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jasmine33

My 50 year old husband is on Facebook whenever he has a chance. He can sit glued to it for hours at night .Our daughters friends all appear to be his friends on FB. Don't get me wrong because I enjoy a wee browse on it as well but don't sit on it all that time.

We have a small circle of friends and my husband is looking to widen his friends via FB and has been in touch with several old schoolfriends on it and is meeting up with one of them soon. I also have been chatting to some of my old schoolfriends too and it is pleasant to get all their news as well as updating them on ours.

So here's the rub. Reading his posts, for a while there he was always leaving silly comments on the page of one of our daughters friends. This continued for weeks. My other two girls mentioned it to him and he said there was nothing wrong in that. He continued to leave her comments for a while after this. Now he only comments on her page the odd time.

However now he is leaving silly comments on the page of another of our daughters friends. She is married, young enough to be his daughter and both her and her married sister live very near us. He is now a friend of the married sister and had to deliver a present to her wee boy last night (They were clearing out cupboards at his work and when the toy was unearthed he immediately thought of this wee boy).

He went over saying he wouldn't be long and came home almost 3 hours later after having a few drinks. Meanwhile, I was left alone in our house. The other married sister and her husband turned up there too and they all had a great night. He was asked if he would like to stay to see in the New Year with them but he thought he better get himself back home.

I said to him this morning when he had time to sober up that I felt a bit left out last night and that when he said he wasn't going to be long that I really thought maybe an hour at most. I also said that I saw he had been on FB half an hour after getting home, thanking them for the great night. He was also on FB this morning asking if they were going out this afternoon/evening if maybe they could all meet up. The girl left him a non commital comment that she was unsure about what they were doing. I said I thought he was pushing himself at them, they are two young married couples and he is old enough to be their dad but he just says there is nothing wrong with that.

This is completely out of character for my husband. He sprung it on me just a couple of days ago that he was going out tonight and asked if I wanted to go. I said I didn't fancy it. To be honest it's a !!!! up in the pub and then on to the rugby club afterwards where our daughters are going but it's always a mix of ages for the New Years Day party. Him and I never ever have that kind of night out.

Two weeks ago, on Mad Friday, he had his works night out and then came back to our town to finish off the celebrations. He never does that. He also never told me that was his plan but arranged with our eldest to meet her and her pals in one of the pubs. He later went on to a night club and the two married sisters were there.

So tonight, sitting here on my own, I've done something which I really shouldn't have. I've managed to access his FB account and find that for the past month he's been emailing the :Tmarried girl. She has never emailed him first and her replies are all just chatty but I think he is besotted with her. One email was sent at 6.30a.m. (Just when I go for a shower) another was 7.10 a.m. when I'd be drying my hair. They are just chatty emails from him but one refers to him coming back to his hometown on Mad Friday and if she's out, then he'll buy her a drink.

I can only feel sorry for him. The two sisters could be seeing this as a joke as he seems to instigate the FB conversations and emails. If our daughters were to ever find out they would be so embarrassed. I can't let on to him or them and I certainly couldn't confide in a friend. Do you think this is a mid life crisis?

MrsE_2

jasmine33 wrote: »

I can only feel sorry for him. The two sisters could be seeing this as a joke as he seems to instigate the FB conversations and emails. If our daughters were to ever find out they would be so embarrassed. I can't let on to him or them and I certainly couldn't confide in a friend. Do you think this is a mid life crisis?

Could you "embarrass" him about it.

Say the girls have complained to your daughters & all the young ladies are laughing over what a "silly old fool he is";)
Might give him a wake up call.

choille

Yes, I would say so. But this cannot be pleasant for you. I think you should fess up to knowing about the emails & gently have a bit of chat to him - but it is awkward.

smartpicture

He is being a silly old fool.

However - I presume what you want to achieve at the end of the day is a continuing stable marriage with the man you love. Therefore you should be listening to the warning signlas he's giving that he's looking for something 'more' in his life - not necessarily an affair, just facing up to 'is this it?' and wanting a bit more excitement in life. So start thinking of acceptable ways to help this happen - for both of you.

For a start, your post comes across as very negative to change or new ideas, for example, 'we never, ever do that', 'he never does that' - as if that's a good enough reason for never doing anything new. He's asked you to go along to some of the new things, and you've turned him down, so he's doing them on his own - is that really what you want? Be prepared to suggest you join him in some of these outings with an open mind, to see what he's getting out of them - and suggest some new joint activities of your own, that you would enjoy more.

You've done well to pick up on the early warning signs that he's not contented with his current life, so now you need to react to them by digging yourself out of your current rut - unless you want to be left behind.

Minimum_Wage_2

failing all the above advise, why not go with him and see what he is like? maybe then you could point a few things out to him with his behavior???

it would also give you chance to have some fun while doing this...

jasmine33

MrsE wrote: »

Could you "embarrass" him about it.

Say the girls have complained to your daughters & all the young ladies are laughing over what a "silly old fool he is";)
Might give him a wake up call.

I couldn't say that because that would get my daughters in bother and I wouldn't want that to happen. However it would be interesting to be a fly on the sisters wall...

MrsE_2

jasmine33 wrote: »

I couldn't say that because that would get my daughters in bother and I wouldn't want that to happen. However it would be interesting to be a fly on the sisters wall...

Would you not think he would be too embarrased to bring it up?

jasmine33

choille wrote: »

Yes, I would say so. But this cannot be pleasant for you. I think you should fess up to knowing about the emails & gently have a bit of chat to him - but it is awkward.

He would go balistic if I confessed to reading his emails. My husband doesn't do chat very easily unless of course it's on FB....

view

It sounds like he's a bit lonely and has found facebook an easy way of communicating with people. Perhaps he is feeling a bit like 50 is old and I still have life in this ol' man - and connecting / socialising with younger people makes him feel a bit alive. 50 is young, it's the new 40! ;-) Perhaps he feels he just needs to let off steam a wee bit.

I would just speak to him about what he's been doing - just a general chat ie how was your night, what did you get up to kind of thing. If you feel left out perhaps you could join in too next time they all go out?

He might be pushing himself on them a wee bit - sounds like he's a wee bit starved for social company. I would leave it to the people he is contacting to detach themselves a bit. If you get involved on their behalf would you not look a little bit controlling and would he stop doing this if you mentioned it, or just simply change his password?

Are there people you can both go and socialise with together? It might not always be your thing - but now and again might make you feel included and you just might enjoy yourself. You don't have to drink a lot, just one or two and then swap to 7up or water. You can still have a good time.

I do agree leaving comments on younger girl's pages might not be appropriate - however, I have friends of all ages on my facebook and receive comments from most of them - despite the age. It just depends on what is being written.

jasmine33

smartpicture wrote: »

He is being a silly old fool.

However - I presume what you want to achieve at the end of the day is a continuing stable marriage with the man you love. Therefore you should be listening to the warning signlas he's giving that he's looking for something 'more' in his life - not necessarily an affair, just facing up to 'is this it?' and wanting a bit more excitement in life. So start thinking of acceptable ways to help this happen - for both of you.

For a start, your post comes across as very negative to change or new ideas, for example, 'we never, ever do that', 'he never does that' - as if that's a good enough reason for never doing anything new. He's asked you to go along to some of the new things, and you've turned him down, so he's doing them on his own - is that really what you want? Be prepared to suggest you join him in some of these outings with an open mind, to see what he's getting out of them - and suggest some new joint activities of your own, that you would enjoy more.

You've done well to pick up on the early warning signs that he's not contented with his current life, so now you need to react to them by digging yourself out of your current rut - unless you want to be left behind.

Thanks for that. My husbands idea of a night out (it appears) is to go for a !!!! up with mostly younger folk. He did this when we were going out together and then again on Mad Friday and tonight. He did ask me if I wanted to go out tonight but in all honesty, that is not my idea of a night out. I suggested that in future it would be nice to go out for a meal and he agreed. I won't go out for a night on the !!!! because that is just not me and hasn't been me for most of our married life. He and I have never been ones for having that sort of night out since we got married and had our family. It is more the type that our daughters would have. It is so out of character for him. I could understand if he was 20. It would be like me saying it's blue snow outside - absolutely unbelievable.

jamespir

it must be so easy to hack facebook and email accounts if you'r a women your the third this week


as for the silly comments hes probably just enjoying the attention