Rant about being a working/non working Mum!`

McKneff

Youre right payday, there were no benefits at all in the late 60s early 70s so we just had to get on with it. Of course there was tax releif through fathers wages.

Yes, i'm just turned 60 (teenage years through the flower power era, lol)
but it was the generation before me that were so indoctrined into the female being the little wifey back home, i saw it at my own home. My mother who would be 90 by now never worked until she was in her late fifties when we had all flown the nest.

I applaud every one of you working parents, :Ti know how much hard work goes into it iespecially for the lower paid who are struggling even with two wages. Been there, done that and out without too many bruises of the other end.

Good luck all.

BitterAndTwisted

Not on-topic I know but I can't think of anything more painful than having to leave pre school-age children with a childminder while parents work. The very idea of leaving a baby or a toddler is just heartbreaking to me. I don't know how you ladies cope

Fly_Baby

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Not on-topic I know but I can't think of anything more painful than having to leave pre school-age children with a childminder while parents work. The very idea of leaving a baby or a toddler is just heartbreaking to me. I don't know how you ladies cope

It's not that bad actually - provided that the child loves his/her childminder or nursery.

claireac

I have 3 children aged 20, 18 and 3. I was a teenage mum, and now I'm a slightly older mum lol.

I've always worked! Although not so much when the eldest two were younger. When the youngest (dd) was born I was working full time, but negotiated 3 days a week with my boss, which went up to 4 days a week.

Without both of us working, dh and I wouldn't be able to survive I don't think. We don't live extravagantly by any means either. It can be quite disheartening actually. Dd has been at a child minder since she was 5 months old, and although I don't work full time (started 3 days, then up to 4 days a week), I'd do anything to be a full time mum.

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

I have to agree that being in the 'middle' means a tougher time. I worked after DD, it WAS hard as i got alot of stick from work if my daughter was ill. At the end of the day we saw it as OH's job was better paid than mine so if DD was ill i'd have to take the day off so as the loss of earnings didn't hurt so much. I told my employer this too after they decided to discipline me for taking a week off when she had the nova virus.

In the end we (me and OH) got so fed up of shoving DD with the childminder in the morn, picking her up in the eve and then being too stressed out to do the things we wanted with her. It took some long and hard thought but i gave up my job, we gave up all our luxuries and decided i'd be a stay at home mum and OH would have to work that little bit harder to keep us just about scraping by each month. Unfortunately we are in that 'middle' bracket. We are essentially poor but not poor enough to recieve any benefits. It's a tough life, but we all prefer this new way of living - money isn't everything if you can't spend quality time bringing up your children. It just doesn't compensate.

The ones i feel very sorry for are those who are single parents who have no choice but to work. I commend them as i think they have it toughest!

my_gorgeous_ellie-belle

By luxuries i meant going to the cinema or out for a meal - i now can't remember the last time we even had a take away, lol! I'd never ever have believed anyone if they said after my daughter i'd quit work - i'd have have told them no chance!

You learn to live within your means even if you don't believe it's possible - downsizing, giving up the car, only eating at home and buying 'cheap' foods, new clothes are now an xmas/birthday treat whereas before it'd be a new phone or the latest gadget. Even simple things like cutting meat out of 3 of the weekly dinners.

flea72

BitterAndTwisted wrote: »

Not on-topic I know but I can't think of anything more painful than having to leave pre school-age children with a childminder while parents work. The very idea of leaving a baby or a toddler is just heartbreaking to me. I don't know how you ladies cope

i agree with Fly baby, find a childminder/nursery that your child loves, and it does make things easier

i only work p/t, and my DD goes to a childminder1 day a week, and the local preschool another day. every morning she gets up and asks where she is going today. when i say its 'mummy day' all i get is an 'oh'. but when i say mummys at work, youre going to the childminder, shes like 'YES :j'

Tbh, ive never felt guilty about leaving my children with anyone whilst i go to work, be that family, nursery or childminder. I feel more guilty that im not feeling the wrench that alot of other people feel when leaving their kids. its like im a bad mummy for not missing my kids

however, ive always found it hardest once they start school, and im left with only housework to fill my days off (from paid work). prob why theres 7yrs age gaps between all my kids. they start school at 5yrs, i manage to occupy myself for about 6m, then decide i miss the daytime company, and feel ready for another one - when asked, i reason that the age gaps are due to financial reasons, ie can only afford childcare for one at a time, but tbh i miss having a reason to do messy painting, make shapes with playdough, and go on the swings :rotfl:

F

taliwillow

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I am feeling a little better today.

In response to the question about how does the employer know I have children, when they ask what I have been doing over the last couple of years and I tell them I have been on maternity leave, it kind of gives the game away.

Just a little update. I have now been offered a part time job so I will be working 2 1/2 days a week. We are going to struggle to survive financially but I am hopeful that we can do it. We are going to sell one of our cars and buy a cheaper one to try to pay off a loan as we most certainly won't be able to keep up with the monthly repayments.

I am still a little concerned about how things will work in regards to the children being ill but I suppose now I will only be working half the week then hopefully there won't be that much time when the children are ill when I'm meant to be at work and when it does happen, my husband and I will share the taking of holiday to look after them. I am hoping that this job is going to provide the perfect work life balance and I am now trying very hard to find inexpensive recipes (particularly for the slow cooker) that I can make to try to reduce our shopping budget by around £100 per month.

I am hoping this will provide us with the perfect work life balance but we shall see. I am going to keep looking for another small part time evening job just to top up the money if possible but I can't count on finding anything so need to know we can live on what we have.

Thanks again.

Taliwillow

MrsTinks

I would say find a childminder that is happy with being a little flexible instead of a rigid nursery... I did a lot of foot work and found a lovely lady who has loads of CM experience and is happy that at times we might not be able to dash home immediately to pick up DD.
We always knew I had to return to work - Husband earns over the threshold for us to get a single penny more than the £20 a week Child Allowance.
I have to agree that too many people don't plan properly before deciding to have children... We did a lot of planning before deciding to start trying and even then we were caught unawares not least by how fast I fell pregnant... everyone else we knew had been trying 8 months before concieving... we did it in about 2 weeks! (Seriously... first try!)
I also have a job to return to although I am planning on hunting for a new one as they are being VERY inflexible... Wouldn't mind but the rest of the business are flexible - just not my manager... joy.
would I want to be a SAHM? No probably not - maybe part time, but we can't even afford that at the moment

What is worth looking into if you have 2 or more kids is a live out nanny (or live in if your house is big enough!) - they can work out cheaper than nursery/CM if you have multiple kids...

flea72

taliwillow wrote: »

Thanks to everyone who has responded. I am feeling a little better today.

In response to the question about how does the employer know I have children, when they ask what I have been doing over the last couple of years and I tell them I have been on maternity leave, it kind of gives the game away

tbh, i wouldnt say maternity leave, i would just say, raising my family, and give the basic details if asked, like genders, otherwise you give too much info on your childrens ages, and their possible demands. also when asked, i would always say that i have really good family support for childcare, so working wont ever be a problem, and would never say i relied on a childcare provider, even if that was the case

its easier once you have a job, to then admit your childcare in emergencies is a bit limited, rather than give them the idea at interview stage, that your kids might be ill at some point, and you have no backup in place

oh and yey on the job

F