just found out hubby having affair

Pollycat

Hi Pongo
I hope I'm welcome on this thread.

re the visit on Thursday - you say the kids will visit their Dad - but where will they be going?
As onetomany says, I think you need to know this - and for how long the visit will last.

I know that fabforty suggested that you keep his visits with the kids and you & he talking separate - have you fixed a date to talk to him?

It sounds very confusing when you say he says he has no new family.
Have you asked/can you ask him where he is staying?

When you confronted him, did you find out how serious this affair was?
Had they been seeing each other for a long time or was it just maybe a one-off but SHE wanted more - iykwim.
Did he say he wanted to be with her?

I know these are hard and upsetting questions for you, but at the moment you're (understandably) confused about everything.

And it's NOT hard for people to understand that you still love him, most people can't just switch emotions off when things go wrong.
You Mum won't understand that - your OH has hurt her 'baby' - but a lot of us on here can empathise with that feeling.

Take care and best wishes.

blackpongo1

hi Pollycat welcome back with reference to the visit on thusday the kids are going to my friends house and i will take them there to be with him for 2hrs dont worry i know were they will be
I dont know if i'm in a position to ask where he is living that email is still confusing me with reference he has no new family and his kids are his family

elfen

Of course you should know where he is, he's going to take your children there. You need to know he's got phone signal/a safe space for the little ones to be.

thorsoak

Had you thought that this affair - which means so much to you (obviously!) might have meant nothing at all to him - that she is/was his "bit on the side" - and that's how he'd like things to stay?????

Like a lot of men, hisr brains may have slipped into the underpants area - and because it "means nothing" to him - he cannot understand why you feel so hurt and rejected - and now, poor demented idiot, he has to pay the price!

But that's not your problem - it's his! You have to stay strong for yourself, for your children - he has betrayed your trust and he has to cope with the consequences.

As for your mum - how would you feel if someone hurt one of your babies? Wouldn't you be mad/aggressive? That's how she feels about you.

Bambywamby

Personally I would tell him he has to visit the children in your home until things settle down.

Good luck hon, I know this is a painful time for you but hang in! You will get there. If he has been conducting an affair he isn't worth wiping your Jimmy Choos on and certainly no tears. x x x

blackpongo1

i know he thought with his genitals instead of his head or heart
i know i need to talk to him i have questions etc but i dont know when the time will be right and then i frightened that i will push a wedge between us that its too late

thorsoak

You can't push the wedge between you ....he put it there - it's up to him to remove it ....if you can trust him to!

You don't need to talk - HE does! You've told him (obviously) just how much his actions have hurt you and the children - now you need explanations - not excuses!

Michelin

blackpongo1 wrote: »

hi Pollycat welcome back with reference to the visit on thusday the kids are going to my friends house and i will take them there to be with him for 2hrs dont worry i know were they will be
I dont know if i'm in a position to ask where he is living that email is still confusing me with reference he has no new family and his kids are his family

Well I would read that as meaning that he is not staying with her and her child and maybe it is not a serious affair like he said (not excusing it).

You really need to talk to him and ask him all the questions you need answers too. Could you arrange to meet somewhere neutral and do this?

blackpongo1

i dont feel ready to talk yet i think i'm scared in case there are a few home truths that i wasnt aware off

Emmzi

BP,

you don't have to talk at all until you are ready to.

And you don't have to believe everything he tells you is the truth.

And there will be more than just this week as an opportunity to talk.

I'd just keep myself busy, not let myself feel pressured, and wait and see what he did.