just found out hubby having affair

Pollycat

melly407 wrote: »

Blackpongo, let me just say how much i admire your strength in all this.

Blackpong
I absolutely agree with Mel on that.

You've had an awful roller-coaster ride over the last 3 or 4 weeks (I just re-read your first post on Tina's thread).

Maybe your husband is at the 'feeling guilty' stage and the only way he can make himself feel better is to try to put you in the wrong in any way he can - even if it means using the kids.

I hope things are OK when you leave the kids for their visit today.

Take care.
XXX

blackpongo1

guys the visit went fine for me and the kids but on his behalf he looked rough as hell and it gave me great satisfaction when he left my today in floods of tears maybe thats wrong of me to think that but thats the truth
He even called to my friends house to see how we ALL were why does he care does he think my life has crumbled without him
After when i was talking to my friend we realised it was only 2 wks since i kicked him out it feels longer in a good way our lives have continued beautifully albeit early days where bad but now ithink including the kids are lives are as near normal as they are ever going to be

all i have to do is go to my solictor on tuesday to sort out legal issues etc etc
thanks again everyone for the support you have given me and the kids

Mely

Im so pleased that things are going well for you and the children xxxx

Michelin

Hi BP, glad the visit went well today for you and the children.

It sounds like you are being strong and in control; have you decided to end the relationship now? Just asking because I know at the begining you weren't sure but sounds like you have made a decision??

fabforty

Hi BP,

I haven't posted for a while - you were getting really good advice from other posters and I know I can sometimes take over. I am really pleased that things seem to be improving for you - you sound much stronger and clear in your ideas, so good for you. I'm sure that you know there will be ups and downs, but you probably now realise that you are strong enough to cope if/when they happen. You don't have to apologise or feel guilty about your feelings now that OH appears to be suffering a little - it's understandable and I suspect many of us (yes, me too) were thinking 'serves him right'. Just keep looking after yourself and the dhildren and post away whenever you need to.

blackpongo1

today i can be honest and say i Dont want him back after all the s@@@ this week i'm so angry ifeel that i dont know him at present but that could be his emotions running high i dont know if i could take him back at a later date may be hes still with her i dont know and dont want to know all i know at present is that im happy with my life my kids are wonderful fufil my life with all i need at the minute and i am so proud of them they've held it together so well i just hope they havent lost their child hood because of him but most of all im proud of me ive found an inner strenght which has put me in the place that im in now i was a strong person beforehand but im stroger now and completely back in control of my life

blackpongo1

morning everyone something that has been puzzling me from yesterday after i received that letter from his solictor demanding that he have kids every weekend from 2pm friday till sunday 6pm i presumed that he had somewhere to live ,but he told kids yesterday he was living with his sister and i thought how do expect to keep kids every weekend when she doesnt have any extra beds well anyway thiis morning i decided to investigate right or wrong i had to know well would you all believe it i was in her street at 9am and his car wasnt there .
As i have already stsed inprior post i dont care where he is but why is he lying to his kids and where was he going to take them this weekend if i hadnt have said no?
Do i have the right to know where he is living if the kids stay there in the future.

Michelin

I guess he should tell you where the kids will be when they are with him and maybe the will be at his sister's house at the moment. Perhaps he is in the process of finding somewhere to live as he obviously can't stay with his sister indefinitely.

Also, I wouldn't agree to all that time over the weekend either. That is not fair on the kids and is probably too long, particularly at the beginning. Maybe one day over the weekend, with one night stopover if you are happy with that.

You need to have another conversation with him. I know you have decided that the marriage is over but you still need to talk about the the kids for a start off. Can you meet up somewhere neutral and get this access thing sorted out - that is totally separate from you and him and it would be much better if you can agree on this amicably. Also, he would need to tell you where they will be etc as part of that conversation.

Pollycat

blackpongo1 wrote: »

all i know at present is that im happy with my life my kids are wonderful fufil my life with all i need at the minute and i am so proud of them they've held it together so well i just hope they havent lost their child hood because of him but most of all im proud of me ive found an inner strenght which has put me in the place that im in now

Blackpongo
that's just fabulous to hear. :T

Re your question about knowing where he's having the kids - I don't know the legal position (I guess that's one of the first questions you'll be asking your solicitor on Tuesday) but I'd certainly agree with Michelin that you should know where they'll be staying.

Re the visit to the solicitor - sit down and think about ALL the questions you want to ask, then write them down to make sure you don't miss anything.

Good luck

Mely

Blackpongo, you are quite right to want to know where he will be when he has the children! I wouldnt let them go with him otherwise.
Also as Polly said...when you go to the solicitor make sure you have written everything down that you want to ask, in case you forget something.
Well done on being so strong!