Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

Sun_Addict

Sorry to read DH is so poorly, hope he perks up soon. Good job you got him to docs before it got worse. Hope the mortgage gets sorted.

Eager_Elephant

No contact from the mortgage broker - will email on Monday once I have checked my work diary to see if I might be able to take a call from him mid week as really want to get this sorted.


DH is feeling much better but still not 100%, he is still very wheezy and gets out of breath easily. He had a day off work on Tues but felt he should still go in as only his 4th week there so he has just been taking it easy and getting his colleague to do the heavy work like lifting ladders about.




I wasn't going to post this on here but feel that I have shared the majority of my life including about DH and his past exploits and this is the only diary I keep.

This week has been pretty !!!!, on Mon night I got a text from my son to ask me to support his girlfriend to have an abortion. To say I was shocked was an understatement - I read the text, burst into tears and literally could not breathe for ages.
I am so disappointed in him, I know he is 20 and his girlfriend is 19 or 20 but I did not want this for him. I was a teenage mum and thought I had brought him up to not be casual about sex.
I don't know the ins and outs of how it happened (well I know they had sex) but not sure if contraception went wrong or not and it doesn't seem right to ask at the moment as we need to get through this abortion.
Prior to this my son said he was not fussed about having his children and his GF does not want children so I guess abortion is the only answer and too be honest I support them in this.
I was against abortion when I was a teenager hence keeping my son but as I have got older I realise that sometimes it is for the best and for my son and his GF it is right, he is away at Uni for another 3.5 years (2.5 hrs drive away), she is an apprentice and has a difficult family life.

She has not told her mother about this due to this difficult family life so yesterday I went with her to the hospital for the first tablet and we are going back tomorrow for other tablets and that should be the end of the pregnancy.
I am still finding it so sad and I don't know why and I don't really know how I will act tomorrow but I just hope I don't cry as she needs me to be strong.

I am worried how this will affect her long term, her mental health is awful and she struggles with anxiety so I am really proud of her getting help and she has actually done some hospital appts herself - I wish they had told me earlier so I could have supported her with this.

I think one reason I am sad is because she is alone in this and I just can't imagine my own daughter going through this and feeling that she cannot tell me. I know she has my son and he supports her decision but she has literally not told a soul, she has 2 friends who she is not close to and I just find it so very sad.
It has also reminded me of what happened in my family when I announced my pregnancy - it was horrible and it brought back all the emotions I had back then.

DH is livid and so angry (although he has not told DS or GF this) and thinks they should keep it and give it up for adoption as lots of people want children who can't have them - I think this might be harder as there is a stigma attached and there is no way she can hide her pregnancy for 9mths so people will know. Never mind the fact the 'baby' can find you when it's an adult.
He has done well to hide his feelings since DS' GF came to ours last night and I am glad he has not been off with her or told her how he is feeling.

I know by posting on here I have to accept all opinions and thoughts but if you are anti-abortion through religion and think we are all going to hell please don't comment.

amanda_p

I very rarely post but feel you may need some support through this. I think what they have done is faced the future with maturity and good to know your son can rely on your support without incrimination. I know many people are against abortion but for whatever reason everyone is an individual, everyone is different. They are making the decision based on the life they want to lead in the future. Your son is just starting out at University, he needs to complete his degree and look ahead to his future. They would not just be having a baby, they would be having a child with them forever with no going back.
I doubt the decision was made lightly and your support will be vital. People get very hot under the collar about the pro life debate, but for them at this moment,it is probably the right decision.
Having a baby and then giving it up for adoption is, I think is far harder. I was adopted as a baby and eventually managed to trace my birth mother, she was an Irish catholic in the 1950"s unmarried and pregnant. By sheer force of will she managed not to go to a Magdalene Nursery and had me adopted through a children's home. However not one of her family knew and she carried the burden of my birth almost to her grave. She was so ashamed of what had happened that she confided in no one. Her whole future and that of many others was altered beyond belief by that one choice.
What I am trying to say is that no decision is easy and all have their consequences. I am sure with the support you are giving your son and his girlfriend, they will get through this. Many children couldn't or wouldn't be able to share this with a parent. Says an awful lot about you as a mother. All you can do is what you are doing now and although it must be hard for you as well, your son will always remember the support you gave. All the best through a very emotive and difficult time.x

crazy_cat_lady

I think that it's a very brave decision for them to make and really good of you to help and support. OK, they made a mistake somewhere along the line, but how fantastic that your son could come to you about such a big thing and know that he would get your support and not your judgement. Of course it will stir up a lot of emotion in you and that's entirely natural. Allow yourself to be upset if you feel upset - come on here and vent as much as you like if this is somewhere you can go to get your feelings out.
It is very sad that she doesn't have family that she can rely on, but she has you and your ds so she isn't on her own. Just let her know that you're there for her to talk to if she needs to, even if it is months or years down the line. You're doing everything you can at the moment.

mummytogirls

Oh EE what an absolute awful time you are going through at the moment. As awful as it sounds I too think in this situation it is for the best although I've never had to go through this so not 100% qualified to answer. I think given the lack of support she has from her family and friends it wouldn't be right. Plus you know how you felt being a young mother so you can relate.

DH's mum was pregnant at 15 and had him just after turning 16, DH's grandad was adamant she was to keep the baby and he would help her bring him up. Things turned out ok but I know she wouldn't have wanted that for DH and I.

I hope I don't offend anyone with my views, I know there are some sterling young parents out there but personally I wouldn't want it for my girls.

xx

maddiemay

De-lurking to send you and the young couple positive vibes and masses of virtual hugs. FWIW I also think that they are doing what is right for them at this time in their lives. As others have said it is wonderful that they can turn to you.

I hope that OH will come to understand in due course, you might quietly remind him that not all adoptive parents turn out to be good parents:( My Ma was seduced at 15 by a man 12 years older than she was and I was born just after she reached 16. It was a struggle to keep me, but was supported by her parents. I won't go into details, but I always thanked my lucky stars that she did not put put me up for adoption, several people I have known who were adopted had difficult childhoods and some were sort of "demoted" when the parents later had birth children of their own:(:(

stepuptothepl8

Sending hugs. They are doing what is right for them. I'm absolutely pro-choice, and it's so wonderful that you can be there to support them both. Lots of love x

Bobarella

I'm sorry EE I don't have any words of wisdom and would certainly not judge. I think my first thought was how close your son must feel to his mother to be able to reach out to you and ask for your help. How sure he must feel of your love and unconditional support. In that, it shows what a good Mum you have been to him.

Good luck to all of you, and hope his GF will be ok.

Seasidegal58

I'm so sorry you are going through this EE and the things from your life the situation has dragged up. But how wonderful that you are there for your DS and his GF. Every body has a different point of view - I'm pro choice myself but any decision should be down to the individual involved. I was a young mum myself and I certainly don't think either me or my ex- husband were really mature enough to take on the responsibility but thankfully I had a supportive, wonderful mum and dad.

I'll be thinking of you all and send you lots of love for this difficult time.
SSG x

beanielou

All you can do is support your DS & his GF.
That's what mums do.