Facebook

mumslave

I realise its a sensitive issue for some on here...but really, facebook banned? Facebook is a means to an end when it comes to relationship breakdowns, not the cause. Some people may like to use it as a dating site, but for others its a great way to keep in touch with far away family and friends, I know it was for me when I lived in bournemouth and the rest of my family were in Inverness never mind all the folk with family abroad etc.

Penny-Pincher!!

OP-How do you truly feel about this? Personally, I would be hugely embarrassed if my husband was behaving like this.

Maybe he wants more excitement in his life.

viktory

blackpongo1 wrote: »

I personally think facebook should be banned its wrecked my life and im sure countless others

I feel your pain but Facebook, for many, is a brilliant way of keeping in touch. It is the people that betray, not a social networking website :rolleyes:

System

viktory wrote: »

I feel your pain but Facebook, for many, is a brilliant way of keeping in touch. It is the people that betray, not a social networking website :rolleyes:

I think its justm, as someone else said it gives them a new means of doing the deed.

belfastgirl23

The thing about facebook is a bit of a diversion

Jasmine first of all to say that it's common enough for men to get a bit obsessed by whatever the latest technology in their lives is - try buying a playstation and you won't see much of him for a few months as well but he'll get over it. My OH signed up with facebook and used it loads at the start, now he barely looks at it. Same with Twitter. I think he will get over it.

But the thing of wanting to go out with your daughters and their friends etc is a different issue. I think smartpicture is right, he's looking for something else to do and it's more than going out for dinner. Why not go along with him for a drink and see what you think? He'll be really grateful to you for giving it a try and you might even enjoy it. You don't have to get sloshed or drink more than you usually would. I do agree with you by the way that pubs are boring but if you have good company you can find things to enjoy Or if you really really can't face it can you come up with any alternatives that are a bit more exciting than going out for dinner? You are sounding a bit stick in the mud here (again I will confess to recognising it because I'm inclined that way a bit myself ) and maybe it's time to adapt.

I think you're right to identify alarm bells going off here. At the minute they're dim and distant and you have time to do something about them, your husband isn't doing anything particularly wrong and the fact that he's seeking to involve you is a really positive sign that he values your marriage. But he's a bit restless (prob mid life crisis) and you as a couple need to adapt a little to accommodate this. It doesn't seem like such a big ask to me after many happy years marriage.

Talk to him, ask him what's going on. You don't need to admit to looking at his messages, you can just say that you've noticed he seems a bit restless and that you would like to see if you can find some new things to do as a couple...he'll love you for it.

Money_maker

jasmine33 wrote: »

He hardly remembers me and what kind of day I've had or how I'm feeling. We have tea at 6pm and after that he's in the sitting room on his laptop. He hardly ever speaks to me or the family, or reads the newspaper or watches the tv. Our normal family life just doesn't seem to happen nowadays.

This is the important part. You are rarely interacting together and are drifting apart. I don't think facebook is the problem, if it wasn't that then it would be a faceless forum like this one.

I think you need to reassess your lifestyles and make some changes. He's not noticing you, why? Is there any little gestures you can make which he will appreciate - personal to him or hobbies he has. Can you get a dvd to watch together. How about dressing up a little or new undies for bedtime. A new hobby together.

It's more about giving him a better reason to stay off facebook than trying to close down what he thinks is his only gateway to something different than boring life.

I shouldn't be telling you this but we played bowling on the kids wii at 2am this morning - naked:rotfl:

boltonangel

I personally think that FB gives people that might not flirt in 'real' life the confidence to test the waters without the humiliation associated with being face to face.

I have a fb account and after moving areas was checking it at least three times a day to keep in contact with friends. However I also noticed that I was becoming obsessed with the damn thing and as of 1/1/10 have decided to take a break from going on there.
I was checking the profiles of my exes etc and considering messaging them (even though in real life I want nothing more to do with them!!!!!! )

I think your dh was just feeling a little bored and possibly wanted to lighten things up a bit.I can see why you are upset...I would be but he did invite you out. We all seem to go through phases where we just want a change to the routine.

hugs

elektra-2007

Personally id just go into the settings so facebook cant be accessed on your computer, then just act daft say the server must be down, get your daughters to confirm this or pretend youve spoken to them and they have said so. If you google, how do i ban website from my pc there will be insructions telling you how, then after a few weeks put it back on and see how he is. Or email the girl in question say you hope my husband isnt bothering you blah blah which might make her back off from replying to him. Personally i think it sounds out of order and he shouldnt be doing it. I know loads of people who have had their relationships/marriages ruined by networking sites.

alwaysonthego_2

elektra-2007 wrote: »

Personally id just go into the settings so facebook cant be accessed on your computer, then just act daft say the server must be down, get your daughters to confirm this or pretend youve spoken to them and they have said so. If you google, how do i ban website from my pc there will be insructions telling you how, then after a few weeks put it back on and see how he is. Or email the girl in question say you hope my husband isnt bothering you blah blah which might make her back off from replying to him. Personally i think it sounds out of order and he shouldnt be doing it. I know loads of people who have had their relationships/marriages ruined by networking sites.

I would disagree with this as the Op's DH is an adult and if he wants to go on FB he will, whether he has to use a friend's computer.

The Op should have a discussion with her husband and find out why he is acting the way he is and how they can move forward together. It takes two to make a relationship to work and if the Op is not willing to meet her DH half-way in trying out new experiences it is no wonder is is trying to find fun else where, I am not condoning her DH's behaviour, but the moment she can nip this in the bud and agree to liven up things then it can only improve things.

Erikson's Psychosocial development theory

Stage 7
Generativity vs. Stagnation. During middle adulthood, we establish our careers, settle down within a relationship, begin our own families and develop a sense of being a part of the bigger picture. We give back to society through raising our children, being productive at work, and becoming involved in community activities and organizations. By failing to achieve these objectives, we become stagnant and feel unproductive.

Caroline73_2

jasmine33 wrote: »

Thank you very much. My husband leaves emails to this young girl in a way that he has never spoken to me. His language and turn of phrase is so different to the usual way he speaks to me. He asks her what sort of day she's had and how her shopping trip went. He hardly remembers me and what kind of day I've had or how I'm feeling. We have tea at 6pm and after that he's in the sitting room on his laptop. He hardly ever speaks to me or the family, or reads the newspaper or watches the tv. Our normal family life just doesn't seem to happen nowadays. He sits staring like a zombie at his computer screen and if you ask him who's on Facebook he says he's only just gone on to it. It can't all be my fault. I am a hard working, self employed 50 year old who lives for her family. I am quiet , I suppose shy, of new situations but when you bring up a family and deal with all the traumas along the way, sometimes it's just nice to have a bit of peace.

Tea at 6pm - sounds quite regimented. Can you be a bit more spontaneous sometimes?

What is normal family life? Normal or usual? It sounds like it's all become a bit routine - no-ones fault, it 's easy to slip into.


hard working who lives for her family are admirable qualities but is there a chance you have slipped into a bit of a rut and he wants a diversion? Facebook is easy to access and it's safe. Chances are your hubby would probably run a mile if the woman tried it on with him, and he'd rather be having the flirtatious banter with you. I'm not saying he's right but maybe he doesn't want a bit of peace all the time?