yet another change of id thread - losing my ds

RAS

Hi

As other's have said, you need to get some idea odf the value of the drugs and whether he has done a deal to pay off his debt.

Just also to point out that you need either to give them back to him, which might get him out of a hole, or destroy them because legally they are now in your possession and the last thing you need is more interest from the police.

Sadly, legally your son is an adult so there is not much you can do about his choice. All you can do is to tell him that you love him, but are not prepared to have him dealing from your house or smashing the place up.

beginningtohatexmas

ds has just txt me saying he is coming round to get his stuff. i replied his stuff or the stuff. he said both.
what do i do?????
OH is at home today and said we should give him £100 to clear his 'debt' and destroy it - before he arrives to avoid any chance of giving in to him.
i'm also worried - not about violence as such - but the shouting rows as my younger ones are in the house.
help

paddy's_mum

Oh dear - only just found the latest post from you. I do hope your son's visit went well or at the very least, wasn't too disastrous. Do let us know that you're okay?

beginningtohatexmas

thanks paddys mum.
ds came home, packed rest of his stuff and refused to accept £100 that OH offered him to pay off debt - said wouldnt accept !!!! off us.
left in silence, no goodbye.
think now i just have to play the waiting game for him to calm down - if ever.
i do feel better having offered the money - a way out for him without giving him the drugs back.
not gonna be a great xmas with one missing at the table though and i still have no idea where he is staying

RAS

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

i do feel better having offered the money - a way out for him without giving him the drugs back.

Hi love. That may not be the issue.

I am very confused by the small value of this haul - if it is really only worth £100 then in many eyes it is not even dealing (possibly within the legal limit for possession only caution).

However if it is more than 50grammes, unless you really know what you are playing with, forget your scruples and return the gear.

Depending who he has fallen in with the requirement may be that he has to either come up with the goods or pay an additional penalty - like take a beating and pay twice the value of the drugs.

The worst case I have read about involved a much bigger stash of harder drugs in the possession of a kid of about 14 years old. Mum not only handed the drugs over to the police but also told them who owned them. The dealer took exception; she was gang-raped and the kid ended up on life support.

Now I do not think it is that bad, but unless you understand the world your lad has got into, you need give him the stuff back and get out of there. Safer for all concerned.

Mutter_2

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Isn't it against the site rules to use an 'alter ego'?

Just signed in to state that in no way did I intend to thank this poster. I shouldn't have been trying to do three things at once.

Frankly PBS seems to hate everything we stand for in our Country, so I simply don't understand why they stay. Maybe they just like moaning.

OP, sorry this is happening to you both. I have no real advice as no experience in drug matters.

The thought of a breakdown in relations between my child and self is painful enough, but at this time of the year unbearable.
The only way forward I can think of is a mediator in the form of a family member who he gets on with such as an Aunt or Uncle.

I imagine just to know he is safe and well would at least be of some consolation, so hope that you hear he is.

Have read your last post in case of good news and see he has called.

I so wish you, beginningtohateexmas, a peaceful Christmas with at least your Son speaking to you. Better still, at home.:A

grey_lady

Think there's been a lot of scaremongering on this thread, the op's son could have spent the £100 on another lot of drugs if he'd promised them to someone and was worried about the consequences - i doubt very much he had it on tick, he'd probably paid his dealer up front and was going to flog it to his college mates - we're hardly talking huge amounts of class A, his pride has may have taken a denting though.

Hopefully he'll calm down, and sort himself out, lots of kids go through angry periods where they storm out for a few days, I hope he apologised for the damage to the kitchen when he picked his stuff up.

tandraig

OP - listen to RAS good advice there.
greylady - we are not scaremongering - just more aware of how violent the drug culture is.
yes they can get it on tick if dealer knows them. but the consequences if they dont pay up are painful. and they still have to pay up!
I am relieved that OHs son is so far unharmed - I just hope the lad hasnt gone into hiding or even worse - is dealing harder drugs to make up to dealer.
keep texting him OP let him you know you will help him - but, he is prob scared you will tell the police he was dealing. he needs you, but wont admit it, he is probably scared witless. especially as the police were involved - you need to make him aware that if you help him now you wont tell police - unless you would - in which case dont lie to him.

Mutter_2

tandraig, I see you know what you are talking about, regarding the drug culture.

My concern is of a Mum.

I want my Son home for Christmas. A simple request, sort the heavy stuff later.

Could OP say "come home, no questions asked? You come here and eat, you leave when you wish?"

I would prefer that than being without him.

beginningtohatexmas

ok i have taken your advice and txt him and asked if he is really at risk of being hurt without gettin drugs back he needs to txt me back - (he bin ignoring me)
he said the other night he had got it on tick - and the phone call i overheard to a mate he said 'if i dont get the £100 by tomorrow i had it' - which is why i thought giving him the money woud give him the oppurtunity to put an end to it.
if he continues to ignore me my only hope is that he might be going to stay with his father - in liverpool - for xmas - me and his father haven't spoken for years (v v long story), but i know from my dd he has spoken to his dad and they were due to go boxing day anyway.
i didnt think i was so naive where drugs were concerned - thank you everyone for your advice and support - it means a lot as i try and salvage something from this complete mess