Rant about being a working/non working Mum!`

taliwillow

I am really fed up today and just need a rant so I hope you all don't mind me venting. Hopefully someone will make sense of what I am trying to say and may be able to offer me some pearls of wisdom.

I am currently in the process of trying to get back into work after being off work for 2 years due to being on 2 lots of maternity leave. I am currently temping while searching for something permanent on either a full or part time basis. I have been to lots of interviews over the last few weeks which has cost me a fortune as I am losing hours as a temp but am also paying for childcare. I understand that this is a necessity as I'm not going to get a job unless I go to the interviews but all of the rejections is really starting to take it's toll on my confidence. I thought at first it was the economy but now I wonder if I am just rubbish and not good enough.

My current boss tells me that although employers can't say it officially, she feels that many employers will offer the job to someone child free over me as someone without children is more likely to be able to work overtime and is less likely to need time off. So she thinks this is why I'm not getting a job. In one way this makes me feel a bit better as hopefully that means it's not me personally that they don't like, that it's just my situation, but then I realised that I am going to have dependent children for many years to come (they have only just turned 1 and 2) so that's a long time for people to not consider me good enough for their vacancies.

We now also have the situation where one of my daughters is ill. As we have no family in this area we have no one to look after her and she isn't allowed to go to nursery so my husband and I have been trying to rotate who stays home with her. He told his boss today that she is ill and he may need to stay off with her tomorrow as I stayed home with her today and his boss says he can't take the day off as he doesn't have any holiday left for this year. I am sure he is within his rights to do that but it has still really peed me off as I don't really see what we can do going forward. I don't want to be an unreliable employee but childrens illness is not something I can control. How do other people get around this? Do you just not take any holiday all year just in case you need it later in the year for childrens illness?

I suppose I am just feeling generally down about everything at the moment. I am not a slacker, I am a very hardworker, good at my job and am very loyal but I do have to put my children first but I do try to accommodate my employer as much as possible too. I just feel like I can't win. If I chose to stay at home as a full time mum (which I can't afford to do and don't really want to do) then I feel that Society would see me as a scrounger and lazy but if I want to work then lot's of employers don't want me as an employee as being a Mum makes me unreliable!

Can anyone tell me anything that may make me feel better?

Thanks

Taliwillow

SkintGypsy

I feel your pain.

You may find that a childminder is a more flexible childcare solution for you than a nursery at this time, but with a childminder there are other issues to take into consideration, like their illness/personal issues.

My daughter was in childcare from five months old and we have used both nurseries and childminders. I have been lucky not to have needed to take much time off to care for her when she's been ill. Her most major illness thus far (aged four) was chicken pox, and my husband caught it too and so was home to care for her.

Other times I could count on one hand when I haven't wanted to send her, and then took time off out of my holidays, so yes I would say it is probably necessary to save a few days for illness. My childminder was a wonderful woman though, very reliable and kind and was happy to look after my daughter through most minor ailments.

That isn't going to help your job situation though. I have been a very reliable employee with a child, but how is the potential employer to know that? Just another cross us working Mummies have to bear sadly.

Loopy_Girl

If you have children then you are legally entitled to take 12 days unpaid leave per year to care for a child so your hubby could have the time off - although it would need to be unpaid

flea72

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

If you have children then you are legally entitled to take 12 days unpaid leave per year to care for a child so your hubby could have the time off - although it would need to be unpaid

only problem is, you are supposed to give 21 days notice for parental leave

and in emergencies, you are only allowed time off for dealing with the immediate problem, like taking your child to a healthcare professional, or to arrange childcare. the time off, is not actually supposed to be for looking after your own child

F

McKneff

the only way it worked for me was that i worked when my husband was at home. I worked for years 6pm to 10pm at night. Like you i had no family around to help to take the strain so we had no choice but to work around the kids.

onlyroz

In a job interview it shouldn't be necessary for you to say that you have children, and it's illegal for the interviewer to ask - so how can they be discriminating against you because of your kids?

Regarding juggling childcare, tell me about it. My employer is extremely flexible and lets me work from home whenever I want - but I know that I'm lucky. I find the school day to be difficult - my son has been doing half-days for the last term and the school doesn't seem to have considered that it might be difficult for a full-time parent to collect their child at 1:15. From January he's there full time, but then we've got to figure out how to collect him at 3:10...

rainbow81

Hi
I really feel for you. I have tried 4 times to go back to work since my son was born (he's now 6) and the easiest time was when he was a baby! When he was a toddler he seemed to get everything under the sun (probably from the nursery!). Now it is a different issue as he has been diagnosed with autism and there really is nobody else to look after him even in the school holidays. So yes, I am a scrounger but not by choice.
When I was job searching I found that public sector employers/charities/NHS etc were much more understanding of my situation and I really am grateful for how much lee-way they gave me with regards to illness, etc. However, I do recall working for the NHS for 6 months and not actually having 1 day holiday as it was all used up on child things. The best day off I had was looking round a school!

Good luck with your job search, I don't think it's ever been any different when it comes to working mothers. Keep plugging away at it. At least they know (presumably) that you won't take every Monday off with a hangover and that you have experience.

R xx

alyth

Got to be honest with you Tali, and say that many many employers will not employ someone with young kids. Before I became a student I was a PA within an upmarket national estate agency, and when I was recruiting for office staff I was told by my boss not to employ anyone with children. I also gained a fantastic temp job maybe three years ago covering maternity leave, on the proviso that I gave my all to the job - it was literally 24/7 for six months, and I got that on the basis that I had no family commitments.

It's not right, but unfortunately it's true to a degree. I wouldn't take it personally. Look for a job within a large company that offers family-friendly working conditions, or take a part time evening job. Market conditions nowadays mean that employers will discriminate on any grounds, and maybe you need to make a choice, to spend time with your children whilst they are babies, and return to work when they are older, or just take employment round their requirements.

emlou2009

i thought employers just put you down for a sick day if the child was ill? thats what mine does anyway.

the trouble with trying to not say you have children, is that potential employers will want to know why you have had a gap in your employment to assess how reliable you are. they arent supposed to be allowed to discriminate, but obviously they do for business reasons. they arent going to want to take on someone thats had a gap in employment due to illness in case it happens again, or if they just felt like not working for a while. however they look at time out taken for travelling positively as then people often feel more ready to knuckle down and work, or more realistically have a lot of debt to pay back and therefore need to work hard!

i recently applied for a job i know for a fact that i would have been the best applicant for, but didnt get it, and the reason for that had to be that i have a young son. i was an area manager in the field a couple of years ago and was applying to be a part time store assistant!

daska

Take a long hard look in the mirror. Does what you see shout 'mum'? Make it shout 'career girl' and leave those kids at the front door when you go for an interview. Unfortunately, regardless of the legal rights and wrongs, interviewers do ask impertinent questions. If you are in an interview and have already decided you don't want the job then feel free to ask them exactly which part of the job description will be fulfilled by your womb rather than your experience and your brain.

CAFCGirl

for fear of being the evil one..... theres one thing I thought might be worth pointing out...

Dependant on the size of your employer, having people with children can present an issue...
I used to work for a very small retail operation, with 5 locations, all over the UK.
Now for each location we only had one full time member of staff, me, and the remaining hours were covered by part timers.
Now as a stipulation of health and safety, and the blurb on the insurance, and the tenancy agreement, 2 people had to be in the store at any one time, albeit one could be in the basement etc....

Now for part time hours, its unlikely to recruit anyone without any other commitments, esp for minimum wage, so you get students and parents apply.
Which isnt a problem at all!
I was very lucky and had a fantastic team. We had one mum and 5 students, and me....

So no other store nearby to call on, young un's who have uni lectures to attend to, and a mum. Now hours wise, it normally ended up ok because I was there full time, one person for the day, and lunch cover. If lunch cover wasnt available, the staff knew to bring their lunch with them that day so you wouldnt have to leave, or we'd shut the shop for an hour, and go get lunch, again not a problem.....

But say one day, its me, and young mum, no lunch cover and her kid is ill. I wouldnt ever say to someone no you cant stay home and look after your kid, but I also legally, cant open my store......and so would end up having to close for a day, or part the day, until uni student could get in to help out....

And the management company checked every day, how many staff were in, and did spot checks throughout. Yes crazy as it seems, they would rather have a cloased shop with a hand written sign up, then one person on site....

Now it was never her fault, and it could just as easily have been uni student, saying they were ill..... but there is an increased chance of young mum needing time off for sickness either for her child, or herself....

And that is something, that some employers may take into consideration, the loss of capital......

But like I said, it didnt bother me at all having a young mum on the team, and she was, just like the rest of the team, amazing...... but some parents did come in looking for a job, esp in retail with totally unreasonable expectations.....

Even if you end up staying at home, there are still plenty of opportunities to make a contribution financially whilst being at home caring for your kids.....

Dependant what avenue you're in, there are plenty of business women, setting up their own businesses, working with like minded women who also have kids, and they all divvy out responsibility, have a greater understanding of childcare issues and so have developed business plans that work around that.

On a side note, employers are often less understanding of dad's needing time off to care for sick kids than if mum needs time off because unfortunately its always been seen as the traditional role of a woman....

Sorry for the length of the post, and I hope you find a solution soon xx