....

Kazipoo

If you are seriously considering termination, make sure it is something you are doing for you, and that you are 100% sure about your decision, because at the end of the day it is you who will endure the procedure and you who will live with the guilt if you are not convinced it is the right thing, or if you do it because you believe it will make someone else happy.

I know you say there are others to consider, but they aren't the ones with the life growing inside them. The first thing I would do is stop guessing about how everyone else feels and ask them. Then forget about their feelings and consider your own, because they are not the ones who will have to live with it if you have made the wrong choice.

The very best of luck to you in making the right decision for you!

soupface

I think that although you must be feeling utterly spooked right now, all your (or your OH's) reasons for not keeping the baby aren't exactly reasonable! If, emotionally, for no good reason except your own gut feeling, you don't want a baby - have a termination. You don't have to come up with a solid reason.

On the other hand, if you're trying to come up with reasons because your HEAD says it can't be right when in fact your heart says it is, tell your head to shut up. Having a termination when you don't have to, and don't desperately want to, would probably cause more heartache than it would solve. 42/43 is not too old (my mum was 43 too, and the fact that I adore her and she is an amazing mum doesn't have anything to do with her age!) and honestly, unborn would probably love having older siblings most of the time. Go with your gut! Good luck.

Silverbird

If you are both healthy and financially secure then I would personally go ahead with it. It's meant to be.

My mother gave birth to my youngest brother when she was 37. He's 17 now and she's 54. I was 11 when he was born, my sister was 9 and my other brother was 7. To be honest I think it's kept my parents 'younger' if that makes sense. They're not as 'old' as my OH's parents are, who are around the same age. You can still be sprightly and active and alert in your 50's and 60's - it's all a matter of attitude.

I don't see how a new addition to the family will affect (or perhaps even have anything to do with) the other children. They won't be cared for or loved any less.

In our case, our little brother was showered with love and affection and I personally had a very, very close bond with my little brother (less so now he's an angsty teen and I've moved out, but that's inevitable!) I learned so much about babies and caring for babies and helped my mother bathe him, burp him, change his nappies and feed him when he started on solids. I have so many happy memories of him as a little one and I adored him (still do). I think he was spoiled though (by us all) and as my parents had mellowed with age, he was not treated as strictly as we had been and perhaps this played a part with the angsty teen thing at the moment!

Good luck with whatever you decide to do x

poppyolivia

I think this baby will be loved so much...older sisters and brothers...wow..thats well great!!!!
At the end of the day only you and your hubby can decide,

best wishes x

Sarahsaver

Congrats! I have a big age gap between my oldest, 12 and youngest 1 year. I had a termination on medical advice, a few years back and it was something i will always regret. I do not regret having any of my 4 children.
best wishes.

Quackers

garangy wrote: »

mrcow ......... i have to consider everyone else, this just isn't about me, it involves everyone else

it does involve everyone else...once you and your husband have decided what to do.

At the moment it is, in my opinion, what the two of you want.

you cannot make a decision like this trying to please everyone else. It may upset some of your children...but they WILL get over it...

you cannot make this decision on the 'what if's' of everyone else.

Right now it's what you and your husband want.

No-one else

Good luck & best wishes with whatever you decide

nottslass_2

Hi,I'm 41 & 33 weeks pregnant :j DS1 is 23 & DS2 is 7.

MY pregnancy was planned (IVF) BUT we still went through alot of sole searching before embarking on treatment because of our ages (OH is 39)

Believe me 42 isn't that old - Ok so I've got a few more aches and pains this time round,but then again every pregnancy is different anyway.

Nobody has looked surprised when we told them that we were expecting and I'm certainly not the oldest at the antenatal clinic.

DS is beside himself & cannot wait to be a big brother (he keeps telling us "its a very special job,you know")

Only you can decide whats best for you and your family - but whatever you decide,make your decision after you've given the news time to sink in.

Take care

Lunar_Eclipse

onlyroz wrote: »

What would I do? If we were financially secure and physically healthy then I wouldn't think twice about keeping the child. My own viewpoint (and I'm happy for people to disagree with me) is that abortions should be reserved for people in the middle of their education, victims of rape, or if the child will be born with an extreme disability.

I agree with this. I'd have the baby.

Personally I agree with you that 42 is not an ideal age to have children when you already have them (I'm 38 and think I'm too old to have another, youngest is 8 and I've moved on) but it's not too old to have a baby.

I have a very good friend who found herself in this position, although she was much younger. It took her about 2 weeks to get over the shock and stop crying. However she said that once she started telling people (all of whom thought it was great news), it started to feel real and she felt increasingly comfortable with the situation. Her son is 2 today and an absolute delight! I'll be seeing him later.

I think you need to talk this through with your husband, discussing the consequences of all the options. I agree with the comment about it being fate though, because that's just the way I am. Life happens whilst you're making other plans, springs to mind here. Take care and good luck. xxx

Penny_Watcher

garangy wrote: »

Husband is still white and in shock finding out the news and is being no support whatsoever................. all he can seem to think about is how ......... he......... will feel unloved and unwanted because /I]*there will be*[I a new baby


WHAT WOULD YOU DO?

Those are the bits of your post that stood out to me honey.

42 is not too old to have a baby. Your husband is panicking and hiding behind his little boy. There is 5 years between our DS1 and his older siblings from my husband's first marriage. They loved DS1 to bits! They had the chance to be a big brother and sister. There is also 12 years between DS1 and my DD1. She felt no less love from me because she had a little brother.




Take a deep breath.




I'm tempted to tell your husband to 'grow a pair', but that's not fair, he's in shock.

If I were you I'd take this baby as an unexpected blessing. But what I think isn't important. Do what your heart tells you to do, whatever that may be. :kisses3:


BTW my Granny was almost 50 when her last baby was born with a 13 year gap to her previous child. She was convinced she was going through the change!

NAR

Mmmm OH needs a good kick in the rear end. He is 50% responsible for the pregnancy, so if he didn't want more kids he should have taken precautions (snip).

That said, it has happened and needs to be faced. He reckons his youngest will feel unloved if a new baby comes on the scene - surely that is mostly his responsibilty to ensure that situation does not arise.

I agree with others you two need to sit down and talk and find out why he really doesn't want another addition. Good luck.