Sashybo's Random Waffles

sashybo

Got a reply from the admin bank - it's as and when work so they have no idea when they can give me something. Great. I know it's an admin bank but it was implied that they had a lot of work available. *panics*

Still not heard from other jobs so starting to think I will have to forget about those. Still on the look out for jobs to apply for but starting to feel less hopeful about finding something. I'm applying for mainly retail and admin jobs as well so not like I'm aiming for anything I'm not capable of. Not sure what I'm doing wrong.

My mum wants me to go to a class or see a counsellor about my self-esteem because I get so stressed out and think I can't do anything. I really really panic when I have to drive and was crying yesterday because I had to take my sister somewhere unplanned in the car and I hadn't had time to psych myself up for it. It's really stupid and makes me feel embarrassed to even admit it. In the end she had to get a taxi because I was in a state - it was only a 15 minute drive.

OH keeps lecturing me about having a positive mental attitude but I just can't do it. I've always been a cynical and negative thinker and can't see a way not to be - nothing ever seems to go right for me.

Now I'm starting to wish I hadn't resigned because even a job that depressed me and made me cry every day seems better than not having a job at all. Reading this back makes me sound really whiny and annoying actually so I'll stop now.

sashybo

Well OH needs to check door clearance before laying the new flooring as we have a very heavy fire door as the front door and it opens inwards. Hoping it will be ok otherwise we have to have the door taken off to lay the flooring. :eek:

OH just making a cooked breakfast for us. :T

I might be getting a bit of work helping my uncle who works freelance making videos etc. I would just be helping carry and set up and wouldn't get money until he sells anything but I suppose it's something to do while I'm looking for a job. It would just be now and again so said I would do it.

So hopefully will have a new floor by the end of the day but will report back.

sashybo

Flooring still a work in progress - pulled up carpet and underlay yesterday then had to pull a load of carpet staples out of the floor. Managed to lay the underlay and then had a lot of faffing about with a threshold. :mad:

OH is going to start laying the actual flooring now. :j

We won a bit on the Grand National yesterday as had bets on the top 3 horses. :T Unfortunately only £1 bets but we still won something. :rotfl:

Lovely day ourside - wish we had a garden to go out in.

Not much else to report as spent all day yesterday crawling about the hall helping OH. My knees are sore today!

sashybo

90% of the flooring has been laid, just the last row to do which involves cutting skirting boards/door bits etc so OH leaving it for now. Took ages today because he had to cut boards to fit under doors/doorways and cut the door surround etc. We also had to take the bathroom door off. Nightmare. A few tantrums were had by all. Spacing wedges were thrown. :rotfl:

Poor OH all achey and in the bath relaxing now. We were so p'd off and knackered by the time we finished that we had a chinese take away for dinner.

I have been feeling guilty because I was just OH's assistant and he did most of the work so have offered to wash the car. This will be quite a job as I can't remember the last time we actually did it.

Planning on tidying the house a bit more tomorrow and actually using my time properly instead of playing on Facebook in between job hunting. We will see if that actually happens though. :whistle:

sazzle81

Hi Sashybo
Pleased the flooring is almost done - just think you saved up all the money for that and then laid it. Quite an acheivement!!

Sorry to hear about the admin bank job - I've known a few people end up in that situation, especially in call centres. In fact when I moved to London (short term, streets paved with gold type thing) I had an interview with a bank who said that they were setting up a new team I had a job with them and they woul dget in touch with me before December. 7 years later I'm still waiting!!!

I think you mum might be onto something with counselling for you anxiety, Could you not get your doctor to refer you for cognitive behaviour therapy on the NHS. Although I did it and didn't find it useful, I think it was because there was such a long waiting list for counselling that they suggested CBT first when I didn't even know what I was tackling with it!!

Keep ploughing on with the jobs - something will come up and every day is a day further from the horrible times you had at the last one

xx

PS well done on the Grand national wins - I won on Don't Push It, I won't tell you why I picked the name !!!!

sashybo

Hi sazzle, nice to see you again.

Thanks for your kind post - yes I'm quite pleased that we managed to save up for the flooring instead of just putting it on a credit card which is what we would have done a couple of years ago. :j I'm lucky that OH agreed to try and lay it himself even though he'd never done it before - it looks pretty good for a first try.

I'm not sure about CBT or counselling as I feel anxious about anything new or different and think I would find it hard to go to the doctor for help. I've always been a worrier - one of my earliest memories is about having to get the bus to school and worrying if I would have the right bus fare - what if it had changed? What if I didn't have the right money? etc etc.

The worrying seems to be getting out of hand about small things now i.e. I can't drive anywhere without planning out the journey and knowing the road layout, what lanes I need to be in and things like that. The lane layout changed on the short drive to my sister's house and I worried about it for days in case I went in the wrong lane! It sounds mad when I write it down.

Need to get some job hunting done today, just hope something comes up soon or we will be in a mess with money.

sashybo

Washed the car today and it was lovely and shiny. Was a bit of a pain trailing a bucket of water down from a third floor flat though (3 times! :eek:) Now I remember why we don't wash the car often.

Went out to the car later to return some things to B&Q and yes a bird had pooed on the windscreen! :mad: Why does it always happen when you've just washed it?!

Managed to get a job application done today and submitted online so am pleased with that. Didn't see many others to apply for though.

Also had chicken stir fry tonight which OH made - I made the marinade in the morning and left the chicken marinating all day. Was pretty good.

Not sure what I'm up to tomorrow, will do my usual routine of daily clicks, surveys, scratchcards, MSE and job hunting but beyond that I don't know.

sashybo

Not done much so far today, trying to keep motivated and more positive but finding it difficult. Really worried about the end of the month as looks like I will have no money coming in.

Think my mum is coming round in a bit and we will be going out for a walk around town. Don't need anything apart from sugar and milk so hoping not to spend.

Thinking I will either make corned beef hash or chicken fajitas for dinner tonight - need to check if I have a pepper for that though.

Just wish I was at least getting interviews but no joy so far apart from the group interview that I didn't get past.

OH's parents are coming up to visit at the start of May and I really want to be in a job by then. They're not the easiest people to deal with and don't really want them on my back about not having a job. I think they think they're being helpful when really they just come out with hurtful and/or critical comments a lot of the time.

sashybo

Managed to only buy milk, sugar and a big Baileys Easter egg that was reduced from £10 to £2.50. I had to get it for that price!

Was in the town with my mum and took a few bits down to my sister. Looks like I will be doing a bit of babysitting on Friday morning. :eek:

A couple of my friends came around for a short visit after dinner and was good to see them so that cheered me up a bit.

Got another job rejection in my email last night - didn't even get an interview. Really starting to get me down and struggling to be positive about it. Couldn't sleep for ages last night for worrying about it.

sashybo

Still haven't heard anything from any applications. Although I am helping my uncle out later today for a couple of hours so will get a wee bit of money for that when he gets paid. Should be interesting and gets me out of the house I guess.

Had a bit of a mope about yesterday until my friends asked me out to lunch. Was nice to get out and took my mind off things. Only cost £5 cos we went to a Wetherspoon's.

Then we bought some cakes and took them back to my flat and ate them with cups of tea. My friend was going through baby names and writing a short-list that we had to vote on. :rotfl:

Still worrying about money and just wish I could find something for now, even part time would be better than nothing.