non existent libido - desperate - please help

Snuggles

bundly wrote: »

I find it very interesting that in order to deflect attention away from this man's emotional blackmail, you choose to try to attack a woman who is trying to help another woman. If you are a woman, I am most surprised that your primary allegiance is to such a man.

Yes I am a woman. And you think I am "attacking" you

Perhaps I am just open to the possibility that there are two people in a relationship and all men are not monsters.

Oh, and neither of us know what is actually going on in the poster's relationship, and I'm not making sweeping assumptions.

Lotus-eater

bundly wrote: »

Oh I see now! Excuse me for misunderstanding earlier, I didn't realise he was using subtle and underhand tactics. I mistakenly thought he was using the "brute" approach.

Now I see he is using the emotional blackmail approach. All is clear.

Blimey, you do write alot of crap.

The young lady you are trying to "help" has said that her OH just cuddles her when she rejects his advances, yet tension has built up in the relationship because they have only had sex twice in a year. Well tension would have built up in my relationship as well, in the same situation.
Whether I support, love, whatever my OH, sex that infrequently would cause tension, especially if her OH has a high libido.

She apparently loves her OH and wants to desire him again, there is no blackmail here, there is a couple wanting to have a normal life.

Morglin

FirstTimer4Me wrote: »

hiya if you have the time please spend a few minutes to read my post you may be able to help

does anyone suffer with this and have any suggestions for it to improve?

i’m a 50 year male have been with my partner for over 20 years we have a very strong relationship both emotionally and physically however for the last 12 months my sex drive is virtually non existent this is now getting on top of me so much I’ve sought advice from my GP who prescribed Viagra

sadly it had no effect so my gp took blood tests for diabetes / cholesterol but both came back OK

i wondered if i am suffering from adropause (male menopause) but my gp says i'm not.

due to issues within my childhood I’ve suffered with physological issues all my life I’m aware physological issues may be an underlying cause however (the next bit is important) we had a great sex life whilst on the medication I’m on now (been on the same medication for 8 years) therefore i doubt it's to do with my personal isses

my GP has referred me to a urology clinic (not sure what for so if anyone can advise)

This libido problem is starting to create other issue i.e. low self esteem / depression and although my partner is very understanding its me that that has the issue so if anyone has any advice I’d be very grateful for your opinion

ta for reading and for any help anyone can offer

This site may help:

http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=184

And, ask your GP to suggest ideas - there are many options availabe.

But, 'menopause' literally means 'end of menstruation' and only women get that.

Lin

bundly

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Blimey, you do write alot of crap.

And your naivety about men is absolutely staggering. You're either young and callow or mature yet so dense you have learned nothing about men in your travels.

You paint a snuggly wuggly picture of the man, yet she has told us he blames his argumentativeness and bad temper on her, AND he'd threatening to go elsewhere if she does not put out soon.

It's all staring you in the face, yet you refuse to see it. If you want to spend your life as an apologist for emotional blackmailers, I cannot stop you.

Again I find it interesting that you have utter contempt for me as a woman trying to educate a younger woman in the ways of men, yet you support the blackmailing man! You are clearly a male-appeaser of the most pathetic variety. WAKE UP and smell the flowers girlfriend!

<leaves thread>

jamesb1239

bundly wrote: »

And your naivety about men is absolutely staggering. You're either young and callow or mature yet so dense you have learned nothing about men in your travels.

You paint a snuggly wuggly picture of the man, yet she has told us he blames his argumentativeness and bad temper on her, AND he'd threatening to go elsewhere if she does not put out soon.

It's all staring you in the face, yet you refuse to see it. If you want to spend your life as an apologist for emotional blackmailers, I cannot stop you.

Again I find it interesting that you have utter contempt for me as a woman trying to educate a younger woman in the ways of men, yet you support the blackmailing man! You are clearly a male-appeaser of the most pathetic variety. WAKE UP and smell the flowers girlfriend!

<leaves thread>

The OP never once stated that it is her OH causing the arguments, she could herself be a little moody or snappy as this is getting her down therefore causing arguments. The arguments might not even be connected to this as we have not been informed what they actually argue about for all we know they could be arguing about money!!!

See thats the problem with psychologists who dont posess the ability to listen properly, they read way too far into everything and try to make everything fit into specific scenarios.

At the end of the day the OP states that she is in a happy and loving relationship and that her lack of libido is getting HER down as in a loving relationship people do generally have sex or make love or whatever you want to call it, you completely judged her OH without even meeting the bloke, he could be the nicest person in the world or on the other hand he could be a serial killer, but isnt whats important that he makes the OP happy?

I suggest that you maybe take a little time to obtain some people skills as the OP came onto this thread to let the thread starter know that there are other people in the same position and also to seek advice, NOT to have her OH's character assasinated!!!

Snuggles

bundly wrote: »

And your naivety about men is absolutely staggering. You're either young and callow or mature yet so dense you have learned nothing about men in your travels.

You paint a snuggly wuggly picture of the man, yet she has told us he blames his argumentativeness and bad temper on her, AND he'd threatening to go elsewhere if she does not put out soon.

It's all staring you in the face, yet you refuse to see it. If you want to spend your life as an apologist for emotional blackmailers, I cannot stop you.

Again I find it interesting that you have utter contempt for me as a woman trying to educate a younger woman in the ways of men, yet you support the blackmailing man! You are clearly a male-appeaser of the most pathetic variety. WAKE UP and smell the flowers girlfriend!

<leaves thread>

Typical psychologist, jumping to the text book conclusions and refusing to even entertain other possibilities, or LISTEN to other points of view. It must be so self satisfying to be so certain that you are right all the time :rolleyes:

Snuggles

jamesb1239 wrote: »

See thats the problem with psychologists who dont posess the ability to listen properly, they read way too far into everything and try to make everything fit into specific scenarios.

Nail on head. Having worked with psychologists, I have seen this eagerness to leap to ridiculous conclusions from scant information before.

Lotus-eater

bundly wrote: »

And your naivety about men is absolutely staggering. You're either young and callow or mature yet so dense you have learned nothing about men in your travels.

You paint a snuggly wuggly picture of the man, yet she has told us he blames his argumentativeness and bad temper on her, AND he'd threatening to go elsewhere if she does not put out soon.

It's all staring you in the face, yet you refuse to see it. If you want to spend your life as an apologist for emotional blackmailers, I cannot stop you.

Again I find it interesting that you have utter contempt for me as a woman trying to educate a younger woman in the ways of men, yet you support the blackmailing man! You are clearly a male-appeaser of the most pathetic variety. WAKE UP and smell the flowers girlfriend!

<leaves thread>

I like to think, that as a man I don't take sides just because someone is a particular sex, I just listen to the information and judge on that.
While your, dyed in the wool views, seem to always condemn men whatever.

I don't believe you are a psychologist, but if you are, god help the people who you attempt to "help".

I don't have a naivety about men btw, again being one I've done the things you talk about, most men probably have at some point. Really, hating a man because he needs sex, is like hating a plant because it needs water. Like it or not, men and women are set up very differently. And yet not all men, or woman, are set up the same either.

He may be putting alot of pressure on her to have sex, he may be truly desperate that this relationship is going nowhere and he has to make her realise that something has to change, or it can't go on as it is. It may be something completely different, only they know that. We don't.

kr15snw

Bundly, I am not leaving him. Neither is he leaving me. This is the man I love and the man I'm going to marry. He loves me for who I am, but has admitted he doesnt think he can go the rest of his life without sex. If there is no sex between us he is concerned he would stray to find sex somewhere else as he cannot live without sex for his entire life. Which I understand completely. I dont want to live my entire life without sex either. Its not right that we dont have sex.

He does not blame the arguments on me not having sex either. But it is causing problems, which we talk about and it ends up getting heated. But not having sex in a loving relationship isnt good in my eyes. He doesnt have a bad temper either, its both of us who are snappy.

He DOES not shout at me, or blame me for anything. Its just facts, and I know (no one has told me this but I MYSELF know) that this is a problem I need to fix as its going to effect me in the future even if we dont last.

ITS NOT emotional blackmail either.

The doctor was great. I explained everything and she does agree it could all be down to confidence issues and depression. So she has decided to sort out my confidence issues first by sending me to a talking therapist just so I can talk about everything.

Ive spoken to my OH about it all and weve decided to continue working through this, but am so glad we have finally found a reason for it all. And we know its going to get better

Lotus-eater

I'm just wondering, do you hold hands, give little kisses to each other, things like that?
Things that could bring you closer together and get you to reconnect that which seems to be missing.
You've got to romance each other again and gently fall into bed and you've both got to be relaxed about it. Easier said than done btw

I think the therapist is great news and hope it helps you.