....

fabforty

garangy wrote: »

And i dont know what the heck i should do. I will be 43 when babes would be born.
Husband is still white and in shock finding out the news and is being no support whatsoever, iv no-one close around me at the moment i can speak/cry/shout/laugh at with (nervous laugh) that is!

I have 3 kids from previous marriage, hubby has 2, and all he can seem to think about is how his kids, youngest is 6, will take the news if we went ahead with this, he feels his son will feel unloved and unwanted because his daddy will have a new baby, which ofcourse would not be the case.

Am i going to go to hell if we decide to end it, will my kids be ok about it, 20, 15 and a 10 yr old, how will unborn feel growing up if no other siblings want to know him/her........

Will it be fair on unborn to have parents who are older, like i say i'll be 43 he'll be 42.
Finances are ok, hubby has good job, dont know how secure it is, who does, but for now monies not the issue.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

It sounds as if you really want this baby - so count your blessings and have it. All of the other issues that you mention can be worked out. 43 is not old.

Person_one

tandraig wrote: »

Person_one wrote: »

I can think of a really good reason for terminating, and that's if the mother doesn't want the child! I firmly believe that every child should be a wanted child.
some children are born as surprise babies - but loved as much if not more than the planned ones.
so mum doesnt want the child when she finds out she is pregnant. three months later she is thrilled.
Person - I found your post cold and chilling. I dont understand your reasoning and frankly - dont want to.
I am a mum of three - the first was a surprise - wasnt married then married the dad
the second was planned
the third was a surprise
I love all three I couldnt be as cold as you - I may not have WANTED to become pregnant with two of them - but they are loved anyway.

Cold and chilling? Because I think bringing an unwanted human being into the world is maybe not the best idea? People don't stay babies, they live a long time and there are plenty of people in the world suffering the consequences of growing up with parents who probably shouldn't have had them.

An unexpected but still wanted child is entirely different. I'm obviously not suggesting that all unplanned pregnancies should be terminated, in fact I will soon have a very unexpected but already very much loved nephew around.

I just don't think women should be made to feel bad because they don't intstantly fall in love with an unplanned embryo.

Oh and to the OP, please don't let 'hell' affect your decision. It doesn't exist so don't worry about it.

Wine_of_the_World

There is more to just money than bringing up a baby . .

Whatever decision you make you can be made to feel guilty.

In your situation, Id do what's best for me! Everything else can be worked out.

nikkit72

garangy ,

I am in a similar situation ( well was ), i am 37 i have 3 children , Oh has 2 children , when we met we said we would not have children , and it happened , we have been together nearly 5 years now ,, it was the biggest shock ever , it was never to be expected , we actually spoke to some councellors HERE
you can do it online , by phone or if you have a centre near you go and see them , it saved us ,, my oh , did think about what hes kids were going to say , but when we went to see these councellors they were great , we talked we cried , and now as you can see by my signature ,, our little boy is due in just over 10 weeks time , and are very happy , all of our children ( yes 5 ) are all happy for us , there ages are 14yr . 13 yr , 12 yr ( mine ) , 11yr and 5 half yr ( hes), so we have the big age gap and worry of what hes youngest was going to be like, but after everything we can not wait for our new addition to our large family,

Take care and talk things through its the best way xx

Glen0000

nikkit72 wrote: »

garangy ,

I am in a similar situation ( well was ), i am 37 i have 3 children , Oh has 2 children , when we met we said we would not have children , and it happened , we have been together nearly 5 years now ,, it was the biggest shock ever , it was never to be expected , we actually spoke to some councellors HERE
you can do it online , by phone or if you have a centre near you go and see them , it saved us ,, my oh , did think about what hes kids were going to say , but when we went to see these councellors they were great , we talked we cried , and now as you can see by my signature ,, our little boy is due in just over 10 weeks time , and are very happy , all of our children ( yes 5 ) are all happy for us , there ages are 14yr . 13 yr , 12 yr ( mine ) , 11yr and 5 half yr ( hes), so we have the big age gap and worry of what hes youngest was going to be like, but after everything we can not wait for our new addition to our large family,

Take care and talk things through its the best way xx

Please be aware that this service is run by an anti abortion group and WILL NOT give you unbiased advice. It is sickening that such groups prey on vunerable women.

Glen0000

belfastgirl23 wrote: »

I think we all have different views on abortion but in the end none of it is about our views, it's about the OP's views. She needs to feel that she is doing what is right for her. And I do mean just for her at first since we all have to answer to our own conscience. Then she needs to think about her family, bearing in mind that you can't necessarily predict how they will feel, or indeed whether their feelings will change as time goes on.

good luck OP!

I agree. This is 100% down to the OP. My wife has had 2 unplanned pregnancies, one we kept and one ended in abortion. Both were 100% the right decision at the time. It is up to no one else apart from the OP.

tandraig

yes it is down to the OP - but she seemed to be getting no support (far from it) from her OH. I just got the feeling if it was entirely up to the OP this new baby would be loved and wanted. Was it just me thinking this or is it that the majority of 'go for it' posters felt it too?
her OH obviously doesnt want it - so perhaps the issue here is does she have an abortion to please him? i think that is the nitty gritty. would I have an abortion to please my OH - no. that would be allowing another person control of MY body. and to sidetrack the issue into planet overcrowding - well thats silly. In this country large families were the norm in victorian times. 8 or more children wasnt unusual - now its 2.5 and some of you are advocating less than that? get real!
I really hope the OP goes for what she wants!!!!
could you please come back and tell us hun? I for one wont condemn you even though my own idealogy may be different.

Apricot

From the original post I get the impression that the op wants this child & is just worried about pleasing everyone else. I do hope she makes the decision that is right for her as regret is a terrible thing to live with.

marywooyeah

OP you don't sound to me like you want to have a termination, you sound like you want to keep the baby and are worried about your partner's reaction. this is your body and your baby, personally I think you should keep the baby. like everyone says, taking in a pregnancy is hard to do but once everyone is used to it they get excited about the baby and love them.
I had a termination when I was 19 because its what my boyfriend at the time wanted and I really didnt want to do it I was very attatched and loved my baby so much, I still do. I honestly think about it at least two or three times a day, it keeps me up at night and I cry about it at least twice a week. The guilt never eases for me and I think that I am going to go to hell because of it. I didnt bond with my son when I was pregnant with him at 21 because of the guilt.
I think you should keep your baby, it sounds to me like you want to and are financially secure, your oh will come round.

catkins

grossbeak wrote: »

I'm going to be shot down in flames here, BUT there is another aspect to this. No one has mentioned that there are already far too many people in the world as it is. You already have five children. We are all made to feel guilty if we don't recycle or stop flying or turn down the thermostat, but I don't hear many people saying the main reason we are running out of resources is that there are just too many of us. I can't understand why limiting the number of children we have is such an emotive issue, it's just common sense. If we are told that we can all make a difference if we do small things like turning off the tap when we brush our teeth, then surely deciding not to bring yet another human being into the world should be pretty high on the agenda? It's just plain irresponsible to claim it is someone's 'right' to have as many children as they want.

'Ducks and runs for cover'.

I could not agree more. Everyone goes on and on about global warming, saving the planet etc etc but the main reason for all the problems is overpopulation. People cannot just keep having children.