so disappointed...

poet123

In many courses the first year does not actually count to the final degree classification. So, all is not lost. If he gets his head down now he will be fine, it is a big adjustment, and no matter how many you have seen off to Uni (I have had 3 go) they are all different and all react differently, but they just need to find their feet and most of them are fine.

That said, one of my sons changed degree courses after 18 months, as he hated it. The following year he re appplied for the course he should always have done (but wouldnt take our advice about!) and never looked back. He graduated, and now teaches English, which is his passion.

So, whilst he should persevere a bit, if he does give up the course there can still be light at the end of the tunnel!!

jillymit

littlemissmoney wrote: »

Even if he has done no work in the first term he can catch up over the xmas holidays if he doesn't have to do paid work. How many weeks is he at home?

He breaks up on the 18th and it looks like term starts on the 18th of Jan so a full month off.
No, he doesn't have to do any 'paid' work during the holiday and as long as he picks up after himself he's pretty much looked after here so nothing to get in the way of study! I'd serve his meals on a silver tray if I thought it would help!:D
He has lost his nice big room though as his little brother has moved in now ( as agreed prior to him leaving for uni) so if he decides to jack it in and come home he'll be in the box room.;)

jillymit

poet123 wrote: »

In many courses the first year does not actually count to the final degree classification. So, all is not lost. If he gets his head down now he will be fine, it is a big adjustment, and no matter how many you have seen off to Uni (I have had 3 go) they are all different and all react differently, but they just need to find their feet and most of them are fine.

That said, one of my sons changed degree courses after 18 months, as he hated it. The following year he re appplied for the course he should always have done (but wouldnt take our advice about!) and never looked back. He graduated, and now teaches English, which is his passion.

So, whilst he should persevere a bit, if he does give up the course there can still be light at the end of the tunnel!!

Yes I have thought that some people are able to swap courses up to around Christmas so they must be able 'to catch up'. It can't be impossible surely.

Still no word from him so I'm trying really hard not to pester him. I might crack and call him tomorrow night if I've still not heard ( I've got no staying power!)

lorietta

Hey, I've just started in my first year at uni, and I do think it is a lot to deal with. Most people go having never lived away from home before, and while everyone is in the same boat, I often feel others are coping better than me. It is also a different style of teaching to school or college and it can be hard to self motivate.

Talking to his tutor sounds like a step in the right direction. I have missed a few lectures recently due to illness and I was pannicing I wouldn't catch up, but my tutor reassured me that I would be able to, and they are used to people struggling in the first term for all sorts of reasons.

A lot of people have dropped out of my uni for varying reasons and no-one finds it easy all the time, but I am sure he is getting support from the people around him, who will know what it feels like. I am sure he won't mind if you send him a text asking how his meeting was, and I am sure if he feels he needs you he will let you know.

I know this probably isn't very helpful, but what I am trying to say is people struggle in the first term and universities are prepared for this and will help him stick at it if this is what he wants.

greenspark

jillymit wrote: »

I looked up all the student support staff details on the uni web site and sent them to mine, I know he could have looked them up himself but it was all I could think of to do to help. I was amazed at how much there was from personal tutors to confidential councillors even a chaplain, although as a family we are not religious.

Hi jillymit

The advice about talking to his tutor that people have mentioned is very sensible, he can talk about any academic concerns and options and get some information to help him make his decision.

However the student support you've found could also be very useful as well as seeing his tutor.

I'd strongly recommend he sits down with a member of administrative staff to go through his plans and options as well - someone in the Faculty administrative team who deals with the admin for his course, or a Faculty Student Advisor.

These are the people who will be able to go through the practical aspects of any decisions with him and advise him on his options in terms of finance, credits, timing etc.

They'll be able to advise him on whether he might be better off leaving now and starting again from scratch in the future, or whether he would have nothing to lose by at least attempting the first batch of assessments, whether he can put things on hold or change course, when fee deadlines kick in (ie whether he is entitled to some of the year's fee being cancelled if he leaves now or next term etc). There might be some options that would suit your son that would mean he didn't feel he had to withdraw completely.

I've worked in this kind of role (but not with undergrad students so can't specifically advise; also different unis will have different regulations), and there have been students who've come to me and we've worked out that they had nothing to lose by at least attempting the assessments for the modules they'd started, and identified the latest date they could formally withdraw without losing their full year's fee, or that they could just take two modules instead of four the following term, that kind of thing. Conversely, there were those students who didn't come and see me and just drifted off the course and that was frustrating because I could have saved them money or helped them leave with at least a couple of completed modules under their belt.

Academic staff are excellent for advice on course content, some will have knowledge on regulations and a pastoral role as well, so definitely speak to them. But (without putting them down but speaking from experience...) some (not all) tutors can be a bit dismissive of regulations and think they don't matter, or make up their own, which can lead to students being misinformed on the fine detail and being penalised financially or academically.

The faculty admin/advice staff are the experts on the boring stuff like fees, and deadlines to withdraw or swap courses. They'll be able to go through what your son and his tutor have decided and help him work out the best way of going about it.

jillymit

I've just woken up on the sofa (bad habit!)and read through this thread again. You have all been so kind offering some really constructive advice and taking the time to post . I've had a couple of really lovely PMs, thanks to those people as well.:D
I would love to be able to let you know how my DS is but I've just checked my email and phone for the billionth time and nothing...................:mad:
I know it's something he has to work out himself, I know that, but it's agony waiting for news not knowing if he's ok or if he's spoken to anyone yet.

I've emailed him asking for some contact just so I know he's ok.
I'm almost getting cross, I haven't heard. He was very upset last time I spoken to him and I'm obviously worried about him.
Sorry to rant. I'm sure he's in the middle of this really big life crisis and naturally hasn't thought about anyone else but.............Arrrrrgh!

jillymit

He has emailed (at last)
Having met with his tutor he's going to work his socks off over the Christmas break and do as much as he can to catch up.:j
Hopefully this will have shaken him up enough to make him realise that although it's great to have a social life he's supposed to be studying as well!
I'm not daft enough to think he's out of the woods yet, it's going to take a lot of work to catch up and he's going to have to change a few deep set bad habits so he doesn't find himself in this position again.
I've passed on all your good advice and wanted to thank you all again for listening to all my ramblings and supporting me where family have been too close to the subject to be of much comfort.

:beer:

floss2

melancholly wrote: »

whether or not uni is for him, he will still have to pay back loans for the time he is there! that is a major factor - once money is invested in this level of education, walking away is a lot harder than say, 15 years ago, when you didn't have to pay!!

As far as I know, my ex-husband is still paying for his student loans and he graduated in 1995...

jillymit wrote: »

...Computer Science....

Which Uni is he at, just out of curiosity?

jillymit wrote: »

He has emailed (at last) :beer:

Good news!

System

He isn't the first student to find themselves in this situation, and he won't be the last. I was lucky in that i found out early on i needed to knuckle down and work, mainly cos i ended up skint a few months in so had to get a job and work to survive, this and uni left very little time for partying. It can be a massive shock to the system, and its no wonder that as a parent you're now worrying.

If he hasn't already done so he needs to speak to his tutors, that way he'll know if this year is salvageable or if he would be better off starting a fresh. I know in my first year i wanted to change course but my mum encouraged me to stay on (later telling me in my 3rd year i should have changed courses-thanks mum!) So knowing dropping out wasn't an option i made the best of it and ended up with a 2:2. Albeit not brilliant but considering i was convinced i'd failed it came as a nice surprise. I contribute that partly to having untreated depression and PD the whole time but i know i could have worked harder (but hated my course).

jillymit

hieveryone wrote: »

Op, I appreciate that you want the best for your son and want him to do well in life, but I find it a shame that you say you are 'so disappointed' - maybe this feeling is rubbing off on your son and that is why he finds it hard to open up?

I dropped out of my first year at uni, I was only 17 and it just wasn't the right time for me. I had no hesitation in telling my parents, and I knew they would be fine with it. The uni I got into at that time is one of the best in the country I live in.

They completely supported me, didn't do the whole 'we're so disappointed' routine etc, and I felt totally happy with my decision, like a weight had been lifted.

I worked for a year, (to be fair, in !!!!py jobs), travelled a bit, but most importantly - GREW UP. Working in all those rubbish jobs showed me that I wanted to get to a better place, and I went back to college and night school, got my grades, got back into uni, and ended up with my dream career.

Maybe your son just needs to know that you are 'there', and that you will love and support him whatever he does, uni or no uni

Sorry I didn't thank you for you post, I wasn't intentionally ignoring it.
I thought hard about my thread title but it did sum up how I felt at the time.:o
Yes, fair comment, if that was the case but with respect I haven't done the whole 'we're so disappointed routine' with him. That's why I felt the need to come on here and speak freely about how I felt to be honest.

It was his choice to go on to further education and then uni, he's the one that felt he had let himself down and I did my best to offer practical advice without too much emotion or my own opinion on what he should do.

It really wouldn't have helped him if I'd have said sit tight I'm coming to get you or if I'd have ranted and raved about how one of these days he'll learn that to get something out of life you have to put the odd bit in. I've done nothing but tell him we love him and will support him (emotionally) whatever he decides to do but he needed to seek the help he needed himself.
Thank you for our comment though I do have a habit of making it all about me:o