yet another change of id thread - losing my ds

gordikin

BTHX I'm not wishing to alarm you but are you sure he only owes £100. I suspect he owes a whole lot more than £100 and the £100 demanded is this week's due payment. I have a friend who had to pay thousands to cancel a drug debt her boy had run up.

Savvy_Sue

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

i posted this thread under a different id as i have friends who come on here and i am ashamed and embarrased that my son has been selling drugs and dont want people i know but not that well to find out.
i didnt realised it was against the rules

It's not, don't worry, you're not impersonating anyone.

However, the sticky I think someone referred to is no longer stickied, and it's quite old, but what I said then is still true. Get in touch with FamAnon, stop being embarrassed about it, it's HIS problem not yours.

Also ask them what you should do with his stash.

lynzpower wrote: »

I wonder whether you SHOULD tell the police about the drugs. What he has is not proof of supply ( or is it?) and maybe they can help him get protection.

I would have told the police why he'd done what he did. At least I think I would.

beginningtohatexmas

thanks for the links - i'm going to have to wait til after xmas to call as i know if i start talking about it to a stranger the floodgates will open and wont stop and i want xmas to be good for the younger ones - who are completely unaware of what has been going on - they just think he is working long hours.
he came round yesterday to drop the train ticket in that his father had sent for his sister (and him) to go and stay after xmas. the only words he said 'were tell >>>> ill meet her at the station boxing day morning.'
as hard as it is simply because of the time of year, i think we both need a few days to calm down. as worried as i am, when he came yesterday, refused to speak or be civil in anyway - didnt even acknowledge his 6 years old sister - i start to get angry again.
my plan is to txt him xmas day morning letting him know what time dinner is and he will be welcome as we are missing him. my friend's son knows where he is staying but wont tell his mum knowing she will tell me.
he has taken his college stuff so am consoled (sort of) by the thought that he intends to stay on his course at least, and not purposely pack in in for a life of full time dealing. = i know i am clutching at straws at the mo

tandraig

my guess is that right now your son feels betrayed by you. (not judging you OP - just trying to put myself in HIS shoes). keep texting, tell him you want him to come for xmas dinner, will miss him and siblings will miss him.tell him you want to help him.........and you cant if he isnt talking to you.
I really feel for you hun, but my best advice is to keep txting, let him know you WILL help him and he is welcome at home.
let us know please how things are going - I hate worrying about peeps and they disappear off thread and dont know how things turn out.

chloe99_2

to op - how did it go over christmas?

beginningtohatexmas

hi,
to update...
ds came round xmas eve, and stayed for buffet, though didn't talk much. after food he started joining conversation and said he hadnt been paid from his new job (was expected xmas eve). I lent him £20 to which he said that not enough, why cant I just have the bag (drugs) back. he left slamming the door when i refused.
Xmas day he turned up at 10.45pm. came in without speaking to anyone and went straight upstairs to get a bath. when he came down, I offered food - and said although we were pleased to see him, his grandparents had missed him earlier, to which he replied 'I hope you told them I've left because you steal from me'. He took his bag of xmas presents and left.
Haven't heard since. He is at is fathers now with eldest dd who keeps texting me saying she wished she hadnt gone as ds and his dad are just sat slagging me off, and his dad will 'grass' me for benefit fraud on tuesday if i havent phoned tax credits to say ds had left.
I have spent xmas swinging between feeling a hopeless failure and tearful, and then being angry with him for being in this position. His attitude is he is the one completely wronged and I think he thinks if he punishes me enough I will give in and give it back - I can't now anyway, have destroyed the evil !!!!.
what a mess

Skippycat

Sorry to hear things still aren't much better. You have done the right thing though so don't doubt that for a minute! His attitude has been absolutely terrible. Perhaps it would be best just to take a step back from things for a while and concentrate on your other children. I know it must be heartbreaking but you can't give in. With drugs it can be a rapid downward spiral (regardless of whether he is taking them or selling them) and you don't want to risk him being a bad influence on his siblings. At 18 if he is old enough to decide he wants to sell drugs then he is capable of looking after himself for a while... I'm just sorry I can't offer any better advice x

tandraig

I am so sorry hun, what an awful christmas for you. I suspect from what you say son said that he was expected to deliver drugs - not money.
at least he came home - thats something.
am sorry - but you took stuff out of his room and now destroyed it - to him - you stole it and now he is in trouble. so he blames you. I can understand that.
You dont though, you are still taking the high moral ground, he must feel his safety doesnt matter to you. your tone here is that because his dad agrees with him they are slagging you off. I find this difficult because while i dont agree with drug pushing, I think your son was more of a go between than a pusher, he wasnt exactly standing outside school gates pushing hard drugs. you said yourself to sell them to a friend who uses cannabis as medication. he may think you have double standards dont you think?
he isnt completely wronged and you are not completely right in my opinion. but then i said that before didnt I? but you still think you are in the right.
shades of gray here hun. personaly I dont see cannabis as more harmful than alcohol so may be a bit liberal - and its very useful as a painkiller or for cases of ME - If you had found herion or crack would probably be more supportive of you. but, I think you have overreacted.
I understand your sons reaction, in his world a bit of cannabis is nothing - unless you cant deliver. then its serious.

Skippycat

tandraig wrote: »

I am so sorry hun, what an awful christmas for you. I suspect from what you say son said that he was expected to deliver drugs - not money.
at least he came home - thats something.
am sorry - but you took stuff out of his room and now destroyed it - to him - you stole it and now he is in trouble. so he blames you. I can understand that.
You dont though, you are still taking the high moral ground, he must feel his safety doesnt matter to you. your tone here is that because his dad agrees with him they are slagging you off. I find this difficult because while i dont agree with drug pushing, I think your son was more of a go between than a pusher, he wasnt exactly standing outside school gates pushing hard drugs. you said yourself to sell them to a friend who uses cannabis as medication. he may think you have double standards dont you think?
he isnt completely wronged and you are not completely right in my opinion. but then i said that before didnt I? but you still think you are in the right.
shades of gray here hun. personaly I dont see cannabis as more harmful than alcohol so may be a bit liberal - and its very useful as a painkiller or for cases of ME - If you had found herion or crack would probably be more supportive of you. but, I think you have overreacted.
I understand your sons reaction, in his world a bit of cannabis is nothing - unless you cant deliver. then its serious.

I think the OP needs to make a stand and send out a clear message to her son that the selling of any drugs under her roof will not be tolerated. There's no point the OP giving him mixed messages saying that as it was only cannabis it's ok and as long as it's only being sold to X, Y or Z and it's ok as long as he is a 'go between' rather than a 'pusher'. As I've already said it can be a downward spiral with drugs. The OP has a responsibility to her other children to provide them with a home that is safe. Perhaps getting rid of the drugs is the only way to really show her son that she isn't going to tolerate it. Also I think the 'oh it was only a bit of cannabis' attitude isn't going to get the OP very far when her son decides to start making even more money by selling harder drugs or trying them himself. Also what if one of her other kids found drugs in the house or the police found them there? The OP needs to send out a clear message that it's her home and her rules and if he can't abide by the rules then he shouldn't be there.

Oldernotwiser

tandraig wrote: »

I am so sorry hun, what an awful christmas for you. I suspect from what you say son said that he was expected to deliver drugs - not money.
at least he came home - thats something.
am sorry - but you took stuff out of his room and now destroyed it - to him - you stole it and now he is in trouble. so he blames you. I can understand that.
You dont though, you are still taking the high moral ground, he must feel his safety doesnt matter to you. your tone here is that because his dad agrees with him they are slagging you off. I find this difficult because while i dont agree with drug pushing, I think your son was more of a go between than a pusher, he wasnt exactly standing outside school gates pushing hard drugs. you said yourself to sell them to a friend who uses cannabis as medication. he may think you have double standards dont you think?
he isnt completely wronged and you are not completely right in my opinion. but then i said that before didnt I? but you still think you are in the right.
shades of gray here hun. personaly I dont see cannabis as more harmful than alcohol so may be a bit liberal - and its very useful as a painkiller or for cases of ME - If you had found herion or crack would probably be more supportive of you. but, I think you have overreacted.
I understand your sons reaction, in his world a bit of cannabis is nothing - unless you cant deliver. then its serious.

What on earth is wrong with a parent giving moral guidance to a teenage child?

Personally I feel that the OP should have reprted her son to the police and let him take the consequences of his actions, rather than have to put up with his appalling behaviour and the terrible attitude of his father. At the very least, she should tell him to move in with his father before his attitude and actions affect the younger children.