so disappointed...

hieveryone

jillymit wrote: »

Sorry I didn't thank you for you post, I wasn't intentionally ignoring it.
I thought hard about my thread title but it did sum up how I felt at the time.:o
Yes, fair comment, if that was the case but with respect I haven't done the whole 'we're so disappointed routine' with him. That's why I felt the need to come on here and speak freely about how I felt to be honest.

It was his choice to go on to further education and then uni, he's the one that felt he had let himself down and I did my best to offer practical advice without too much emotion or my own opinion on what he should do.

It really wouldn't have helped him if I'd have said sit tight I'm coming to get you or if I'd have ranted and raved about how one of these days he'll learn that to get something out of life you have to put the odd bit in. I've done nothing but tell him we love him and will support him (emotionally) whatever he decides to do but he needed to seek the help he needed himself.
Thank you for our comment though I do have a habit of making it all about me:o

Good, I'm glad to hear that :T

It is such a hard decision to make, and when I got into my uni at 17, my mum told everybody and anybody that would listen, including cashiers at supermarkets at points!

So I can understand how it might feel that he's let himself and you down, but sometimes things just do not 'fit', and that may be the case here.

Or, if he is just not motivated, it may be the wrong course for him, he may be emotionally immature (you don't mention his age I think?), the surroundings may just not 'be him'.

I hope he works things out for the best, university days are supposed to be some of the best of your life, and if they are miserable then it will not be a worthwhile memory for him.

jillymit

Hi Floss2,
He's at Kent (Canterbury)

jillymit

hieveryone wrote: »

Good, I'm glad to hear that :T

It is such a hard decision to make, and when I got into my uni at 17, my mum told everybody and anybody that would listen, including cashiers at supermarkets at points!

So I can understand how it might feel that he's let himself and you down, but sometimes things just do not 'fit', and that may be the case here.

Or, if he is just not motivated, it may be the wrong course for him, he may be emotionally immature (you don't mention his age I think?), the surroundings may just not 'be him'.

I hope he works things out for the best, university days are supposed to be some of the best of your life, and if they are miserable then it will not be a worthwhile memory for him.

Yes, I was a bit like your Mum, so very proud. Probably because he was the first in our family to college and then to want to go on to university, well I was beside myself ha ha!
He's only 18 and not 19 until next July.
I know it's not for everyone and he may yet decide it's not for him but he was so over whelmed and had got himself in such a corner by not talking to anyone there and in his own words ****ing it all up that he couldn't see it wasn't all over and that there was more than one way out of the mess. I don't think he wanted to give the whole thing up as he kept saying 'I just want to start again', probably because that would be easier than catching up (cruel of me to say but I know him! )

hieveryone

jillymit wrote: »

Yes, I was a bit like your Mum, so very proud. Probably because he was the first in our family to college and then to want to go on to university, well I was beside myself ha ha!
He's only 18 and not 19 until next July.
I know it's not for everyone and he may yet decide it's not for him but he was so over whelmed and had got himself in such a corner by not talking to anyone there and in his own words ****ing it all up that he couldn't see it wasn't all over and that there was more than one way out of the mess. I don't think he wanted to give the whole thing up as he kept saying 'I just want to start again', probably because that would be easier than catching up (cruel of me to say but I know him! )

Yes, I was the first too so I know the pressure!

It is telling though that he 'wants to start again' - maybe he has had a 'taste' of what university life is like, and feels that he would want to start again going in with his eyes open if you know what I mean?
18 is still young, I didn't feel ready to go back to university at that age after I left, so I went to college to do a higher level qualification than school, but not quite as high as uni - I found it a brilliant 'halfway house' to build my confidence and get me used to the independent motivation needed for uni work. :T

jillymit

hieveryone wrote: »

Yes, I was the first too so I know the pressure!

It is telling though that he 'wants to start again' - maybe he has had a 'taste' of what university life is like, and feels that he would want to start again going in with his eyes open if you know what I mean?
18 is still young, I didn't feel ready to go back to university at that age after I left, so I went to college to do a higher level qualification than school, but not quite as high as uni - I found it a brilliant 'halfway house' to build my confidence and get me used to the independent motivation needed for uni work. :T

Yes, he probably would and I agree it is telling but I think it's tell me something different than it's telling you.
He'd obviously like to just turn back the clock and not do the work he's got in front of him plus what he's still getting on a day to day basis. I agree that would be so much easier in theory to start again but financially it would be difficult (if not impossible)
We were not in a position to fund his course or his accommodation so he has taken loans and has a small grant to fund it. As far as i Know he would not be eligible to receive these again next year.
That why I felt it so important for him to seek help and make an informed choice. It would have been silly to just make a decision without thinking about the consequences.
He doesn't think the work is too much for him and he seems to like the uni / area / new friends he's just got himself in a mess by not doing any work as he received it until he had so much to do he didn't know where to start.
He will either get it sorted and come out the other end a new man with a very hard lesson learned or decide it is too much to do / not for him after all and come home and try and get a job while he rethinks his future options.
He did do 2 years at college before he went away so it's not like he's gone straight from school.

BitterAndTwisted

Oh, I'm sure if he's acquired some good study-habits he'll be able to catch up over the Christmas hols and then everything will be OK. It's really fortunate that he's had the realisation that he needs to apply himself and not devote all of his time to having a good time right away in the first term. As has already been mentioned, the first year isn't the most important one and that's probably because all those young folks have so much personal development to do in such a hurry. I sincerely hope he decides to give it a go and continue with his degree

jillymit

Thanks again B&T, I hope you're right and this will be just be another lesson learned (or is it learnt?)
I'm off to bed now but at least I'll get some sleep tonight now I know he's ok.

flower24

Hi, a similar thing happened to me when I was at sixth form, I ended up leaving just before my exams in the first year as everything got on top of me. I worked full time until September and then started college and stayed the whole two years.

He might pleasantly surprise you. x

ALWAYS_POOR

This sounds sooo familiar to me. DD2 started uni at 18 living away from home in Halls. By Christmas she'd spent all her loan, run her overdraft up to its limit and was sky high on a credit card and after having spent all that money enjoying herself had fallen behind with her work. After some soul-searching she left and came home. She worked at her pre-uni job until the following September when she started again at the same uni on the same course. This time she managed up until the middle of the third year. The she packed it in for a mysterious reason which I have never got to the bottom of. I was absolutely heartbroken this time. She worked again until the next September and came home to uni in Cardiff and started in the 2nd year of a similar course. This time she lasted until the end and got her degree.

I think 18 was too young to leave home and go away to university, then the banks threw money at her which she HAD to spend enjoying herself. She was just too immature to cope with it all.

Happily it has all worked out but what a rough journey! :T

sparklewing

Honestly tell him not to stress out too much. Resits are there for a reason, plus you only need like 35% in exams to pass (well you did in my course) and you can practically guess your way to that.

In my 3 years at uni I worked as a nightclub manager, I made it to 35 lectures and no tutorials at all and I still managed to walk away with a degree. (of course my uni put all my lectures notes online which made it easier). I never bothered doing my honours year as it was blatantly obvious that I had no interest in the subject and once I had my basic degree I was happy.

He can definitely catch up and pass. I've got friends who resat whole years.

To be perfectly honest for many people uni is a bit of a waste, not so much the degree because that is useful but the chosen subject could be anything. Out of all my friends that went to uni studying various subjects (about 25) only 2 still work in their subject field (a doctor and a teacher). I think 17/18 is far too early for most to be choosing what you want to do for the rest of your life.