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louise3965

You talk about we a lot, ie we have caravanned for 13 years, we are hoping to get a dog, we like gardening. Are you sure your husband really wants these things or is he just going along with it as he knows you like a quiet life?

We are a similar age, with ft pressurised jobs and kids similar ages and your life sounds so dull - almost like you are lodgers. I dont mean to be disrespectful but your husband might not want the same things he did a year ago. He's had a taste of fun and apparently enjoyed it and probably wont want to loose it.

Are you still having great sex, because thats a cheap, fun way to rekindle a marriage you know

belfastgirl23

Hi Jasmine

i think you're getting focused on specifics here. The general thrust of what we're all saying is that there is something your husband is percieving to be missing in his life. We're assuming that's spontaneity based on some of your posts but perhaps you're right and it isn't. I would just urge you not to lose the bigger point we're making, which I think was really what you posted about initially - he isn't exactly happy at the minute is he? Or Facebook is making him happier than his real life. It's up to you what you do or how you handle that.

Sorry if our focus on specifics has put you a bit on the defensive, please understand WE aren't saying negative things about your lives, we are trying to identify the things that might be influencing your husband to behave in the way he has been behaving. Believe me I'd be the last person to throw stones about boring routines, I'm the kind of person who leaves my clothes out before I go to bed!

jasmine33

louise3965 wrote: »

You talk about we a lot, ie we have caravanned for 13 years, we are hoping to get a dog, we like gardening. Are you sure your husband really wants these things or is he just going along with it as he knows you like a quiet life?

We are a similar age, with ft pressurised jobs and kids similar ages and your life sounds so dull - almost like you are lodgers. I dont mean to be disrespectful but your husband might not want the same things he did a year ago. He's had a taste of fun and apparently enjoyed it and probably wont want to loose it.

Are you still having great sex, because thats a cheap, fun way to rekindle a marriage you know

My husband enjoys caravanning and he wants a dog too. However he enjoys having a nice garden but agrees that he doesn't know that much about it so has to be lead by me. I can't see a problem with that.

If my life is dull compared to yours, what do you do that makes yours undull ?
(For want of a better word)

I don't wish for my husband to lose out on fun and if you'd read my earlier replies you would know that we will go out as a couple in the very near future but not to pub crawl, get very drunk and then suffer for it the next day. We will socialise with friends and if he wants to have a night out on his own sometimes then I have no problem with that. We have chatted this through at the weekend although he was very hungover at the time.

Our sex life is private! I wouldn't discuss that on any forum. You know what they say "those who talk about it don't actually do it" !! I'll leave that for you to mull over though.............

smartpicture

Sorry, but I have to agree with OlderButWiser - you sound stuck in a rut, unwilling to accept any changes to your lifestyle, dismissive of any new things your hubby wants to try and unwilling to even try them, and rejecting every piece of advice offered to you because 'we don't do that' - and to me, that all adds up to old before your time!

Look, no-one's trying to have a go at you or say that you're in the wrong, really we're not - we're just trying to open your eyes to small changes you could make that would benefit your marriage. There's absolutely nothing wrong with how you choose to live your life - so long as it makes both of you happy - but clearly it doesn't any more. So you can stick your head in the sand and say he's behaving like a silly old fool (which he is, in many ways), or you can heed the warning signs and try and come up with some new things that both of you might enjoy together.

I understand completely about not wanting to spend your time hanging out at the pub, I'd hate it. But I'd still be willing to do it occasionally if it make my OH happy, and I'd expect him to try some social events that he's not too keen on! So think of something else you can do together, and talk to him about how the current situation is making you unhappy, but you're open to new ideas to make the marriage better for both of you.

And please don't take it all the wrong way, we're on your side - honestly!

brownbabygirl

jasmine33 wrote: »

You know what they say "those who talk about it don't actually do it" !! I'll leave that for you to mull over though.............

:j:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

Zazen999

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

gardening... are better suited to people of an older generation than you are.

OI!!!

Nothing wrong with gardening - at any age.:p

Personally, I love a bit of dullness; too much excitement is vastly overrated. I don't see what's wrong in liking some stability and calmness in the world.

louise3965

jasmine33 wrote: »

If my life is dull compared to yours, what do you do that makes yours undull ?
(For want of a better word)


Our sex life is private! I wouldn't discuss that on any forum. You know what they say "those who talk about it don't actually do it" !! I'll leave that for you to mull over though.............

it just sounds so rigid and unexciting! Its the tea at 6 thing I think, you doling his meal out to him when he comes in. Is there any mileage in giving him a scone when he comes in then cooking supper together later? Or taking the dog when you get it out for a walk and having a bag of chips sitting on a wall! We've been married 21 years this year and I know it can be hard to keep communicating, and I also know everyone is different but your dh is telling you something loud and clear about how he craves change. Our hobby is cycling. Im rubbish, he's brilliant but we enjoy it and plan to follow the Tour de France when weve seen our kids through Uni. Its those sort of shared dreams that keep our marriage happy.


I wouldnt expect you to talk about it, just make sure you are enjoying it :rotfl:

red_devil

i think facebook is a dark side of the internet and actually incredibly boring. How uninteresting it is when i have read profiles.

Jack is bored at work
Dawn is annoyed with her brother
Dave is looking forward to going out tonight. How uninteresting sorry!:rolleyes:

Why do you have to tell the world all your thoughts.

I did notice know you cant read them anyway unless you are a friend! someone correct me if im wrong.

Zazen999

red_devil wrote: »

i think facebook is a dark side of the internet and actually incredibly boring. How uninteresting it is when i have read profiles.

Jack is bored at work
Dawn is annoyed with her brother
Dave is looking forward to going out tonight. How uninteresting sorry!:rolleyes:

Why do you have to tell the world all your thoughts.

I did notice know you cant read them anyway unless you are a friend! someone correct me if im wrong.

like:
did Christmas day go to quickly for you?
anyone else got a son/daughter with a birthday today
not receiving cards from people?

No offence, but it is different strokes for different folks.

red_devil

that is slightly different to be honest!

Everything i have ever read on facebook is boring and nothing seems private anymore. Plus people use it to contact exes etc and cause trouble. Plus it can be dangerous to talk to strangers. You were always told not to talk to strangers yet people do on the net and give allsorts away and pose allsorts of pics?