just found out hubby having affair

blackpongo1

well guys was at solicitors today and i had to say came out positive until as requested by my solicitor to text and arranged access on Saturday and for him to receicve a phone call from kids today WELL i have been bombarded with texts emails phone calls basically questioning my mental health WHY because im coping because i dont need him he even phoned my best friend was on the phone for 20 mins questioning her about my mental status because he thinks i should let him see kids more he cant see the wrong he has done or the hurt that he has caused both me and the kids but to our immediate family circle OH GOD HELP I would like to do something but i know its wrong to think like that I just hope i have the strenght to be in complete control of my life instead of him chipping away at it

Pollycat

Hi blackpongo

I'm glad you had a positive session with your solicitor.

Did he say that you had a right to know where your OH was having the kids?

What did he say about the access your OH wanted:

Recieved a ltter today fro his solictor demanding he have kids every week end and 1 nite during week

What is he (the solicitor) going to do now?

re the texts - -HE is realising that HE is not in control of the situation, and as you say, he is trying to chip away at your strength and resolve.

If you reply at all, I'd just say that your only interest in contact with him is to arrange for visits with the children - and if he continues to bombard you with texts, he will just make arranging visits much more difficult for him.
I'd get your friend to do the same if he phones again - just get her to state to him that you are doing fine and you're only interested in arranging visits.
Then tell her to put the phone down as he is wasting her time.

Just because he is mouthing off about your 'mental health' doesn't mean that anybody i.e. solicitors or social services is going to take any notice.
It's just his way of trying to get under your skin.

Stay strong.

thorsoak

Well, if he wishes to have the children every weekend plus one evening a week, I would assume that the affair isn't going to last long!

I think you would be well within your rights to insist that if he does have the children for that amount of time that they spend that time with their father/father's side of the family - and NOT his current squeeze! They are already upset about the situation without him adding to their burden.

Do not reply to his solicitors letters - pass them to your solicitor to deal with.

And why not get a cheap mobile phone to carry around for day to day use - lease your current one switched on (in a cupboard!) so that his texts are received although not responded to ....let the battery die down so that they will still be there when the phone is recharged - and then read them out at the solicitors .... - you get my drift?

blackpongo1

oh guys i have had a hell of a day done nothing but cry realise i still love himbut im not sure if its enough im so confused ive crashed i feel im at a wall and dont know what to do or take what direction
all advice greatly received as always

bp

Pollycat

Hi Blackpongo
If you can, do nothing at all for the moment.

You've been on a massive roller coaster and it's turned you upside down and inside out.

Nobody will be surprised to read that you still love him - most people can't turn affection on and off like a tap.

This may sound harsh but you might not have a chance to do anything or decide which direction you want to go - if he has decided it's over.

Just try to concentrate on keeping things as normal as you can for the kids.

Take care.