....

msflowerfairy

You are only 42 for goodness sake, you have been blessed with this pregnancy, and i for one would love to be in your shoes.
I reckon when you tell everyone that you are pregnant, they will be over the moon for you, including the soon to be siblings.
What a fab Christmas present!
I think you should go ahead, relax, and embrace your pregnancy.

jess1974

OOh i can see i'm in the minority here but i would'nt have this baby, I am 35 and have 3 children, the youngest of whom is 6.

After what feels like years of being stuck at home, lack of sleep etc, i can see light at the end of the tunnel.

I can't wait to be able to jet off on holiday with my hubby, go out for nice meals, cinema, pub etc without having to think of anyone but ourselves.

I love my children dearly, but i'm planning to go wild in my forties, travelling etc, the thought of still having to do school runs in my fifties sends me cold....

MileySmiley_2

Just wanted to say Good luck with the path you choose, make sure you can live with the decision you make and make it for the right reasons, I cannot say what I would do because I'm not in your situation. I can only imagine what you are going through. Hope it all works out. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

belfastgirl23

All I will say is that you don't sound like someone who wants to have an abortion. You think your husband would probably like it, but you sound like you wouldn't.

I kind of don't think he does have a say in a way, you have to do what's right for you. And maybe I'm wrong but it sounds to me like the little voice inside you is saying that going ahead is right. I'd say tune out all of the rest of the noise and see if you can hear it.

And I am def not saying this because I'm anti-abortion, sometimes it is absolutely the right thing, but I think you know yourself how it is.

BTW a good friend of mine got pregnant a few years ago with no. 3 - hubby was furios - but now baby seems to be the apple of his eye. Men take a while to come around to these things.

though I have no kids so what would I know

Good luck

PS you may enjoy this http://www.guardian.co.uk/lifeandstyle/2009/oct/24/luisa-dillner-pregnant-older-mother

jcr16

My mum had my bro at 40 and my dad was 50. my aunty had a baby at 42, my hubby aunty had baby at 39 her hubby was 50.

Your not old at all.

It is meant to be. This little life growing in you is meant to be here, meant to be part of your family. share your love, Give you unlimited rewards 24/7. Babies can come along at the most odd times sometimes, but it can be the best thing ever.

No one can tell you what to do. It is up to you. But as a mummy who has lost a baby i can tell ya if i fell preg at 50 i woulnd't have a single doubt in my mind but to welcome the child with open arms and just get on with whatever life throws at me.

Enjoy it , Your very lucky. x

sarymclary

OP I was the last of 4 girls born to my parents, and was very much unplanned. In fact I should have been a 3-bed bungalow, because that's what they were saving up for at the time. I put a spanner in the works big time!

My eldest 2 sisters were 17 and 19 when I was born, and the sister closest in age to me was 5. My 2 eldest sisters doted on me, and spoilt me rotten. It was like having 3 mummies. I have a very close bond with them still now, and they still treat me like the 'baby' of the family, even though they have their own children (closer in age to me than they were themselves).

My friend had her 1st baby aged 40, and says she wasn't the oldest mum at ante-natal classes, and I've been along to the ballet classes with her daughter, and she's not out of place as a mum at all.

My good friend, who was also my midwife, discovered she was pregnant with baby no.4 after her hubby had the snip! Imagine how white with shock they both went with that one. They both took a while to come round to the idea of another baby, having considered they'd completed their family, but they both took the attitude that this baby was obviously 'meant to be'. They were both in their early 40's too, but as it turns out, their little boy has really been a super addition to their family, and they couldn't imagine life without him.

My 4th child was unplanned, and I was in total shock after I discovered I was pregnant. Birth control can fail, and we had to face that fact. I couldn't contemplate a termination, unless it was to prevent unnecessary suffering in the unborn child. I had extra tests for Downs Syndrome, but we discussed it between us, and decided that we wouldn't terminate in that situation. My youngest child has been a constant ray of sunshine in my life, and I simply cannot imagine my life without him being in it. He has such a big character, and is a delightful treasure. Without him being around I don't know how I would have got through the past few difficult years, which just proves you can't predict for the future, but you can embrace the 'now'.

OP you need to discuss this properly with your OH, perhaps after the shock has subsided, and it needs to be a decision about your new family unit, not your OH's old family unit. Just because this wasn't part of the plan, doesn't mean it wasn't meant to be part of your journey. I am a great believer in 'meant to be'.

I'm aware you are struggling to discuss this with your OH, but also aren't talking to any close friend or family. Is there no one you could entrust this information with, to discuss it with, preferably someone who knows you well, and would have your best interests at heart when advising, or just listening to you? If not, then we'll still be here!

claireac

Congratulations!! Sounds like you're both in shock to me though!!

I'm 39 and my dd is 3. We've considered having another one, but we like having dd to ourselves, but age never came into it.

I also have two sons aged 18 and 20, and a step daughter aged 11. No one has ever felt left out or unloved!!

Ds2 was initially cross when I got pg, but then I found out that was because he thought dh (then bf) would leave me! Even though he's not ds2's dad.

It's all worked out well for us. I'm a grandmother now too, and dd is a niece at 3. Of course there're always babysitters on hand too...... a definite plus!

Give it some time to sink in before you make any decisions ((()))

grossbeak

I'm going to be shot down in flames here, BUT there is another aspect to this. No one has mentioned that there are already far too many people in the world as it is. You already have five children. We are all made to feel guilty if we don't recycle or stop flying or turn down the thermostat, but I don't hear many people saying the main reason we are running out of resources is that there are just too many of us. I can't understand why limiting the number of children we have is such an emotive issue, it's just common sense. If we are told that we can all make a difference if we do small things like turning off the tap when we brush our teeth, then surely deciding not to bring yet another human being into the world should be pretty high on the agenda? It's just plain irresponsible to claim it is someone's 'right' to have as many children as they want.

'Ducks and runs for cover'.

Apricot

Why would other siblings not want to know? They may be uninterested in the baby but will almost certainly grow to love it.

My mum had a baby when I was 19 & my sister was 15 (Stepsisters 18 & 16, stepbrother 14) - it was a big shock to her & us & when she told us she was pregnant I will admit wasn't exactly ecstatic but once Ella arrived I absolutely fell in love with her. My mum then went on to have another baby when I was 21.
I can honestly say those two children could not be more loved. With four older sisters an older brother they are spoilt at every opportunity. Family life for us is fantastic, it is lovely having younger children to watch opening pressies at xmas.

Don't get me wrong, it hasn't been easy for my mum & stepdad but an added bonus is that they have babysitters on hand when necessary. His youngest will only feel unloved if you & your husband make him feel that way - which you obviously won't. Children are very good at adapting to new situations - would your husband feel the same if his youngest was biologically both of yours?

My auntie had both of her children in her forties & she doesn't feel too old to do things with them.

You have to do, ultimately, what is right for you. Think long and hard about your decision but you cannot let anybody elses feelings influence you as you may live to regret it.

Kazipoo

grossbeak wrote: »

I'm going to be shot down in flames here, BUT there is another aspect to this. No one has mentioned that there are already far too many people in the world as it is. You already have five children. We are all made to feel guilty if we don't recycle or stop flying or turn down the thermostat, but I don't hear many people saying the main reason we are running out of resources is that there are just too many of us. I can't understand why limiting the number of children we have is such an emotive issue, it's just common sense. If we are told that we can all make a difference if we do small things like turning off the tap when we brush our teeth, then surely deciding not to bring yet another human being into the world should be pretty high on the agenda? It's just plain irresponsible to claim it is someone's 'right' to have as many children as they want.

'Ducks and runs for cover'.

Surely if a person can afford to have a large family, they should have as many children as they want. And if they are doing their bit with regard to the planet, I don't see where the issue of size of families comes into it.

I know many "no children" coiuples that do not have any regard to our environment whatsoever. Couples without children may have different priorities, and I know saving the planet certainly wasn't one of mine before I married and had kids.