Rant about being a working/non working Mum!`

McKneff

This is truly an innocent question, i am 60, i have had family and worked round the children as they were growing up, but could i ask, if you young mothers want to work after you have had children, do you not go into all the in and outs of childcare and earnings before you decide to have children,(barring accidents of course, its a major decision. If the childcare just isnt there and you go ahead regardless, what then, do you blame the system, for not providing childcare, do you blame the employers for not giving you time off when your children are sick. Personally, i cannot see the point of having children if you are going to drop them off at the childminder at 8am and pick them up at 6.30pm, what exactly is the point of you having that child when its going to a childminder for 10 hours, sleep 10 hours and spend 4 hours with a stressed out mother and father.
Please dont take offence, different generation have different views but i would like to understand (bear in mind that the generation before me mothers did not work, full stop, fathers just would not allow it. Women then did not go into pubs alone, they were trollops if they did, enlighten me please.

And please do not take offence, i feel for you youngsters, have done for a long time. Its got to be really hard trying to build a home and have a family, which to me is a basic human right when the greedy society is there getting as much money out of as many people in the shortest possible time.

If i was prime minister, i would build 5 million new 3 storey apartments and give all married couple a flat for 5 years for say £300 a month to give you all a start.

milliebear00001

taliwillow wrote: »

I am really fed up today and just need a rant so I hope you all don't mind me venting. Hopefully someone will make sense of what I am trying to say and may be able to offer me some pearls of wisdom.

I am currently in the process of trying to get back into work after being off work for 2 years due to being on 2 lots of maternity leave. I am currently temping while searching for something permanent on either a full or part time basis. I have been to lots of interviews over the last few weeks which has cost me a fortune as I am losing hours as a temp but am also paying for childcare. I understand that this is a necessity as I'm not going to get a job unless I go to the interviews but all of the rejections is really starting to take it's toll on my confidence. I thought at first it was the economy but now I wonder if I am just rubbish and not good enough.

My current boss tells me that although employers can't say it officially, she feels that many employers will offer the job to someone child free over me as someone without children is more likely to be able to work overtime and is less likely to need time off. So she thinks this is why I'm not getting a job. In one way this makes me feel a bit better as hopefully that means it's not me personally that they don't like, that it's just my situation, but then I realised that I am going to have dependent children for many years to come (they have only just turned 1 and 2) so that's a long time for people to not consider me good enough for their vacancies.

We now also have the situation where one of my daughters is ill. As we have no family in this area we have no one to look after her and she isn't allowed to go to nursery so my husband and I have been trying to rotate who stays home with her. He told his boss today that she is ill and he may need to stay off with her tomorrow as I stayed home with her today and his boss says he can't take the day off as he doesn't have any holiday left for this year. I am sure he is within his rights to do that but it has still really peed me off as I don't really see what we can do going forward. I don't want to be an unreliable employee but childrens illness is not something I can control. How do other people get around this? Do you just not take any holiday all year just in case you need it later in the year for childrens illness?

I suppose I am just feeling generally down about everything at the moment. I am not a slacker, I am a very hardworker, good at my job and am very loyal but I do have to put my children first but I do try to accommodate my employer as much as possible too. I just feel like I can't win. If I chose to stay at home as a full time mum (which I can't afford to do and don't really want to do) then I feel that Society would see me as a scrounger and lazy but if I want to work then lot's of employers don't want me as an employee as being a Mum makes me unreliable!

Can anyone tell me anything that may make me feel better?

Thanks

Taliwillow

How do they know you have children in the first place? It is illegal for them to ask. If they ask, then they probably do have an agenda re. employing (particularly) mothers of small children.

You, your husband, and anyone else, are legally entitled to unpaid, emergency leave to care for 'dependants'. This does not have to be a child, but could be a spouse or parent. Your employer just has to lump it, but they don't have to pay you. The entitlement is vague in that it only entitles you to 'reasonable' time, so you would be expected to get back to work ASAP having made alternative care arrangements wherever possible.

milliebear00001

McKneff wrote: »

This is truly an innocent question, i am 60, i have had family and worked round the children as they were growing up, but could i ask, if you young mothers want to work after you have had children, do you not go into all the in and outs of childcare and earnings before you decide to have children,(barring accidents of course, its a major decision. If the childcare just isnt there and you go ahead regardless, what then, do you blame the system, for not providing childcare, do you blame the employers for not giving you time off when your children are sick. Personally, i cannot see the point of having children if you are going to drop them off at the childminder at 8am and pick them up at 6.30pm, what exactly is the point of you having that child when its going to a childminder for 10 hours, sleep 10 hours and spend 4 hours with a stressed out mother and father.
Please dont take offence, different generation have different views but i would like to understand (bear in mind that the generation before me mothers did not work, full stop, fathers just would not allow it. Women then did not go into pubs alone, they were trollops if they did, enlighten me please.

And please do not take offence, i feel for you youngsters, have done for a long time. Its got to be really hard trying to build a home and have a family, which to me is a basic human right when the greedy society is there getting as much money out of as many people in the shortest possible time.

If i was prime minister, i would build 5 million new 3 storey apartments and give all married couple a flat for 5 years for say £300 a month to give you all a start.

Are you 60 or 90? My dad turned 60 this year, and my mum isn't far behind. My mum always worked at least part-time - sometimes doing evening work to avoid childcare issues. They couldn't have paid the mortgage if my mum hadn't worked - most of her friends with childrne did the same once their kids were at school.

You are right though, that fincnailly it's harder to buy a home if you only have one salary. Impossible really, unless you earn above the average wage. Most people NEED to salaries, and some need two full-time salaries because both partners are in fairly low-paid employment. These people want children and to build a family, just as much as anyone else - that's why they have kids and continue to work full-time. There are very few families with young children and two full-time working parents where both parents are totslly happy to be in that situation.

Kaz2904

It's a hard slog unfortunately. I gave up childcare when mine were 2 and 10 months. I was always working to pay the childminder and we didn't have enough money to live on. I was lucky enough to be able to switch to working nights and weekends. It has been a strain over the last 5 years but we are getting there. Mine are now just 8 and just 6 and both at school. I still can't come off nights though because if one of them is ill or they have an inset day then I don't have any childcare.
I have found that during the long holidays I can work long days because the childcare they go to is from 8.30 until 5.15. They wanted to go to this and get to do things like swimming etc and love it. It costs me £34 per day for them both but if I do a long day then I only have to work 3 days that week and DH is able to pick them up and drop them off as it is on the way to his work. It's still not ideal though.
You will then look around and find people who seem to have it easy and that's maddening! It does get better though. It certainly gets cheaper when they turn 3 and go to preschool.

Morgan_Ree

McKneff wrote: »

Personally, i cannot see the point of having children if you are going to drop them off at the childminder at 8am and pick them up at 6.30pm, what exactly is the point of you having that child when its going to a childminder for 10 hours, sleep 10 hours and spend 4 hours with a stressed out mother and father.

I do see your point but I can't imagine anyone would have a child with the sole intent of leaving them 10 hours a day, 5 days a week (I don't know, maybe I'm just really naive!!!)

Situations change and sometimes putting your child in nursery/with a childminder really is the only option

LondonDiva

From an employer's point of view - sort out your child car and share it out equally between you. I don't care if you have 32 children or 2. I care if you will show up to do the job you've been hired to do.

I work in the public sector and had a part timer who had 16 days off in a year solely due to child care issues - not including letting her leave early for appointments, sudden illnesses.

I gave her about 5 days in 4 months, then offered her the choice of taking it off her annual leave or unpaid (I was not popular and apparently I should have been more understanding).

The fact that she would leave in the middle of the day, would not turn up at the drop of a hat or was not prepared to get her partner to share some of the load was my problem not hers and badly affected the team's morale & the quality of our work.

In the end, we had to plan and function like she wouldn't be there because she was so unreliable and the impact on the team was so bad that she was in the middle of being performanced managed out before she jumped.

Based on my experiences, I would have real concerns about employing a mother - not due to competence, but because I expect staff to turn up and give 100% at work and to consider the impact of their actions on the rest of the team.

flea72

McKneff wrote: »

This is truly an innocent question, i am 60, i have had family and worked round the children as they were growing up, but could i ask, if you young mothers want to work after you have had children, do you not go into all the in and outs of childcare and earnings before you decide to have children,(barring accidents of course, its a major decision. If the childcare just isnt there and you go ahead regardless, what then, do you blame the system, for not providing childcare, do you blame the employers for not giving you time off when your children are sick. Personally, i cannot see the point of having children if you are going to drop them off at the childminder at 8am and pick them up at 6.30pm, what exactly is the point of you having that child when its going to a childminder for 10 hours, sleep 10 hours and spend 4 hours with a stressed out mother and father.
Please dont take offence, different generation have different views but i would like to understand (bear in mind that the generation before me mothers did not work, full stop, fathers just would not allow it. Women then did not go into pubs alone, they were trollops if they did, enlighten me please.

And please do not take offence, i feel for you youngsters, have done for a long time. Its got to be really hard trying to build a home and have a family, which to me is a basic human right when the greedy society is there getting as much money out of as many people in the shortest possible time.

If i was prime minister, i would build 5 million new 3 storey apartments and give all married couple a flat for 5 years for say £300 a month to give you all a start.

tbh, the difference between when you had kids, and those having them now, is the cost of existing is so much higher, and peoples expectations of what being poor is, have risen, so they expect a much higher standard of living, from receiving a wage

i can only refer to my own situation. like you, growing up, my mum only worked evening and weekend jobs. not only because it meant she could split our care with my dad, but also because there wasnt the option of paid for childcare. yes, there were private nurseries, but these were viewed more in a education capacity, and only ran for a few hours a day

my mum also didnt work for necessity. she worked, so she had some money for herself, and for us to have the odd luxury, like a week at butlins. But overall they could pay their bills, based on just my dads wage

in comparison, i would say my OH earning min wage (which in relation is prob more than my dad earnt) isnt enough to pay all our bills (we arent extravagant or have a large mortgage, before anyone says we can downscale/cutback), so i have to work too. After paying for childcare and work costs, i prob bring home about £100 tops of my pay (per month), and i agree i could earn the same working evenings or weekends, whilst OH looked after the kids, but once they reach school age, if you arent seeing them during the day, and then youre out working evenings and at the weekend, how can that be any different to not seeing them in daytime, whilst they are preschool age

me and my OH tried the ships in the night work pattern, when our first DD was young, and for us, it almost resulted in divorce, as we never saw each other

As for being PM, the government has implemented the type of housing you refer to. However, the problem is, it was supposed to be a stepping stone, but the people who got into it in the early days (10+yrs ago), are still living in those houses, because they cant afford to move on, and up, so were back to square one

F

Courgette

I've just found out I'm pregnant and this thread has really depressed me!

lostinrates

To those asking how interviewers know you have children: there is usually a gap in the CV that demands explanation. Even if not asked....interviewers might make a presumption or guess as to what caused the absence of a woman of childbearing age....

PayDay

flea72 wrote: »

tbh, the difference between when you had kids, and those having them now, is the cost of existing is so much higher, and peoples expectations of what being poor is, have risen, so they expect a much higher standard of living, from receiving a wage

There are very generous benefits (Tax Credits, childrens grants, childcare) paid to parents these days, something that McKneff wouldn't have had in their day.