How do you put a baby to sleep on its own without crying?

RoxieW

Sami_Bee wrote: »

I'm not saying they shouldn't cry but when my children cry I am there for them. One poster said shut the door and don't go back in - something I personally couldn't and wouldn't do.
I except that they will cry, my eldest had colic and cried everyday for 3-5 hours :eek: but when he was crying OH or I were there with him so he felt safe and secure, I want my children to know when they're upset Mummy & Daddy will be there for them

Shutting the door and not going back in is not controlled crying.

RoxieW

skintchick wrote: »

It wasn't meant to be. But I did specifically ask how people did it without crying being involved, and people have chosen to ignore that and tell me to let her cry. So I've explained why I won;t do that, and my personal opinion on doing so.

I never used the word wicked. Yes, I said cruel, and I do believe that it is. I also understand that even advocates of CC say it shouldn;t be used with babies under 6 months, which Lilia is, and therefore it's not applicable anyway, even if I were to think it OK.

It seems to me that the real answer is that it can;t be done. That you either physically help your child go to sleep, by feeding them, holding them, or whatever, or you train your child to go to sleep by leaving them on their own to cry until they do so.

I have no interest in training my daughter - she is not a dog - and therefore I'll continue with what I'm doing. I'm pretty confident that a lot of this is her developmental stage (four months is pretty notorious from what I've read, and a tough time for feeding, sleeping and all sorts) and that she will therefore get through it in her own time.

I do appreciate most of the comments that have been made, although I've not thanked everyone because I can;t in all honesty thank some of the posts.

I'm sorry people chose to turn this into a CIO/CC debate. It wasn;t my intention but I wasn;t going to shy away from it either.

If anyone has interpreted my comments as labelling them as an individual then I'm sorry you've read it that way. I don;t know you. You don't know me. But I am entitled to an opinion on CIO just as you are entitled to an opinion on my gentler method of parenting (ROTFL at it being 'new age though!).

Thanks to everyone for contributing, and if you all want to continue the debate please feel free, but I won;t be geting involved as, while I'm happy to discuss and explain why I choose them, I don;t feel the need to justify my parenting decisions, which is what I feel people on here are wanting to do, and wanting me to do.

Now I treat my children like dogs because I've used controlled crying? :rolleyes: Deary me. Children NEED training. How else do you think they learn? To sleep, to feed themselves, to dress themselves, to use a potty or a toilet, to share, to behave well, to be educated, to be nice, kind well mannered individuals?? Children need guidance and boundries and it is our responsibility as parents to provide these. You can spot the ones at toddler group and school a mile off who dont get this from their parents as they are badly behaved and the parents dont discipline them. Probably think it traumatises their little angels and their free spirits should be allowed to what and when they please.

RoxieW

elektra-2007 wrote: »

I wish my neighbour would read this forum, i get woken atleast twice a night by her 15 month old screaming coz he goes to sleep downstairs with parents then gets put to bed about midnight, of course he wakes up disoriantated and screams the place down, her 5 year old also does it at least once a week, as his routine is the same. It her choice how she parents her kids, and im learning to sleep thru the kids screaming but then she starts screaming at them to shut up as she is also tired and that does wake me up fully!!!

Oh dear. Maybe it is my friend who lets who baby (ie 2 year old) sleep downstairs in the pushchair while she rocks it as she 'won't go to bed.' Won't! :rotfl:Baby then sleeps with mum when mum goes up to bed.

[Deleted User]

RoxieW wrote: »

Now I treat my children like dogs because I've used controlled crying? :rolleyes: Deary me. Children NEED training. How else do you think they learn? To sleep, to feed themselves, to dress themselves, to use a potty or a toilet, to share, to behave well, to be educated, to be nice, kind well mannered individuals?? Children need guidance and boundries and it is our responsibility as parents to provide these. You can spot the ones at toddler group and school a mile off who dont get this from their parents as they are badly behaved and the parents dont discipline them. Probably think it traumatises their little angels and their free spirits should be allowed to what and when they please.

You have hit the nail on the head. It is all about PARENTING and boundaries

Lunar_Eclipse

RoxieW wrote: »

You can spot the ones at toddler group and school a mile off who dont get this from their parents as they are badly behaved and the parents dont discipline them.

Yes I think that is the case, although I don't think it's necessarily linked to a lack of discipline. I have two friends whose parenting skills I am utterly in awe of. Their children are delightful in a normal sense, yet they are never shouted at for instance and with very little/no discipline (eg naughty step, toys taken away etc.)

I also see children who have very strict parents (there aren't many) who are usually the ones who cannot behave properly at school and when out with other adults/friends/family because they rebel against their controlled environment at home. Likewise for those who have no guidance at home.

I see my parenting role as closest to that of a guide. I wouldn't say I train my children, but try to lead by example. I don't want children who do everything I say or my way, because that shows no respect for them as individuals, doesn't inspire individual thought/independence and assumes that my way is best. Clearly that is not (always) the case. In case you think I'm utterly wacko, the Headmaster of my kids school thanked me for putting my girls in his care last week; they are bright, caring and incredibly well behaved (when they choose to be! ).

I also don't like controlled crying, having done it myself, but would say it works.

Moving to different paragraph to separate my general opinion on crying babies: I can't bear it. It physically gives me heartache. Babies cry, I accept that. However there are parents who apparently don't realise that's it's for a reason. A crying baby needs something sorting out and my job as a parent was to sort it out, not ignore it. Picking a baby/child up when they need reassurance or comfort is natural to me and it really irritates me when parents ignore their crying offspring, in supermarkets particularly. I just don't understand that (ignoring) parenting style at all, it makes me feel so incredibly sad for the baby/child.

But I'm not soft. I'm quite a hard, strong person.

thatgirlsam

mine have always been good sleepers ... both put down to sleep awake , although i would check every 15 mins or so until they were asleep , neither of them cried at bedtime because they didn't question the routine as they had known no different !

however dd was a very colicky baby and cried between 5-6pm EVERY evening until about 3 months old , holding her would make no difference .. i was sooo worn down by this .. i am happy to admit that i used to place her crying in her cot , lock my self in the bathroom and smoke out the window !!!!

bad, bad, mummy

it was that or chuck her out the window . (joke)

kids do need training im afraid .

watch the ones who don't get any !