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jamespir

brownbabygirl wrote: »

I disagree with that too:eek::eek::eek:

god help you husband if you have one

brownbabygirl

jamespir wrote: »

god help you husband if you have one

did you mean your?:j

jamespir

brownbabygirl wrote: »

did you mean your?:j

perhaps:rolleyes:

brownbabygirl

jamespir wrote: »

perhaps:rolleyes:

:rotfl:...................................wumim!

jasmine33

smartpicture wrote: »

He is being a silly old fool.

However - I presume what you want to achieve at the end of the day is a continuing stable marriage with the man you love. Therefore you should be listening to the warning signlas he's giving that he's looking for something 'more' in his life - not necessarily an affair, just facing up to 'is this it?' and wanting a bit more excitement in life. So start thinking of acceptable ways to help this happen - for both of you.

For a start, your post comes across as very negative to change or new ideas, for example, 'we never, ever do that', 'he never does that' - as if that's a good enough reason for never doing anything new. He's asked you to go along to some of the new things, and you've turned him down, so he's doing them on his own - is that really what you want? Be prepared to suggest you join him in some of these outings with an open mind, to see what he's getting out of them - and suggest some new joint activities of your own, that you would enjoy more.

You've done well to pick up on the early warning signs that he's not contented with his current life, so now you need to react to them by digging yourself out of your current rut - unless you want to be left behind.

You will find that my husband only asked me to go along with one thing : a drinking session at the local rugby club. What he actually did was go out at 6 pm to the pub and then a pub crawl and then on to a late opening snooker hall. That is not my idea of a night out but I have nothing against him doing that.

jasmine33

mumslave wrote: »

Well he is being a wee bit daft isnt he...but I dont think he is doing anything wrong. I think this could be a good thing, if you could broach the subject with him somehow. He is obviously going through a bit of a phase and you are feeling insecure....time to pull together and work on your relationship. Could it be that he feels much the same as you? That you arent really interested in him etc, his day, his feelings? Maybe try view this as a bit of a heads up, for both of you.

Thank you, this all makes sense. It is a phase and I am insecure. Nail well and truly hit. I am very interested in his day and his feelings though and it's upsetting to feel a bit taken for granted. xx

jasmine33

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I'm afraid that this is just a repetition of your earlier post where you say "we don't do that sort of thing".

People change - or they certainly should - and it's usually a good idea for the partner to make at least some changes in the same direction if s/he doesn't want them to grow apart, particularly when the family have grown up and moved on. Having a meal out is hardly a new and exciting thing for a middle aged couple to do and isn't really the sort of thing your husband seems to be looking for.

I'd go along with his suggestions sometimes and also come up with some new ideas of the sort of thing that you'd like to do. This should be the time in your marriage for rediscovering each other and trying new things, not sitting round waiting to collect your pensions!

Thanks but I beg to differ. Having a meal out together is something which we have hardly ever done mainly because we've never been able to afford it. We do not have a high income and we have daughters at Uni and we have no debts so things like meals out or visits to the cinema are very few and far between.

We talked this over at the weekend and I am happy to go to the pub with him to socialise but not for the sake of getting very drunk. I am on medication which limits my alcohol intake. He was drinking shots as well as lager and vodka when he was out the other night and was hungover for the best part of the following day. I am no prude but I don't see the point in that.

mumslave

jasmine33 wrote: »

Thank you, this all makes sense. It is a phase and I am insecure. Nail well and truly hit. I am very interested in his day and his feelings though and it's upsetting to feel a bit taken for granted. xx

Have you spoken to him now? Its hard to talk to a partner when you know you are being a bit irrational about something, but if it is hurting you, it needs to be discussed. If you dont tell him you feel taken for granted, I doubt he will do much to change, because he seems to be focussed on himself just now from your posts.

jasmine33

renegade wrote: »

It would appear the ball is in your court, change with him or lose him, if you can't beat them, join them!
Ask yourself, were you happy with the way your life was prior to him using FB, barely talking to you, going nowhere with you, not interacting with you?
Don't blame FB or his new found 'friends', he was looking for an outlook and now he has found it!

I think you are blaming me for my husbands actions. Prior to FB he didn't talk that much but he has always been like that. I hardly see that as my fault. There is only so much a person can do or say and if their other half is quiet then so be it.

jasmine33

springclean wrote: »

Ok, perhaps he is being a bit silly trying to hang with the young crowd, and perhaps nightclubs are too much for the OP, but his behaviour is telling her that he wants to do more than sit in and prepare for his retirement. Can you not compromise on the social activity, but make an effort to do something with him?

Yes he is being silly and correct again, I do not want to go to the club. We need to do something together and get talking again. I feel un noticed a lot of the time. Our daughters and their friends all say he is going through the mid life crisis.
Thanks.