How do you put a baby to sleep on its own without crying?

RoxieW

Sami_Bee wrote: »

Why can't you just accept that Skinty feels it is cruel?!
She is not saying that anyone is wrong for using CC just that it's not for her as in her opinion its cruel.
Your statement above is IMO frankly ridiculous, you teach children respect and morals etc as they grow up that is when they learn that they can't do whatever they like not when they are a few months old and have absolutely no understanding of the concept!
I'm sure there are just as many spoilt brats around who's parents used CC as those that didn't

I know the above is aimed at Ruby to just to say that I dont accept that it is cruel and take exception to anyone saying that I am cruel or 'horrid' to my children. Or likening a method that I use to an NSPCC advert. That is a horrible comparison and completely unjustified. If you understand controlled crying correctly then it is just that - controlled. You do go in and comfort your child, at controlled intervals - providing they have all their needs met and are comfortable and ready for sleep. It's not about letting a baby scream themselves to sleep.
When someone finds a magic solution for teaching a child to learn to get themselves to sleep without any crying then do let me know.

BeenieCat

I think jillie hit the nail on the head with the comment about babies getting overtired and crying for that reason. In that case there's nothing you can do but let them cry it out and fall asleep, unless you want to make life harder for everyone concerned.

hayleyc_2

BeenieCat wrote: »

I think jillie hit the nail on the head with the comment about babies getting overtired and crying for that reason. In that case there's nothing you can do but let them cry it out and fall asleep, unless you want to make life harder for everyone concerned.

I agree that sometimes they get over-tired but I disagree that you can't do anything. you can still help the baby calm down by holding him/her using movement and deep breathing. I haven't read every post, but just wanted to let the OP know that at 19weeks there is nothing wrong with meeting your baby's needs and being there to help her fall asleep. My DS is 2yrs old and we co-sleep. He has rarely cried for very long in the night because I was there for him, either for a cuddle or a feed. (obviously teething and illness excepted:))

Personally, if I were you I'd ignore the health visitor. There's no need for your baby to fall asleep independently yet if she's not ready. I disagree with the 'rod for your own back' statements. Giving your baby the attention she needs at this age is an investment in the future, with the hope of creating a more secure attachment and in turn a happier and more independent older child.

Hayley

Sami_Bee

RoxieW wrote: »

I know the above is aimed at Ruby to just to say that I dont accept that it is cruel and take exception to anyone saying that I am cruel or 'horrid' to my children. Or likening a method that I use to an NSPCC advert. That is a horrible comparison and completely unjustified. If you understand controlled crying correctly then it is just that - controlled. You do go in and comfort your child, at controlled intervals - providing they have all their needs met and are comfortable and ready for sleep. It's not about letting a baby scream themselves to sleep.
When someone finds a magic solution for teaching a child to learn to get themselves to sleep without any crying then do let me know.

I'm not saying they shouldn't cry but when my children cry I am there for them. One poster said shut the door and don't go back in - something I personally couldn't and wouldn't do.
I except that they will cry, my eldest had colic and cried everyday for 3-5 hours :eek: but when he was crying OH or I were there with him so he felt safe and secure, I want my children to know when they're upset Mummy & Daddy will be there for them

bylromarha

Ignore the HV. I've had several in the course of my kids lives, and never had a useful piece of advice yet, I'm sure good ones exist, I've just never met one.

Your baby will not settle themself without training at this age. If you feel it is inappropriate for you and yours to train into self sleeping at this age, then continue with what you're doing and revisit in a few months time.

Personally, I'd have gone mad doing what you're doing, but that's me and mine!

MadDogWoman_2

Hi Skinty,

All I want to say is if what you're doing feels right for you and your DD then it is right.

It took me a long time to trust my instincts, I have people in my life that totally disagree with the way I deal with my DD at night but it's my choice.

MDW

superflygal

RoxieW wrote: »

I know the above is aimed at Ruby to just to say that I dont accept that it is cruel and take exception to anyone saying that I am cruel or 'horrid' to my children. Or likening a method that I use to an NSPCC advert. That is a horrible comparison and completely unjustified. If you understand controlled crying correctly then it is just that - controlled. You do go in and comfort your child, at controlled intervals - providing they have all their needs met and are comfortable and ready for sleep. It's not about letting a baby scream themselves to sleep.
When someone finds a magic solution for teaching a child to learn to get themselves to sleep without any crying then do let me know.

I have to agree. I was about to reply to Skintchick with the routine of putting the child to sleep awake, and letting him/her grumble or cry a little for 5 minutes, before checking up on baby, then reassuring etc but as I read down I felt quite upset to read the notion that I am a wicked mum for doing exactly this. It would seem this is more a thread on personal parenting opinions/new age ideas than proper need for advice.

Good luck SC, I hope your methods work for you.

SFG x

skintchick

superflygal wrote: »

I have to agree. I was about to reply to Skintchick with the routine of putting the child to sleep awake, and letting him/her grumble or cry a little for 5 minutes, before checking up on baby, then reassuring etc but as I read down I felt quite upset to read the notion that I am a wicked mum for doing exactly this. It would seem this is more a thread on personal parenting opinions/new age ideas than proper need for advice.

Good luck SC, I hope your methods work for you.

SFG x

It wasn't meant to be. But I did specifically ask how people did it without crying being involved, and people have chosen to ignore that and tell me to let her cry. So I've explained why I won;t do that, and my personal opinion on doing so.

I never used the word wicked. Yes, I said cruel, and I do believe that it is. I also understand that even advocates of CC say it shouldn;t be used with babies under 6 months, which Lilia is, and therefore it's not applicable anyway, even if I were to think it OK.

It seems to me that the real answer is that it can;t be done. That you either physically help your child go to sleep, by feeding them, holding them, or whatever, or you train your child to go to sleep by leaving them on their own to cry until they do so.

I have no interest in training my daughter - she is not a dog - and therefore I'll continue with what I'm doing. I'm pretty confident that a lot of this is her developmental stage (four months is pretty notorious from what I've read, and a tough time for feeding, sleeping and all sorts) and that she will therefore get through it in her own time.

I do appreciate most of the comments that have been made, although I've not thanked everyone because I can;t in all honesty thank some of the posts.

I'm sorry people chose to turn this into a CIO/CC debate. It wasn;t my intention but I wasn;t going to shy away from it either.

If anyone has interpreted my comments as labelling them as an individual then I'm sorry you've read it that way. I don;t know you. You don't know me. But I am entitled to an opinion on CIO just as you are entitled to an opinion on my gentler method of parenting (ROTFL at it being 'new age though!).

Thanks to everyone for contributing, and if you all want to continue the debate please feel free, but I won;t be geting involved as, while I'm happy to discuss and explain why I choose them, I don;t feel the need to justify my parenting decisions, which is what I feel people on here are wanting to do, and wanting me to do.

M_A_R_I_E

Totally agree SFG.

Both my children were taught how to sleep using the controlled crying method. My son is four and has always gone to bed awake with a story and settles himself fine and sleeps through all night. My daughter is 13 months and has slept for a solid 13 hours a night since she was 10 weeks old. She goes to bed waving everyone goodbye each night and cuddles her teddy until she falls asleep on her own. I am a very loving parent and my children are brought up in a very loving environment.

Babies do not automatically know how to sleep independently - they have to be taught.

Good luck OP - you have asked for advice but do not appear to be willing to listen to any that does not fit in with your ideas. Maybe you will change your mind as your baby gets older.

M_A_R_I_E

Soory I posted mine at the same time as OP so did not read this before I wrote.