Death of a friend

Savvy_Sue

Jill, I don't know what else I can say. My sleeping patterns have gone to pot too, and I don't feel tired, although I am.

But you must eat! Is there no chocolate in your house?

I don't know why your friend behaved as he did, I don't know why he kept some things secret from you, BUT he was trying to protect both him and you. He was also an imperfect person, that mix of good and bad, tell him he's wrong and he should have told you, but deal with the facts and acknowledge your feelings without beating yourself up over how things could have been different!

Broomstick

Jill - he was/is so lucky to have had you as the absolutely best friend in the whole world.

As bits of what's happened have come out in your posts it's very clear that what you gave each other was so good and so special. He's still giving something to you - what exactly it is will only become apparent in time - and you are still giving so much to him. It's what real love is about. I, for one, am really grateful to you for reminding me of that.

The cruellest thing about losing a best friend is that they are the person you would most like to be sharing this whole experience with and they aren't there in person, but you can still write and text and talk to them and imagine how they'd be and what they'd say. Did you give each other hugs? If so, is there an item of clothing, or his pillow that you could take from his flat that might still smell of him that you could cuddle tomorrow night?

(((Big hugs))) for tonight and tomorrow.

B xxx

(And, purely from a practical point of view, please try to eat something before the funeral, or at least have a snack and a drink with you in your bag, just in case you start to feel like you need it - you will at some time - and if you start to feel a bit weak or dizzy at the service you can do something to alieviate it straight away - speaking from experience here :rolleyes:)

Stephb1986_2

Jill I just wanted to say I'm thinking of you today

Steph xx

dizzyb99_2

My thoughts are with you today Jill

kate1976

Have just read this thread and think you've been absolutely wonderful Jill, a good friend of mine died in August, we knew he was dying though but it was (and still is) truly heart breaking! I am so sorry you're having to go through this and I know it's so so hard but please try and eat something, even a little bit of toast or something! My thoughts are with you today and I truly hope you find peace of mind as you really have done all you can! Take care x

LisaLou1982

Thinking of you too Jill x

booklover

My thoughts are with you Jill. You are a true friend and I wish I had someone as caring and thoughtful as you clearly are.

Fiona xx

skipsmum

Jill, I have lived with my hubby for 11 years, I love him and trust him, but I still can't talk about my childhood to him.
That doesn't mean I love him or trust him any less than other people. It just means that I don't trust myself.
I would agree that he probably knew something was wrong with his health, and if so he chose to keep it to himself. You have to respect that choice, it doesn't mean he felt less of you or couldn't trust you. We all make choices that seem odd to other people but we feel its right for us.
I would echo what Savvysue says, and I think you have been, and still are, and will always be a good friend.
Best wishes,
Skipsmum xx

Jill__2

Hi

Thanks for all the comments, Gabrielle and my parents made me eat a full breakfast so I have eaten, I've just got in and today was horrible, I feel awful. I couldn't drive so Gabrielle had to drive me I miss him lots. I guess I understand why he hid it from me, 6 people turned up, such as his boss, teachers and his postman (Obviously me and Gabrielle)

I feel so lonely

Savvy_Sue

Jill_ wrote: »

Hi

Thanks for all the comments, Gabrielle and my parents made me eat a full breakfast so I have eaten, I've just got in and today was horrible, I feel awful. I couldn't drive so Gabrielle had to drive me I miss him lots. I guess I understand why he hid it from me, 6 people turned up, such as his boss, teachers and his postman (Obviously me and Gabrielle)

I feel so lonely

Jill, you know what? funerals are often horrible, and even if they're not there's likely to be one key moment which is pretty gut-wrenching - for me it was walking out of church behind Dad's coffin and being hit by the thought that last time I'd walked like that had been my wedding day when he'd been at my side on the way in, even though I didn't know until quite late whether he would be there or not (long and irrelevant story about MY dysfunctional family!) Yup, that was pretty lonely, even though my big brother was just behind me, and my DH only a step behind him. Even if I'd been hanging on to DH I would STILL have felt lonely because my daddy wasn't there! And THAT's even though I wasn't that close to him!

Of course someone else had to drive you. Of course you're upset, of course it's sad that so few people knew him well enough to come to his funeral, but that doesn't change anything about what he was like in life.

And what would you rather, 6 true friends or 600 casual acquaintances writing platitudes on Facebook? Apologies to the Facebook generation, but you get my point.

I am so glad that your parents made you eat something this morning, and I hope they'll make you eat something tonight. I know you won't feel like it, but please do it anyway.

Now, have you got enough snow out there to make a snowman? Or a hill to slide down on a tea tray with Gabrielle? Or to have a snowball fight? I am not joking here, that's what all dad's grandchildren will remember about HIS funeral, the snowball fight afterwards. You can cry and no-one will know, you can blame the cold, the snow in your eyes, and OK they will know that's not the only reason you're cyring but it won't matter.

Then come in and get warm and watch a weepy DVD and drink hot chocolate snuggled under a blanket and let your mum fuss over you. Because there are no trains from here today so I can't come and fuss over you myself!