants to feel part of a group, and maybe just maybe when hes with the younger lot he feels like he's him, not part of a couple, of part of the oldies who arent allowed anything to do with technology and modern life.....

Its very easy to become defined by your marriage, your children, your work, and perhaps thats what he likes, by talking to these sisters, and the younger lot, he is allowed to be just him....

And I dont know how old/young this new group of friends are but its very intriguing that there is a somewhat natural asumption that you wont get on with them...
I appreciate that you dont want to go out drinking, and end up rat faced in a pool of your own vomit.... but maybe.... just maybe.... they dont either.... and they in actual fact dont...

Im 26 in march, havent had a drop of alcohol since I was 21, my closest friend is nearly 50, but she's not defined by age, and neither am I, I have a good time and a laugh with whatever social group I'm out with, because you will find you have something in common with most people.....but I also dont stick to only ever talking to people who are my age, that would bore me to tears......because I like people....

And maybe your DH does too.....

I think its wrong to "hack" someones account, but I understand the pressing "need" to discover something.
Personally I think you should sit down with him, at a pub, out somewhere, after 7pm or at lunch time, and tell you that you'd like to start doing things a bit differently, such as meet up with old school friends, making join a new group, take a class, have a house party (for all ages!), volunteer together for something maybe, do a charity event, and perhaps mention that he's been widening his circle on FB (which you've noticed) and it made ou think that you'd like to mix things up a bit, and would love to do some of that with him....

jellyhead

jamespir wrote: »

it must be so easy to hack facebook and email accounts if you'r a women your the third this week

Of course it's easy - many people just have it automatically log in when you open it. If the computer is left logged into my husband's account then it's his facebook that opens up. In most marriages there's no reason not to leave things logged in, nothing to hide.

Nothing to do with being a woman My husband could just as easily access my facebook account/email/ebay/amazon account etc - we don't keep our passwords for things secret from each other.

alwaysonthego_2

jellyhead wrote: »

Of course it's easy - many people just have it automatically log in when you open it. If the computer is left logged into my husband's account then it's his facebook that opens up. In most marriages there's no reason not to leave things logged in, nothing to hide.

Nothing to do with being a woman My husband could just as easily access my facebook account/email/ebay/amazon account etc - we don't keep our passwords for things secret from each other.

I had to keep my password a secret on facebook as dh was changing my status to something stupid and it was very embarrassing

jellyhead

jasmine33 wrote: »

We have tea at 6pm and after that he's in the sitting room on his laptop. He hardly ever speaks to me or the family, or reads the newspaper or watches the tv. Our normal family life just doesn't seem to happen nowadays. He sits staring like a zombie at his computer screen

To be fair, you probably stare like a zombie if there's something you like to watch on TV. My mum talks about facebook the same way you do but it never occurs to her that she is exactly the same, only it's TV with her and the sort of programmes she enjoys bore everyone else to tears.

Sorry, I don't mean to get at you, it's just that you sounded so much like my mum

I can see why you are upset by this, and I am like you, I prefer a night in to a night out whereas my husband is more sociable. It does sound like your husband is trying to include you in the social life he's looking for though, and if he was really looking for an affair I don't think he would be doing that.

I don't think there's anything especially wrong with your husband wanting to hang around with your daughter's friends though - my dad spends a lot of time with nephews and their wives who have similar interests, and he used to go to student night at the local nightclub with me because he liked the music. He was never interested in any of my friends, he just felt like coming out and my mum was at work at the time.

How many friends of your own age do the two of you have? Could you go out with them, find a weekly quiz night perhaps? What about ballroom dancing or something? Sorry, i'm rubbish at thinking of hobbies, most of our social life is with fellow enthusiasts for our hobby.

bestpud

Money_maker wrote: »

I shouldn't be telling you this but we played bowling on the kids wii at 2am this morning - naked:rotfl:

:rotfl:

OP - you seem to want it all your way and talk about your OH like he's a silly little boy for not seeing your way is the only one!

Lighten up - there is more to living than home and work!

To me it seems he is with younger people because he is desperate to socialise and your dds provided a good starting point for that. It doesn't mean he wouldn't relish a social circle of his own age - just that it's perhaps easier to break into a younger group.

jellyhead

Timmne wrote: »

There's something weird about parents registering on FB anyway - it's just a little creepy!

A woman who works for my wife is always on there (she's an addict.... urgh!) - this woman has two teenage kids, a husband, a dog and a house. !!!!!! isn't there anything more pressing to be doing?

Why? Is there an age limit on the internet? Will you stop posting on MSE as soon as you become a parent?

My parents and in-laws aren't on facebook but I have some of my uncles and aunts as friends on there and I see no problem I can see some cases where a person wouldn't want their parents to see their facebook persona, but then they just don't add their parents.

As for there being something more pressing - should women never have any leisure time? Why is being on facebook any different to watching TV or reading?

jellyhead

brownbabygirl wrote: »

I would just delete his account altogether! and any subsequent ones thereafter if she can get those password too (assuming he changes them).

:eek:

he's an adult - why on earth would someone do that to their partner?

Marriage isn't prison, well, not for most people!

alwaysonthego_2

jellyhead wrote: »

As for there being something more pressing - should women never have any leisure time? Why is being on facebook any different to watching TV or reading?

More like ironing and doing practising pelvic floor exercises