yet another change of id thread - losing my ds

beginningtohatexmas

just need to get off my chest - i am feeling lost at the moment
last night i had to have my son arrested for criminal damage of my house - he has now gone off somewhere and i probably wont see him this xmas.
he is 18, lost 2 jobs in 3 weeks coz he can't get out of bed - but just got himself a new job. is attending college on a course he really likes and is doing well.
however, inbetween jobs he took to selling cannabis.
i suspected and told him the drugs never enter my house.
thurs i found i bag of it in his bedroom and took it - he exploded and stayed out the night.
he came in last night and said if i didntgive it back he would smash the kitchern til i did as he was going to get hurt if he didnt sell it and hand the money over to whoever he got it from.
kitchen smashed to pieces - i called the police and he was taken and cautioned and let out about 3am.
i know i did the right thing in takin the drugs away, but i feel so awful. may have destroyed my relationship with him.
even the police said he is a nice kid - i didnt tell them about the drugs - and he is a nice kid - in with the wrong crowd and a lazy !!!! but his heart is in the right place. i do belive he smashed the kitchen as he is genuinly scared of getting beaten up if he doesnt hand the money or drugs over but that doesnt make it right and i didnt know when he would stop.
ill stop now, as iv got 4 other kids to entertain and pretend everything is fine for hence i'm moaning anonymosly on here

whitewing

I think you did the right thing.

I expect some othe kind folks on here will give you some contact details for some support groups that may be helpful.

Tia_24

God what a nightmare. I didnt want to read and run, I have no kids myself so cant imagine what you must have felt inside when you called the police. You did make the right decision though. If your son has lost his way at the moment and is as you say a "nice kid" then he'll find his way back to you.

McKneff

You definitely did the right thing, yes, he's lost at the moment and will eventually get there and will thank you one day.

My grandson went through this in his teens, ended up in care and then Foster homes, how these foster carers cope, i dont know but everyone one of them deserves a medal, they are very very special people. Now 3 years down the line my grandson is leaning to be a landscape gardener 4 days a week and works in a garden centre for 2 days a week, a right little grafter and a really nice lad.

He'll get there, i promise and you'll be glad you did what you did.

vaio

beginningtohatexmas wrote: »

.......he was going to get hurt if he didnt sell it and hand the money over to whoever he got it from........

And he’s right, drug dealers will hurt him if they don’t get the drugs back or the cash.

Does he have enough money to pay for the drugs you’ve confiscated?

beginningtohatexmas

no he doesnt have any cash that i am aware of. he came back today and i offered that a friend of mine who uses cannabis for her ms symptoms may give him the money he owes for it - i think about £100 ( i got that figure from earwigging his phone convo) but he told me he doesn't want anything to do with me and now he has gone telling me its none of my business where.
i am gutted.
in thoery i did the right thing but in reality i'm not so sure and cant undo it

PolishBigSpender

Isn't it against the site rules to use an 'alter ego'?

pinkpig08

PolishBigSpender wrote: »

Isn't it against the site rules to use an 'alter ego'?

What?? Not very helpful!

OP I can't imagine what you're going through you must be torn. But in the long term he will thank you for doing what you did.

beginningtohatexmas

i posted this thread under a different id as i have friends who come on here and i am ashamed and embarrased that my son has been selling drugs and dont want people i know but not that well to find out.
i didnt realised it was against the rules

PolishBigSpender

pinkpig08 wrote: »

What?? Not very helpful!

http://forums.moneysavingexpert.com/showthread.html?t=102051

From the mouth of the horse.

System

pinkpig08 wrote: »

What?? Not very helpful!

.

Not many of PBS's posts are! :rolleyes:


OP, you did the right thing. At the end of the day you had to make a quick decision and it can't have been easy. Your son is an adult, and even if he's having to learn the hard way, he has to learn his actions have consequences and that you won't just stand by and let him be violent/threatening. Give him time. He may be feeling many things but if he wants to talk to you he will, but it'll be when he's ready.Hope you're ok.