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moneymakestheworldgoround

wow - congrats !!

I have just had my 4th and although I am 34, I still dont think I would feel any more tired or knackered if I was 45 or 25. But when she smiles and giggles and nuzzles up to me, it is all worth it.

Forget the age thing and the other kids - what do you and your hubbie think about the situation, your relationship, current employment, future plans etc.. If you barely see each other due to work commitments at the moment for example, having another child would have a huge impact. If you are comfortable and happy together perhaps another child would be a welcome addition. Then consider your age - or more to the fact, your health. Are you healthy and fit? Any underlying conditions that may make pregnancy difficult? Any previous scary chidlbirth moments? Then, and only then would I personally consider the other kids. Its a multi layered problem and I think you need to start with you and your husband first, then add the other things in bit by bit.

When I had my 3rd, I was convinced my ex and 2 other kids would be a major factor. I had counselling to help me decide what to do because I couldnt think of anything else other than their feelings and possible worries. The counsellor helped me realise I wanted the baby and therefore everything else could be dealt with appropriately.

I didnt have any issues from ex or kids so I was worrying about nothing !

If you need to chat PM me and I will happily be a shoulder to moan/cry/laugh on

Good luck sweetie

moneymakestheworldgoround

Sorry, just wanted to add my friends mum had 3 kids who were 14 - 18. She then found herself pregnant again aged 43. She had the child and the family were so happy and helpful she actually had another one a year later and effectively had a 'second' family.

MrsTinks

Age isn't the problem here as far as I am concerned (then I do have a half brother who is 24 years younger than me... and luv you're no where near as old as my dad was when they had my brother try 50... ok my step mum was nearer 40 but still)
The question is what do YOU want? There is 1 person who has a veto vote in all of this and that is you.
Personally if I was concerned that we couldn't afford or emotionally cope with another child... (we only have one btw) then yes I'd terminate.
Older children will probably despise you and the baby - at least to start with (I say this from experience... I didn't like my other half brother until I was in my twenties - and there is only 6-7 years between us...) but will that be worse than how you will feel if you DO choose to terminate? None of us can possibly tell you that because there is only one person who has to live with the decision...

Ruby_Moon

Wow, at a time when you can sit back and start to enjoy life with your partner and look forward to the wonderful joys of being a Grandparent, you now find yourself with another little one? Rather you than me at that time of life. Not to mention all the tests and worrying about abnormalities which are far more common when you reach your 40's.
Are you willing to lose your relationship for a new baby?

Fly_Baby

I keep reading and reading this thread... It's a sensitive issue for me because even though I'd never had to have an abortion, I am somewhat terrified that I accidentally fall pregnant and have to make this choice.

Women should't be going through this in our age, it's never easy.

I am a complete freak when it comes to contraception and using two methods - I just cannot trust the pill alone anymore.

When, oh when are they at last going to invent a 100%-effective contraception!!!

tiamai_d

Your not too old for another baby if you don't feel that you are.

Your husbands son will only feel pushed out if you allow it to happen, many children have half brothers and sisters and it is only a problem if the adults allow it to be a problem. You can work it so that the son gets one day alone with his dad and one day (or half day depending on custody etc) with his new brother or sister.

As for termination, I always thought I'd be able to do it (if it ever happened) after I had DS2 (was advised not to have any more) but when it came to it, it didn't feel right for me, even though everyone else was pushing me to it. It really is a 'follow your heart' type thing and there is no right or wrong choice so long as you are completely happy with it.

As for going to hell, I just don't beleive you would be sent to hell for doing what you felt is right.

tiamai_d

Fly_Baby wrote: »

When, oh when are they at last going to invent a 100%-effective contraception!!!

They have but the side effect is a sore hand and rather boring...

tandraig

grossbeak wrote: »

I'm going to be shot down in flames here, BUT there is another aspect to this. No one has mentioned that there are already far too many people in the world as it is. You already have five children. We are all made to feel guilty if we don't recycle or stop flying or turn down the thermostat, but I don't hear many people saying the main reason we are running out of resources is that there are just too many of us. I can't understand why limiting the number of children we have is such an emotive issue, it's just common sense. If we are told that we can all make a difference if we do small things like turning off the tap when we brush our teeth, then surely deciding not to bring yet another human being into the world should be pretty high on the agenda? It's just plain irresponsible to claim it is someone's 'right' to have as many children as they want.

'Ducks and runs for cover'.

from a purely practical viewpoint your post makes sense. unfortunately we tend to get a bit attached to our babies - even before birth!! I dont feel the same emotional involvement with water from the tap!!!
how is it irresponsible to claim a right to have children? just ask all the women who CANT concieve? I bet they tell you they feel their rights have been denied them?
so - in the perfect world you envisage - how many kids will we be allowed to have? one? two? or more if we immediately have any extras adopted out to childless couples?

to get back to original post - hun, 42 is not too old!

as the abortion rights people say - ITS YOUR BODY! no one else has the right to make you terminate the pregnancy if you dont want to. which i get the feeling you dont. You list all the good reasons for having a termination as if you are trying to convince yourself.
personally I feel there are only three good reasons for terminating a healthy child - and i could probably convince myself otherwise if any of them applied to me.
1 - a baby as a result of rape
2 - a health risk to the mother
3 - severe financial distress - but adoption could always be an alternative here.
Its really up to YOU though hun, when it comes to children though - I think follow your heart not your head is best.

Amber_Sunshine

My dad was 41 when I was born, which was considered ancient at the time (I'm now the same age!). Wouldn't change anything about it. These days being in your 40s is NOT old.

moneymakestheworldgoround

Amber_Sunshine wrote: »

My dad was 41 when I was born, which was considered ancient at the time (I'm now the same age!). Wouldn't change anything about it. These days being in your 40s is NOT old.

I agree - many women choose to wait until they are nearing their 40s nowadays. This wasnt 'done' years ago. Some women have eggs frozen for this purpose - you are blessed to be fertile !

My mum is mid 50s and looks a little younger. She is often mistaken for my 4 year old's mum when she takes her out.

Socially, it is not an issue anymore.

Medically there are a lot more tests and provisions available for 'older' mums.

I think the only issue you may have with the other kids is the fact they may know you have had sex ! This may disgust them.

I think the main thing to consider is firstly your opinion, and then your hubbie. He needs to be onboard 100%.