Death of a friend

Jill__2

patchwork_cat wrote: »

Can I ask why your friends find it difficult to understand why you are mourning him and organising all for him?

As I said earlier your friends going to the funeral are going to support YOU as I said my mum couldn't stand her ex MIL, and my step father barely met her (if ever) yet they attended her funeral to support me.

They can't understand because we wasn't dating we was just friends, but there was alot of history between us (he knows things none of my other friends do), He was always there for me and I found it easier to talk to him. I've had one comment saying that "he was an orphan and its upto the council to deal with him" needless to say we are no longer friends. Gabrielle said she would come with me to support me, which is nice.

I never usually cry about things, but I feel empty. I texted him today basically saying "Hey you not heard from you for a few days hope your good, We need to do something asap!" then I remembered

His electronics teacher rang up to say he's taking the day off work to come and he will help where he can, which is nice, (I had him for a term in year 9 so I'll be unsure weather to call him sir or Max haha) I spoke to him about contacting the care homes he was in and he said they usually ship then around and he wasn't in one place for too long. He said the people who knew/liked him will be there. I guess thats the most imporant thing.

Thanks again for all your help

Errata

It's so nice one of your friends teachers will be there, and he's right that the most important thing is that people who knew him and liked him will be there.

I kind of know what you feel about feeling empty. When someone I cared for very much died I didn't know what I was feeling, it all felt a bit blank. I think sometimes these things take a while to sink in. Best wishes

onetomany

your doing a great job jill, he will be well proud of you x ignore your freinds remarkes you seem like a nicer person than them, my friend came to my mums fruneral and she hadnt met my mum she came to support me , im glad you have spoken to the teacher xxxxxx i now what you mean about feeling empty hun but its important you look after your self even if it mean eating little and often you no your freind would want you 2 xxxxxxx

Jill__2

onetomany wrote: »

your doing a great job jill, he will be well proud of you x ignore your freinds remarkes you seem like a nicer person than them, my friend came to my mums fruneral and she hadnt met my mum she came to support me , im glad you have spoken to the teacher xxxxxx i now what you mean about feeling empty hun but its important you look after your self even if it mean eating little and often you no your freind would want you 2 xxxxxxx

I've not eaten since I found him and I really am not doing a great job

onetomany

please try to hunnie even if its small things and often , your freind would want you to , how about a cup of soup?

Errata

Jill_ wrote: »

I've not eaten since I found him and I really am not doing a great job

I don't think that's very unusual, grief is often a pretty effective appetite suppresant. Try some soup or some toast. Sometimes cereal is easy to cope with because it can be kind of comfort food.
By the sound of things you're doing exactly the job your friend wanted you to do - a pretty good job.

lv1109

I haven't posted on this thread before but feel compelled to now.

You are doing a great job and your friend would have been so proud of you.

You ought to ask your friends, next time they comment about why you are doing all of what you are doing, whether, if they were the one that passed away in a similar situation, they would be happy to be "left" to social services or the council? How unfeeling and uncaring they are being!

I am glad you are getting some support from Gabrielle.

You look after yourself, as onetomany said, your friend would want you to xx

LydiaJ

Jill_ wrote: »

I've not eaten since I found him and I really am not doing a great job

I am so sorry you are feeling like this. Feeling as though you're not doing a good job is very common. It's natural when your life falls apart to feel that you "should" be able to be as organised and effective and on top of things as you usually are. But that's totally unrealistic. At the moment, you have to aim to survive from day to day, and get done the most important things that really must be done. Everything else can go worry about itself until you start feeling ready to deal with it again. The truth is that the things you have posted on here, about what you have been sorting out, are plenty of evidence to us that you are really doing a great job considering what you are going through. So try to cut yourself a bit of slack and lower your standards to "emergency coping" level rather than "everything's fine" level.

Feeling off your food is also very common in a crisis. I always feel I can't eat if something really bad happens in my life. It's happened several times over the last few years. I find the first thing to do is to drink stuff with calories - hot chocolate, or something like that. That seems to help my stomach feel ready for small amounts of food and then I can build it up from there. I also find that eating with people is much easier than eating alone. I can think about the conversation and let the eating happen without my noticing it too much. Eating in front of the TV or computer helps too, although not quite as much as live conversation.

Jill__2

Hello.

Thank you all for the updates

I got a question, I've been asked to cancel his Orange contract. I am really not sure how I would do this, I wouldnt know any answers to passwords etc? How would I go about doing this?

I've still not managed to eat anything properly, I've just had soup. I went into work and my boss reluctantly gave me the day off for the funeral, saying something that I don't bevrement for a friend and I should be lucky he can fit me in for a day off! Ahh well he will get his karma one day

Thanks again for heping

never_enough

The bank really should just cancel his phone direct debit & write to orange. I don't understand why they're asking you to deal with this, accounts usually get frozen automatically in this situation. The easiest thing to do is to go into an orange shop with his death certificate & explain. Otherwise you will need to write to them & I imagine they will want an original of the death certificate.
Alternatively (& this actually is the most simple for you) write to orange with his details, a photocopy of the death certificate plus the details of the executors incase of any query. It's really not for you to be dealing with that kind of thing. I know you want to do things because he was your friend, but they (executors at the bank) are being paid (A LOT) to provide a service, & will have dealt with these things before.