yet another change of id thread - losing my ds

thorsoak

Oh dear - was hoping that something more productive might have happened by now

BHX - you do realise that if the police get a tip-off that there are drugs at your address, it would be you and your OH that would be charged with possession? For that reason alone, you should "dispose" of them.

I totally disagree with the advice that you "help" your son by letting him have the money to pay off his dealer - all you will be doing will be tieing him more firmly to that dealer - and eventually someone will come looking for that stash....

It is necessary only for the good man to do nothing for evil to triumph.

beginningtohatexmas

trandraig,
my attitude towards cannabis is similar to yours - fairly liberal, I have been aware that he has been smoking it recreationally - (so has my fridge in the middle of the night!). I do understand - to a point - why he is so angry.
BUT...... I do have younger children and for reasons I cant go into here to do with my job, I cannot under any circumstances have it under my roof. He knew that. There is also a line between having a weekend spliff and being the idiot putting himself - and his family at risk - by being the one delivering and selling the stuff, I feel that is a step too far.
As I said in my original post, I had suspected for a while, which he denied, and told him if it came into the house it would be destroyed. the goalposts did not change, he chose not to believe me.
of course, getting on my high horse and defending my actions is not going to repair my relationship with him and that is what iI fear I have destroyed.
As my neighbour said - poor ****, he has a crap life, his mum wont let him keep drugs in the house to sell - and this is from a woman who's marriage is breaking down because her husband is too permanently stoned to do a days work.
you can see from my waffling I keep swinging between justification and worry, it just goes round in circles. I might of nipped his selling in the bud, or I might have meade it worse. At the end of the day, I might have to come to terms with I have damaged our relationship irrepairably.

thorsoak

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

At the end of the day, I might have to come to terms with I have damaged our relationship irrepairably.

NO! It is not you who would have damaged your relationship irrepairably - it would be your son. I have the same attitude to hash as you - if you wish to smoke it - then you smoke it BUT you do not deal in it!

You have younger children - you have a duty to protect them and to show them that what their elder brother is doing is wrong - it's a small step from selling hash to selling es to selling smack.

You do have to be strong - as you are being. Our son was gobsmacked that I carried out my threat to shop him to the police (and I knew that he was only dealing in a small way - getting it for friends) - but I knew that it could easily spiral into more and more.

Look at the number of girls who are caught coming into the country with packs of "talcum powder" in their luggage - they've been given a holiday by someone in return for doing a favour .....

It's all too easy to get suckered into it - you are doing the right thing.

beginningtohatexmas

thank you thorsoak - I think I will come back several times over the next few weeks or even months and just read your last post to keep me going.
and thank you to everyone else who has given advice and support.

tandraig

I realise that some people will not understand my views, and I do take theirs into account. I do understand that with young children in the house you dont want any sort of drug to be brought in. and to be honest - Its YOUR house so its YOUR rules.

I really hope that the situation gets better for you. Time heals and your son may be more amenable in a few weeks time. try to put your point of view across to him then.
Your son is only eighteen, he may be an adult in the eyes of the law but if you are anything like me, he is still your baby! and personally I dont think eighteen year olds are fully mature.
my heart does ache for you, and i really hope that the relationship can be mended.
best wishes

chloe99_2

Actually i think it is kind of a good sign that he came round at all, especially since some fo the time he was acting normal but quiet - so far as I have heard this kind of behaviour (the whole thing) can be very common in teens this age even if drugs is NOT involved. Really hope tings work out for you, and I think given some time, when this stage is finished with, things will turn around again.

Savvy_Sue

Skippycat wrote: »

Perhaps it would be best just to take a step back from things for a while and concentrate on your other children.

I think that's very true. With any problem, it's very easy for everything to start revolving around the person with the problem, and everyone else gets sucked in or neglected. The younger children need as much normality and attention as possible.