Death of a friend

Jill__2

onetomany wrote: »

oh get you now hun its social services hunnie you need to contact, what was he in the care system for eg like me because mum couldnt cope etc, or sometimes people go in care for resisdentai care for disabilites eg , im asking this so i can help find the right team for you to contact, eg disability team or adeolescents team etc also do you now if he was placed in the same area? ss wont allow you to acess his file but they can contact people on your behalf, sending u a big hugs x

Was in care just because his parents abandoned him. Such a fantastic person I can't understand why anyone would do such a thing

I think I want to respect his wishes and maybe not contact his family if I find the details unless someone suggests otherwise?

never_enough

Jill_ wrote: »

Was in care just because his parents abandoned him. Such a fantastic person I can't understand why anyone would do such a thing

I think I want to respect his wishes and maybe not contact his family if I find the details unless someone suggests otherwise?

If he wasn't interested in them & he was a really lovely person then he may have had good reason. It doesn't sound as if it was a minor tiff that caused a rift. Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, as sadly we often see in horrific headlines. Your friend's parents may have failed him for any number of reasons, but it sounds as if he wasn't imagining any great reunion with them. I would be inclined to respect his wishes, if however you feel otherwise you could always write to Social Services after the funeral asking them to pass on the news.

onetomany

you follow your heart hunnie you sound like a lovely person , its a real hard decision i always said i would dance when my real mum died but when she did just before xmas i felt diffrent, sad, not like amost people would be over there mum , i spose i felt sad for what i/ my kids didnt have, i didnt take on the funeral as i have alot of debt, but i would have if i could and nobody understood why i would want to i said it makes me a better person, when my sister died 15 yeras ago i was gutted and even more so when my my mum played the greiving mum iykwim (sister was in care 2 ). i wish there was more people like you in the world you sound like a great loyal friend x (but if you do change your mine i would ring the duty team and give them his name etc and leave it in their hands) xxxxxxxxxxxx

Jill__2

never_enough wrote: »

If he wasn't interested in them & he was a really lovely person then he may have had good reason. It doesn't sound as if it was a minor tiff that caused a rift. Some people just aren't cut out to be parents, as sadly we often see in horrific headlines. Your friend's parents may have failed him for any number of reasons, but it sounds as if he wasn't imagining any great reunion with them. I would be inclined to respect his wishes, if however you feel otherwise you could always write to Social Services after the funeral asking them to pass on the news.

Thanks!

Its what I'm thinking! I just want to do best for him.

onetomany

other opition is to annoce it in the local paper?

Savvy_Sue

onetomany wrote: »

other opition is to annoce it in the local paper?

Yes, that is true, and the FD can arrange that for you, even after the funeral. Actually I believe Barclays will have to do that, just in case there are any debts to be dealt with, but not necessarily in the local paper.

Jill, don't stress about what you don't know and therefore can't do. You might find more info in his flat, you might not. If you don't, I'd leave it. If you do, then you can consider what to do, if anything. But whichever way it goes, you can only do your best, and even if it doesn't feel like much, it's a good thing.

jamespir

oh sorry to hear sucha shame and at such a young age too

dtc04

Jill_ wrote: »

Thanks.

I rang the council to see if I could get any information and they clammed up saying basically its nothing to do with me.

Do you think any of the staff would come or am I chasing something for nothing?

I think staff that remembered him would want to come if you can get in contact with them.

My mothers a social worker and I know she keeps in touch with people she works with and she would definitely want to be there.

Im sorry for your loss, but you are doing a great thing for him.

Errata

Jill - sorry to read the council were a bit crass. Them not discussing your friend with you may have a lot to do with data protection. HTH

Jill__2

Errata wrote: »

Jill - sorry to read the council were a bit crass. Them not discussing your friend with you may have a lot to do with data protection. HTH

I know. I'll look through his papers tommorrow, see if theres anything

As for my new years night, I'm watching our favourite dvd and my friend has come round to keep me company