How do you put a baby to sleep on its own without crying?

jamespir

some times you have to let them cry the more you faff around with her the harder it will be its the old cruel to be kind situation

after five nights of our baby crying (it was heart wrenching) he got the message and was able to do it without the crying

csh_2

skintchick wrote: »

It seems to me that the real answer is that it can;t be done. That you either physically help your child go to sleep, by feeding them, holding them, or whatever, or you train your child to go to sleep by leaving them on their own to cry until they do so.

My son goes down awake in a crib next to my bed and has done every night since I bought him home from hospital 8 weeks ago. He doesn't ever cry before going to sleep. Now that he is a wee bit older he has a dreamshow projector on the ceiling that he coos at until he goes over. The only time he cried or fussed at night was for a bottle.
He knows I am beside him and if he cried I would pick him up. He sleeps from 10pm through til 6am every night.

If I had cuddled him to sleep for the first few nights I would have created that need in him to be cuddled to sleep. I have not trained him like a dog, I just have not created the need to be cuddled or feed to sleep

Don't get me wrong, I'm all over him like a rash in the day time but night time is sleeping time for us,cuddle and playtime is for the daylight x

pisces_cat

Not entering into the discussion on controlled crying and I'm sorry if I'm repeating other avice, haven't read the whole thread.

My advice would be to create a strong bedtime routine, finishing with a feed to get her to sleep, then rather than putting her down asleep very very gently wake her and then put her down, hopefully she will wake slightly but then just drop off again, over time wake her nmore so that eventually you are putting her down awake but she knows you are there and knows that it is time to go to sleep.

The bottom line is every baby is different and will respond differently, listen to any advice, try what you think sounds reasonable for you and your baby and ignore the rest but at the end of the day you will find what is best for you and your baby

Nicki

OP already reads a different forum on attachment parenting. She is well known to parents posting on the parents thread, and to some on the pregnancy thread, who know her views on parenting and are on the whole sympathetic to her, even if her views aren't the same as their own.

And yet, she starts a separate thread which is bound to elicit the suggestion that she try some form of controlled crying, then cries "cruelty" to those who've suggested it Would it be cynical to suggest that Skintchick just fancied stirring things up a bit when she posted this thread and was not genuinely looking for advice when she did, otherwise she would have known where to post to get advice more in line with her slightly unconventional views.

Can I send my thanks to the poster who described the misery of living with a child who cries constantly btw (too knackered to remember who that was). It's the luck of the draw whether you get one of these or not. Having had two children who were easy to settle, my third is crying all the time when not either asleep or feeding and is now 10 weeks old. I sometimes have to put him down, whether crying or not, just to go to the loo or to tend to the urgent needs of my other two kids, and don't think that's cruel just a reality of life, and something which will cause him no long term harm. Different children need different parenting approaches, and just because its possible to parent one child in the "never let them cry" manner, doesn't mean this is possible for all children, nor that parents who adopt a different approach are wrong or cruel. (Speaking as someone who has spent the last 10 weeks being approached by complete strangers in the street every time I live the home with "helpful" suggestions (aka criticisms) as to why the baby is crying and what I should do to soothe him, and ready to punch the next person who sticks their oar in :mad:) Can people not just parent their own children in the way they think best, not offer advice unless it is specifically asked for, and just quietly ignore any advice they don't agree with rather than denigrate those offering it in response to a request for views?

Edinburghlass_2

My baby is going to be 19 on Monday and the best piece of advice I was given by a neighbour was that whatever I do she won't remember it, and you know what he was right. My daughter remembers many things but not her first year

My advice to the OP would be to get sleep while you can and get off the internet and stop reading forums and books.

morocha

OP, i think it is fine you are doing what you think is right... you came here for advice, and people have given you advice.
You choose what to do, it is your daughter, but do consider what people here is saying... if you are there everytime she cries, you are making it very hard for yourself. Children and babies learn very quickly.
My little one is 2, she is not a dog, but i have trained her to be polite, well behaved and a nice little girl.

fawd1

Although I can understand why people think that controlled crying can be cruel, I just don't agree. i think it is just as cruel to not teach a baby to sleep on their own a this surely means that during the daytime they're shattered? I never read up on controlled crying but I probably did a similar thing, as I would put my (now nine month old) to sleep awake, shush him a bit and then leave the room. He would almost always cry for a bit (still does now actually) but hardly ever for more than a minute or two. I learnt very early on that if he stopped crying the second i went into the room then all he wanted was attention, which I wasn't willing to provide him at night unless he NEEDED it. If he still cried with me in there then I'd try and figure out what was wrong.Maybe I'm an awful mother but he's slept through the night from about 7 weeks old and he is the smiliest baby I know, so he doesn't seem to be holding a grudge. It also means he doesn't expect to have my attention all day which is a godsend given that I'm having another in six months!

emlou2009

i dont think CC is cruel, but i'm not a huge fan of it either, having tried it and it didnt really work for us. i definitely dont think it would scar a baby for life if their parents used it as a sleep training method though!
IME i've found it better to just put my LO in his cot to allow him to calm himself down when he is in a rage, as it allows me to calm myself down too. listening to him cry isnt nice, but its a whole lot more stressful if he's doing it right in my ear!

Ruby_Moon

csh wrote: »

My son goes down awake in a crib next to my bed and has done every night since I bought him home from hospital 8 weeks ago. He doesn't ever cry before going to sleep. Now that he is a wee bit older he has a dreamshow projector on the ceiling that he coos at until he goes over. The only time he cried or fussed at night was for a bottle.
He knows I am beside him and if he cried I would pick him up. He sleeps from 10pm through til 6am every night.

If I had cuddled him to sleep for the first few nights I would have created that need in him to be cuddled to sleep. I have not trained him like a dog, I just have not created the need to be cuddled or feed to sleep

Don't get me wrong, I'm all over him like a rash in the day time but night time is sleeping time for us,cuddle and playtime is for the daylight x

Exactly. Noone, I am sure, would ever call you "Cruel" would they?

JBD

Nicki wrote: »

Can I send my thanks to the poster who described the misery of living with a child who cries constantly btw (too knackered to remember who that was). It's the luck of the draw whether you get one of these or not. Having had two children who were easy to settle, my third is crying all the time when not either asleep or feeding and is now 10 weeks old. I sometimes have to put him down, whether crying or not, just to go to the loo or to tend to the urgent needs of my other two kids, and don't think that's cruel just a reality of life, and something which will cause him no long term harm. Different children need different parenting approaches, and just because its possible to parent one child in the "never let them cry" manner, doesn't mean this is possible for all children, nor that parents who adopt a different approach are wrong or cruel. (Speaking as someone who has spent the last 10 weeks being approached by complete strangers in the street every time I live the home with "helpful" suggestions (aka criticisms) as to why the baby is crying and what I should do to soothe him, and ready to punch the next person who sticks their oar in :mad:) Can people not just parent their own children in the way they think best, not offer advice unless it is specifically asked for, and just quietly ignore any advice they don't agree with rather than denigrate those offering it in response to a request for views?

Nicki, it was sad to read your post, hope you are OK? I don't think a lot of people understand how unsettled some babies are and how difficult it is to look after them.A friend of mine had a baby like this, he used to cry all the time, no matter what his Mum did. In the end she had to put him in another room and mentally tune out the sound of his crying. There was nothing wrong with him, according to the doctor he was just a 'miserable' baby.He is grown up now and has come to no harm whatsoever.
I agree, some of the comments on this thread have come across as rather judgemental. Personally I wouldn't read anything like this thread if my kids were still babies as they often turn to being a little bit personal and upsetting. As they are all older [1 of them grown up] I can stay detatched. Anyway, I just wanted to give you a little bit of support. I hope you manage to look after yourself a little as well as your children and just to say things will improve[hope this doesn't sound patronising, I'm sure people say this to you all the time too].