MSE Parents Club Part 9

SusanC_2

Jillie :grouphug: I don't really know what to say so I've just been clicking the thanks button instead of saying anything.

weezl74 wrote: »

Susan have you read 'stop the traffik'? It's very moving in my PG state!

I just googled it and tried to read it but it crashed my computer. There are more slaves now than there were in Wilberforce's day.

SugarSpun wrote: »

I'm always impressed at the resilience of some of the little babies on this thread. I'm considering getting some counselling because I'm still finding it hard to deal with Molly's birth and the effects it seems to have had on me; some of you mummies had it so much harder and you're doing so well. I'm all :j and .

:grouphug: I still feel mad about my birth because they, left me alone for ages, gave me an episiotomy (which I had not agreed to) without telling me, had five people in the room at the end all shouting and yelling "push" and made me lie on my back against my wishes even though it is also against NICE guidelines. If the midwife hadn't panicked after having gone off for 2 1/2 hours in the second stage, the other bits wouldn't have happened. I would blame understaffing but they seemed to be well enough staffed to have a doctor come and debate cord clamping with me in the middle of labour even though my community midwife had said it was fine to wait until it had stopped pulsing before it was clamped and cut. I know that it is nothing compared to what some people's births are like (including yours) but I am cross about it because they lied to me, did things against my stated wishes and provided a substandard level of service all of which I could have avoided if I'd known what they would be like. Just because your birth wasn't the worst birth ever doesn't mean you have no right to be upset or angry about it.

Also, it is unreasonable to expect labouring women to engage in logic (such as answering questions which require more than yes or no) as it makes it harder for them to deal with the labour so it's not suprising you didn't notice a mistake the hospital made when you were in labour. Once I was on continuous monitoring, I was turning the monitor up every time the midwife left the room because she was turning it down really quiet every time she came in and it never occurred to me to tell her to stop turning it down even though in retrospect it is a really obvious thing to do.

BeenieCat wrote: »

I really thought my HV would come back and see me :huh: I just rang and they said they don't usually see you again after the first time unless you say you're having problems... Why didn't they tell me that then? Or at least tell me when/where to go and get her weighed.

<-- Feels abandoned

We're still here. My HV came at 10 and 16 days and was supposed to come at one month too but had to cancel as she was off sick. She also wrote the clinics in the book and told me she had done so. That's rubbish that she didn't even say she wouldn't be back.

Tigsteroonie wrote: »

Oh, and the even spookier thing. My placental bloodflow problems weren't picked up at the 12wk & 20wk scans. They were only noticed because I volunteered for research (due to my age) which involved an extra u/s & doppler scan at 21wks. Otherwise we wouldn't have had a clue about any problem, and we'd have definitely lost Andrew.

Is the doppler the one where they measure the blood flow in the umbilical cord? I don't understand why they don't just do it as standard at the 20 week scan.

Sami_Bee wrote: »

you have such faith in people Susan , why am I so cynical and jaded ??:o

I just thought of that because I know I've missed auctions for both of those reasons.

Sami_Bee wrote: »

Weezlie - I have been pondering starting a Parenting daily chat thread, can I have yours (and anyone else's) thoughts?
My thinking is;
there are daily threads in other areas such as DFW and OS so we 'should' be ok having one on families (I asked MM about it and she worried we'd get moved to the arms)
if the thread is daily it would removed the perceived need to catch up on 3 days posts when you've been away
removing the need to catch up would hopefully mean 'we' are less distracted and therefore less likely to forget people??

I think it would just make it harder for people to follow and make things more easily missed as it would be the same thread but broken up into lots of pieces. If I skip pages then I just search for "susan" and "susanc" to check if anyone has said anything to me or replied to anything I've said but if there was a daily thread then it would be too much faff trying to do that on multiple threads.

Perhaps we need guidelines such as:
- Put questions or anything you want/need replies to (as opposed to general chat which you don't mind being missed) in bold
- Put news in red (e.g. baby started walking or you are going back to work or you did something you are proud of)
- Acknowledge news items by clicking thanks button rather than everyone writing replies. This means people can acknowledge things much more quickly and it saves everyone having to scan through loads of "well dones" which gives more chance of reading the other stuff. I know I often don't write acknowldgements of things like milestones because a) it would take too much time and isn't as useful as say replying to a question and b) I don't like to clutter up the thread with extra stuff for everyone else to read through.
- Put an indication of age of child either in signature or in posts where it is relevent for people to understand/reply to a post.
- If you don't get a response to something, post it again.
- If you are replying to someone, make sure you either quote them or use their name so that if they don't read through everything they can find your post.

I'm only making suggestions so feel free to ignore but I just thought it would make it easier for people to be able to keep up with the thread and also for people to notice the things which are important to the people posting them.

r.mac wrote: »

we walked to a friends house today which is about 5mins away. LO wore her reins and we walked holding hands - it took us almost 20 minutes as every lampost and bush was very interesting

Expect that phase to last a long time. We have a post box which I can go there and get back in about four minutes but in the summer it typically took forty minutes with Alice. She doesn't take so long now but I don't know whether it's just because it's colder now so not so much fun standing around looking at things.

Glamazon

feelinggood wrote: »

Back from the group. Shan't be going again. It was nice and all, but I'm terribly judgemental and it was in too deprived an area. Too many dummies, bottles of juice, screaming, dirty and fake designer clothes, mums sneaking off for a fag etc. O felt a bit odd with my cuddly, shy babygrowed baby in a sling! Sorry if that all sounds terrible, I just felt very posh and out of place, despite being not very posh at all.

sound a little bit like the one I went to in Dodge-ville on Monday

csh wrote: »

Fitz, we've got the Asda baby event highchair but haven't used it yet! We've built it up tho and it looks really easy to clean but is a little bulky when folded.
I think I'd actually prefer a highchair that didn't fold to one that folds untidy IYKWIM
Ikea one doesn't fold. I suppose it depends on how much room you have?

I've got the ASDA one and like it. Its got the Graco 5 way harness and does fold well. The tray comes off and has toys you can attach.

I like the idea of 2 threads, one for chat & one for :money:stuff & advice.

SS - I hope you feel better after posting your feelings, not only did you have alot to go through you did it in a foreign country where although you understand the lingo it was still hard.

jillie - big hugs. I kinda know how you feel but obviously not as much. OH's uncle killed himself 3 days before my 18th birthday so it was a very depressing time. Suicide is such a selfish act, we are the ones left to dwell on it & it is awful when we are watching a programme with a hanging scence as it just ruins the whole day for everyone.

feelie - how's it going with the nanny?

I WANT A SOPHIE NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but cant justify spending that kind of money J has tons of teething rings!

J is awake now so off to feed him - be back later

csh_2

boogellyboo wrote: »

Csh - thanks for the baby massage tips. Im going on Friday for the first time and just know Isla's going to scream. Ive chickened out of going the last 3 weeks as I get really flustered when she starts screaming in public

Don't worry about her crying! Honestly babies cry its what they are for! If it helps any this is what my class is like:
No lights on in the room, soft music playing, mats on the floor. The babies just lie on towels. Its really informal
You are free to stop anytime you like, you can feed them, take a break, lift them up and dress them just whatever you are comfortable with.

Its funny cos you are in the room for about an hour and it goes
*baby crying*
*other baby joins in*
*babies stop crying*
*baby farts loudly*
*mums laugh*
*baby giggles*
*mums go 'awwwww'*
*baby pees*
*mums laugh and hope theirs isn't next*

got-it-spend-it

ManOnTheMoon wrote: »

MSE is the only messageboard I frequent and I have met some very helpful people, some very rude people, some people who I thought were a bit strange but turned into very nice people and some people I thought were okay, but actually they are very conniving and try to make people out to be something they are not, as I have found recently.

Anyone else worried they are one of these people?:p

feelinggood wrote: »

Perfect response, thanks

I'm nervous/excited.

Will stay downstairs for half an hour, explain a bit more about Toby and let him get to know her. Then upstairs for a lie down and a read (or surf on iPhone). Have snuck chocolate upstairs in advance.

That is so something I would do

I love the idea of a list of posters! I would find it very useful as I have a brain like a sieve at the moment!

I would be: Got it Spend it (GISI) Mummy to Henry born November 2009, exclusively BF, 13lb 10oz

BeenThereDoneThat_2

SugarSpun wrote: »

Deliberate self-harm and risky behaviour without the actual aim of committing suicide - a red flag in the hope that someone will see and understand it?

I did this for many years without anyone knowing. Maybe some people do do it for attention but I wasn't.

csh_2

got-it-spend-it wrote: »

Anyone else worried they are one of these people?:p

To save wondering/worrying I just took it that I was

SugarSpun

Thank you Susan - I'm sorry your birth didn't go the way you wanted too. We'd asked about cord blood storage and about letting it stop pulsing before it was cut, but neither of those things happened either

MOTM I meant to ask you what happened to your daughter yesterday - I missed it and the thread's stopped making sense.

GISI me too :rotfl:

BeenThereDoneThat - not everyone does it for attention at all - parasuicidal behaviour is a clinical name for when people self-harm specifically because they want to be offered help but for whatever reason can't or won't ask for it. It would be much easier to deal with self-harm if everyone who did it was looking for help - people who hide it are harder to spot and harder to reach. I hope I didn't offend you - it wasn't my intention.

Glamazon

csh - me too

I think I [STRIKE]am[/STRIKE] would like to be Yummy Mummy to Jack 'O Baldy Gummy One' born Sept 2009

got-it-spend-it

I agree with Susan's guidelines on the thread. I think it would be really useful if people used bold or red for significant things as I often take things to just be musings, when in fact the poster wants a response, IYSWIM. Would it be worth putting something along those lines in the first post too?

Maz- we like the sea horse a lot. Henry will lie in his cot and listen to it/look at it and it has definitely helped him to settle himself.

SugarSpun

Glam! I asked about your stick - did you wee on it?