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mums_got_no_pennies

when i had my 2 year old daughter my son then 11 was devastated,my OH son however was ok,tables turned when i had my son now 17 weeks old.this caused enormous stress on myself and my partner and he decided to leave 4 weeks before due date.his son was upset that he was about to have another son.both boys were only children and think this was a big hurdle.i think as you have the 2 older children they will be a good support to your younger son and you would have the most loved baby.at the end of the day it has to be yours and your OH decision and i wish you all the best whatever you choose to do.i wouldnt change my life for the world now,not even if i could have seen into the future.good luck

windswept

As this is a WWYD question - I'm 43 and NO WAY in hell would I want to start again, the thought of being almost 60 before kids are off your hands is horrific to me but then our dd is 20 next year and we have no younger children.

It's not being selfish to want a life beyond child rearing.

Ruby_Moon

Another thing to consider is your own health. If for any reason you become ill, its a lot more difficult to deal with the responsibilities of having a small child when you are ill at 45 than it is when you are ill at 25 or even 35. Its surprising how much difference those few years make to your energy.

Person_one

tandraig wrote: »

personally I feel there are only three good reasons for terminating a healthy child - and i could probably convince myself otherwise if any of them applied to me.
1 - a baby as a result of rape
2 - a health risk to the mother
3 - severe financial distress - but adoption could always be an alternative here.
Its really up to YOU though hun, when it comes to children though - I think follow your heart not your head is best.

I can think of a really good reason for terminating, and that's if the mother doesn't want the child! I firmly believe that every child should be a wanted child. I'm old enough and financially secure enough that I could technically take care of a child but I'd still have an abortion in a heartbeat if I got pregnant. What good does it do anybody for women to be raising children they never really wanted and may resent?

OP I agree with the previous posters who said that this decision is entirely about you now. I'm sure you already know whether or not in your heart of hearts you want this baby and that's your answer. If your partner can't deal with your decision I'm afraid that may be the price you pay, but better that then resenting him for the rest of your lives surely?

Person_one

grossbeak wrote: »

I'm going to be shot down in flames here, BUT there is another aspect to this. No one has mentioned that there are already far too many people in the world as it is. You already have five children. We are all made to feel guilty if we don't recycle or stop flying or turn down the thermostat, but I don't hear many people saying the main reason we are running out of resources is that there are just too many of us. I can't understand why limiting the number of children we have is such an emotive issue, it's just common sense. If we are told that we can all make a difference if we do small things like turning off the tap when we brush our teeth, then surely deciding not to bring yet another human being into the world should be pretty high on the agenda? It's just plain irresponsible to claim it is someone's 'right' to have as many children as they want.

'Ducks and runs for cover'.

I'm going to jump in with a little support for grossbeak here but with the caveat that once the child is conceived, the mother should only worry about her own situation/feelings, the time for worrying about overpopluation is before anything get's fertilized!

I don't believe that having children is a 'right', its just something that evolution has allowed us to do as a means of continuing the species. However, we have now developed past the point of other animals, we can understand the consequences of our actions and our impact on the planet. If the population continues to grow as it is then it won't be too long before there are too many of us for the planet to sustain and those children we all want so much will be fighting for resources.

People think that their one child more won't make any difference but it's lots and lots of 'one child more' all over the world that are adding up to trouble! If people who want children can limit themselves to one or two (a couple 'replacing' themselves at most) and people start to see being childfree as more of a valid option (there's a still a huge expectation/pressure that everyone will reproduce) then slowly but surely the population problem might start to ease up.

Of course none of this is relevant to the OP, who I hope is ok and can come back to let us know she's ok.

belfastgirl23

I think we all have different views on abortion but in the end none of it is about our views, it's about the OP's views. She needs to feel that she is doing what is right for her. And I do mean just for her at first since we all have to answer to our own conscience. Then she needs to think about her family, bearing in mind that you can't necessarily predict how they will feel, or indeed whether their feelings will change as time goes on.

good luck OP!

elektra-2007

Congrats....You are so lucky, I would have loved another child!! My freind had a baby at 41, hes 14 now, there was a 11 and 14 year age gap with her children from first marriage. At first the kids were a bit resentful used it as an excuse to play up ect. But when he was born eldest Daughter was smitten and loved him instantly!!! Son wasnt 100% happy but loved him, they were very close as they shared a bedroom, and he loved teaching his younger bro stuff like computer games ect. Now the 2 eldest have their own families, and they live in different countries to him but are still very close. If you want this baby then go for it, all of the kids will adjust just like they did when their other sibblings were born. Only you know what consequences you can live with....Good Luck.

tandraig

Person_one wrote: »

I can think of a really good reason for terminating, and that's if the mother doesn't want the child! I firmly believe that every child should be a wanted child.
some children are born as surprise babies - but loved as much if not more than the planned ones.
so mum doesnt want the child when she finds out she is pregnant. three months later she is thrilled.
Person - I found your post cold and chilling. I dont understand your reasoning and frankly - dont want to.
I am a mum of three - the first was a surprise - wasnt married then married the dad
the second was planned
the third was a surprise
I love all three I couldnt be as cold as you - I may not have WANTED to become pregnant with two of them - but they are loved anyway.

barksavingmad

I'm 40 and pregnant!!!!! This is not old just experienced!! I work in maternity and see many many ladies 40+ come through our door.

My older two are 10 and 12 from my previous marriage. When we told the children, my eldest burst into tears for half an hour (as we must have 'done it' and was worried I wounldn't have enough love to go round), since then he's been absolutely fantastic, and remember children are very adaptable, my youngest, a girl, has near enough packed my hospital bag already and I'm only 16 weeks, she is beside herself with excitement.

Honestly, as people have previously said, you will manage, it is a blessing, and it really is how you tell your children. Be united, be positive, be happy and congratulations x

MrsTinks

tandraig wrote: »

some children are born as surprise babies - but loved as much if not more than the planned ones.
so mum doesnt want the child when she finds out she is pregnant. three months later she is thrilled.
Person - I found your post cold and chilling. I dont understand your reasoning and frankly - dont want to.
I am a mum of three - the first was a surprise - wasnt married then married the dad
the second was planned
the third was a surprise
I love all three I couldnt be as cold as you - I may not have WANTED to become pregnant with two of them - but they are loved anyway.

But there is a fundamental difference... yours were surprises but wanted, if a pregnancy is a surprise and NOT wanted then that is a different matter altogether surely?