just found out hubby having affair

Michelin

blackpongo1 wrote: »

i dont feel ready to talk yet i think i'm scared in case there are a few home truths that i wasnt aware off

Then talk when you are ready - you call the tune here. You don't have to ask everything all at once but sometimes, however hurtful it is, it is good to get answers otherwise you can torture yourself with what you think rather than what might be true.

Do it in your own time and when you feel ready xx

jamespir

with regards letting him see the kids i agree with you not wanting to meet the other women as its not nice and can be very confusing

try somwhere neutral like the park and ask him to come on his own or do they have a family contact centre in your town contact social services they may tell you if ther is one and you could use there that way you dont have to see him when he sees the kids if you dont feel you can

blackpongo1

thanks guys will keep you posted on how the visit went with kids tomorrow sometime
night night

Pollycat

Hi there
I hope things go OK with the visit, the worst thing would be for the kids to be more upset and confused than they probably are right now.

Will you see your OH at all when you take the children to your friend's?
If so, are you prepared for that?

Don't talk to him if you feel you're not ready, what's happened has happened and that won't change.

However, (and this is only MY opinion and others may disagree) if you feel that there is a chance for you to patch things up and that's what YOU really want, don't let him carry on thinking that it's over and you're going ahead with the divorce - you may end up driving him into this other woman's arms.

It's a fine line between being honest with him about how hurt you are & what your hopes for the future are and not making a doormat of yourself.
Hope that doesn't come over as too blunt.

I think you need to know exactly how serious this affair was and if he even wants to be with this woman.
As Thorsoak says, you don't know if it was a 'just a bit of a fling' that might have fizzled out if you hadn't found out about it.

Regards

blackpongo1

well guys as far as am aware the visit has went great the kids seem more content they asked their questions that needed answered and they found out that he is not living with her hes at his mates so i have to believe this
i do miss and love him terriably and when i seen him today i just wanted to give him a big hug and kiss i near had chest pain going to collect the kids
i really do need to talk with him matb next wk

Michelin

Hi blackpongo, talk to him - whatever makes you feel good. You still love him and what you felt today when you saw him just proves it.

Let him tell you what happened and then you can take some time to think about it and what you want to do. Don't make any rash decisions - you are in control here so take your time and do whatever you want to for the future.

blackpongo1

well guys /girls happy new year to you all have arranged a big meet tomorrow am as nervous as hell any advice greatly recieved

Michelin

blackpongo1 wrote: »

well guys /girls happy new year to you all have arranged a big meet tomorrow am as nervous as hell any advice greatly recieved

Well done for arranging the meeting - it is natural to be nervous and it is a big step.

Think about what you want to ask him - write it down. Think about how much you want to talk about - it might be better to keep this first meeting short and listen to what he says. Then you both need to go away and think about what has been said. Perhaps you should also arrange when you will meet again to continue talking.

Remember, you are in control BP and you need to get the answers you want so that you can determine what you want to do about this situation.

Will be thinkng of you :kisses3:

blackpongo1

many thanks michelin made my questions last night wiether i stick to them are not is another question but i will try my best the best advice any one has give my over the last week is to act with dignity at what ever cost this will kill me but all i can do is try my best will keep you all posted later on how it went
thanks again everyone for all your support and advice you have given me

BP

fletch3163

Hello. I am a quiet lurker and having (thankfully) not endured your pain I don't feel I can offer any advice. What I can offer though is my very best wishes for today and the future.

I truly hope things go well for you.