Sashybo's Random Waffles

sashybo

Hi mac, :hello: was out doing some food shopping and hunting for an elusive hanging basket. Couldn't find a nice one so will have to go out later and get one - me, disorganised? :whistle: OH invited my mum round for dinner and is making her a roast, I'm doing dessert, banoffee pie.

OH is still doing his exercises morning and night and quite frankly I'm shocked he's not bored yet. :eek: :rotfl:

No plans except have a bath, get dressed, find a nice hanging basket, tidy house and make banoffee pie before my mum comes round. Also need to finish job application tonight as closing date is tomorrow.

sashybo

Well yesterday didn't go quite to plan. Managed to get out and buy a hanging basket for my mum, then got a panicked phone call to go to hers. She had my 3yo nephew overnight and he had hurt himself quite badly playing so we had to take him up to A&E.

We then got sent to a specialist children's hospital and spent our whole afternoon in a waiting room. :mad: Turns out he will be fine thankfully but they wanted a specialist to look at him just incase.

My mum and brother then came round for dinner which was lovely, made by OH.

Feeling very down today and don't feel like I can face work. Meant to be in for 5 hours today. I'm thinking of applying for part time jobs just now - anything to get out of that place. Got a job application rejected this morning as well - the job has been pulled from the website so looks like they had finished their short listing before they got my application. I don't know if I can make myself go in. I really want to resign but have nothing else to go to.

sashybo

Well I did go in to work but told them I couldn't face going on the phone as felt really down and anxious. So spent my 5 hours sitting in with another person on my team and on training tomorrow. Looks like I will be back on the phone on Wed now.

Got home at 3pm and did the dishes, put on a washing, stripped the bed, put away clean washing, cleaned the bathroom and did a full clean of the litter tray. Then I made dinner - chicken and broccoli bake - to use up a manky broccoli languishing in the fridge. I made it with layers of sliced potato and cheese sauce as well as crushed BBQ crisps and cheese topping. Yum.

OH has made about £60 on Ebay and was going to pay it off my cc but told him to put it into the car tax and MOT fund instead since that's in May.

Changed the cat food today as the last place we got raw cat meat from stopped trading. The cats looked at me like "This isn't our normal meat" when I put the new stuff down. The oldest (and bossiest) cat even walked away from the food bowl to stand in front of me and meow a protest. :rotfl: Her greediness soon got the better of her though.

sashybo

Training today at work and it was dull - still better than being on the phone though! Just want out, am getting a disciplinary meeting on Friday about my unsatisfactory attendance.

The main problem with having so much time off work is that it looks bad on job applications. Not sure whether to put the full amount down as it will put a prospective employer off but then if I don't put the full amount down and they find out later that wouldn't look good either.

Still want to run away, dreading going to work everyday. My team leader's manager even said to me that she didn't think I would come back today. :eek: Just so down and can't seem to pull myself out of it.

Not doing any housework tonight and OH is making dinner when he gets home. Need to do some more reading and rating on Ciao and Dooyoo and still need to do daily clicks *sigh*.

sazzle81

Hey Sashybo,

The attendence thing is a tricky one. I would always be tempted to try and explain any absence on the application. You could definitely word it along the lines of I suffered from work related stress, however, I worked closely with my employees in order to find a solution that was beneficial to all parties. Or words to that effect. Because you have actively engage with your employers about this then you can put a positive spin on it. I wouldn't be tempted to put the days as less as think that would be more damaging should you get found out.

I like your idea of getting a part time job to get out of the place you are currently working at. Think you need to do it for your own sanity!! Could you manage for a few months until you got something better - or even two part time jobs?

SX

sashybo

Hi sazzle, thanks for your post.

This morning hasn't been good, not sure if I can make myself go today but if I don't I'm as good as resigning. OH thinks I'm "being stupid" and "winding myself up because I don't want to work". :mad: So we had a big fight before he went to work because he told me I have to go or we are stuffed financially and that's more important than my mental health. I know he's right - we do need the money - but I don't want to get up every morning crying and feeling sick. He said he's sick of me "doing this and walking out of every job because I don't like it". I was in my last job for 3 years. :mad:

I'm meant to be at work in half an hour and just feel ill about going back but also ill about resigning. We need my wage to survive and OH is so angry with me just now. He said if I'm so desperate to leave why haven't I been applying for more jobs? He doesn't want to know about how rubbish I've been feeling.

I don't know what to do.

sashybo

Well, I didn't go in today and couldn't face phoning my work because I knew they would interrogate me. So things aren't looking good there. Maybe resigning would make me look for another job. OH wouldn't be happy about it though.

OH says (by text) that he's not angry with me but wants to see me making an effort to find another job. I think he wants me to go back to work tomorrow though. I do see the sense in what he's saying but I just don't know if I can do it anymore.

I have applied for a couple of jobs today and found a couple more to apply for. One of the jobs I applied for is only 20 hours a week but is in a shop I would really enjoy working in. It's still a fixed term appointment though rather than permanent. The other job I applied for is more hours but again is temporary and again in retail.

My local council is looking for casual library assistants so that's also something to think about if I only manage to get something part time. Feeling very tired and headachey because I spent most of the morning crying. Don't want to lie down though as when OH gets home he will think I've spent all day sleeping.

Sometimes I think I sabotage myself - I should have been seriously looking for work when I was signed off sick but I couldn't face it. I feel really useless and pathetic today, wish I could snap out of it.

P.S. I think I should have named this diary "The Diary of Doom" since I'm always moaning!

sashybo

Well I'm off again today and need to make a serious effort to get job hunting. I will give the admin bank another email and see if I can start without the second reference as it's a bit crazy - they have cleared me through Disclosure and have one reference already.

Had a bad headache all night, just pain pulsing right behind my eyes. Poor OH is stressed to bits and also told me last night that he hates where we live. We are on a fixed mortgage for another 2 and a half years plus we couldn't afford to move anyway. Think he's just sick of living in flats with inconsiderate neighbours and windows that don't shut out noise at night.

Got £5 through from Ciao surveys and £2 from clicks today so have £31 in my Paypal misc fund now.

sashybo

Think I will have to look at resigning pretty soon as if not the contract will be terminated. I haven't been able to face speaking to my team leader or her manager but have left them messages each morning.

They tried to phone me around 6 times yesterday followed by calling my OH several times and then calling my mum! My mum called me in a panic thinking something had happened to me because they told her they hadn't heard from me in two days and were worried. :eek::mad: I left them messages telling them what was happening and that I would be in touch when I felt ok to talk. I understand they need to speak to me at some point but I think that was a bit excessive. I feel really panicky when they are calling me all the time and I know it's counterproductive not to answer but I just feel so sick about it that I can't.

Filled in another application yesterday but have still to submit it and have already received one rejection. Will be looking for more jobs today but am starting to worry about it.

sashybo

Just having a quiet weekend with OH as there is nothing we need to do urgently. Also, we don't have any money anyway.

Need to crack on with job applications next week and hope that something comes up quickly. Feeling bad about giving up on my job now but really couldn't stand anymore. Wish I could be less emotional and more practical about it.

OH and I made butternut squash and carrot soup for lunch which was nice and am just going to help him with lasagne soon. We shouldn't need to buy a lot of food this week as bought lots last week. Need to make more meals from scratch although I would say we do roughly 4 a week from scratch which isn't bad.

OH's friend is staying over tonight - not sure when he is arriving but I don't get told these things. :cool: He will cut my hair for me though so I'm not too bothered.

Played on Jackpot Joy last night with money won from the free fishing game as it was under the minimum withdrawal. OH managed to win me £20 from £5. :beer: If I had played that £5 it would have been well and truly lost - I have no luck with games.