non existent libido - desperate - please help

slummymummyof3

FirstTimer4Me wrote: »

hiya thanks for the help

not sure if i'm allowed to ask if not maybe it can be deleted

with libido or male menopause is one of the symptons weight gain as i've put on over a stone in the last 12 months.

ta for any replies

What test did you have done for diabetes?

windswept

bundly wrote: »

Hun, if you have no desire for sex, you should not be engaging in sexual activity, or trying to force yourself to do so. Sex is not something women "have to do" whether they want to or not. Those (Victorian) days are well and truly over.

Only have the type and amount of sex that your body desires. This should not be causing any arguments, because nobody, nobody has any right of access to your body. If you do not want sex, there is nothing to argue about.

If a man is starting arguments with you because he wants to use your body for his sexual relief regardless of the fact that you don't feel like sex, the answer is to sort out or get rid of the man, not to seek artifical means to try to force yourself to want sex when you don't.

Actually, any decent sex therapist will have a woman doing exactly that - assuming an otherwise happy marriage/relationship.
The more sex and orgasms you have, the more your body wants it, assuming no medical problems. Depression can be a libido killer and one of the best ways to lighten your mood? Yep, you guessed it, some great sex for the endorphin release.

Hormonal contraception, and anti depressants are libido killers - if you are sensitive to progesterone then the pill/implant/mirena etc. will destroy your sex drive, it really is like turning off a switch in some women and doctors seem reluctant to admit the connection.

There are two people in a relationship and they should both view having sex as essential for the health of that relationship, so yes, sometimes having sex when you don't feel very "in the mood" is a nice thing to do for your partner, it's rare for two people to have exactly the same sex drive so there is often a bit of compromise, if a man (or woman) is willing to settle for a little less sex than they feel they need, then the other partner should be willing to have a bit more.

It's also entirely possible to not feel any desire preceeding sexual contact but then when you get into it , the desire follows the arousal process.

verysillyguy06

bundly wrote: »

There is no such thing as a "male menopause" so please stop using that silly term. Men may suffer all kinds of things in midlife, from low self esteem to world weariness to low sex drive to a general lethargy to blocked blood vessels etc but there is NO male menopause or andropause.

http://www.malehealth.co.uk/userpage1.cfm?item_id=125




A bit more reseach and openmindedness would not go amiss....

FirstTimer4Me

hiya

bundly wrote: »

There is no such thing as a "male menopause" so please stop using that silly term

when i asked my gp about adropause she confiremed it's eqivalent to the female menopause but stated it's not something i'm suffering with

i also found this on google http://www.andropause.com/ so does it exist or not?

there are several forums on the internet for men who claim to have andropause i'm not questioning you but you appear to know something about the subject i'm just looking for clarifaction.

ta.

FirstTimer4Me

slummymummyof3 wrote: »

What test did you have done for diabetes?

i had blood tests for diabetes / cholesterol / libido / thyroid gp say shes happy with the results.

C_Mababejive

Maybe its just a phase of your life? Its not obligatory to want to have sex or feel that you want to.

The problem arises if you have the desire but the mechanics dont work or else there are issues with a partner wanting something you cant provide.

FirstTimer4Me

hiya thanks for replying

C_Mababejive wrote: »

Maybe its just a phase of your life? Its not obligatory to want to have sex or feel that you want to.

it's not just sex it just happens to be that sex is one issue

i can answer yes to 99% of the questions within in this

http://www.andropause.com/diagnosis/quiz.asp

I know myself i know how i tick what makes me laugh / cry therefore i know that over the last 12 months somewhere along the line my life quality has gone downhill whether it's accepted ot not as i say 99% of the questions in the link above i've developed those symptons i just wish i could explain it to someone who knows what the answer / treatment is.

anyway thanks for all the helpful replies theyve all assisted me in one way or another

Barneysmom

Hi, I'm wondering if you've got the idea in your head that you have andropause and nothing else will change your mind?
Can you get a testosterone test to see? Even if you have to pay for it, it's worth it?
If it's not that and it's not your prostate, then is it 'all in the mind'?
The way of life now is fast and furious, there's never time to smell the roses..., and everything, including sex becomes mundane.
You could book you and your lady a romantic weekend away somewhere in the middle of the countryside (leave the mobile phones switched off), spend some time together and learn how to relax again, be free? It doesn't have to lead to sex, but it could help you feel a bit happier?

FirstTimer4Me

Hiya

Barneysmom wrote: »

Hi, I'm wondering if you've got the idea in your head that you have andropause and nothing else will change your mind?

I don't think it's that, what i do know is within the last 12 months i've gone from being outgoing / energtic / enthusiastic to being dull / boring / nothing seems to stir me i've visited my gp several times with symptons to do with andropause i had no idea it even existed until recently self diagnosis is a dangerous thing and so is labelling yourself i don't want to be labelled with "xxxx" i just want to get myself back to how i was before i started going downhill (in my opinion)

i visited my gp with one sympton then went back later re another sympton trying to convince someone your mot well is not easy it's only when i put all the symptons togeter andopause came out as a "possibilty"

ta for your help tho

kr15snw

Actually he doesnt push for sex, never has. He makes a move, I give him the brush off and he just accepts it and cuddles me. Its the fact that all this tension has now built up that its causing arguments. Its more of a 'I cant go on like this' argument. He's scared he'll eventually be tempted away if he never has sex at home, which I can understand.

Has anyone here ever seen a sex therapist? It's an area Im hugely interested in exploring and hoping the Dr can assist with tomorrow.

Edit: would also like to point out that when we do have sex its great. But for some reason its the 'getting going' thats my problem.