How do you put a baby to sleep on its own without crying?

Glamazon

skintchick wrote: »

I like to think that night work but usually once she is crying even picking her up doesn't work...

I have No Cry Sleep Solution and Baby Whisperer (and Gina Ford, actually, out of interest but with no intention of doing it) but may reread them and see what they say as she is older now and the ideas may be more applicable.

First of all Hi Skinty! :wave:

I got the Baby Whisperer and whilst I don't agree with everything she says I would recommend reading the chapters on EASY and Sleep. If you're not happy with the times that Lelia naps then you might need to keep her awake for a bit during the day.

Jack had been all over the shop but I got him into the EASY routine where he Eats, has Activity for a bit (even if it's just a bum change!) and then Sleep. He does this throughout the day even if the sleep is just for 20mins - he used to have a long nap between 4pm - 7pm and so was wide awake then til 10pm-11pm and was going to bed with us :rolleyes:

Yesterday, I kept him awake in the morning and yesterday and today he had his long nap after his 1pm feed and has been awake after 4pm feed.
he feeds every 3hrs from 7am til 7pm - with a dream feed at 10pm (when it works)

BW suggests popping baby down in cot at the right time so knowing the tired signs, and each time they cry, pick them up, cuddle, kiss til calm & then put them back down. My friend had to do this for 2hrs one night but her LO now settles himself. I lost patience after an hour - MUST TRY HARDER.
:rotfl:

bugsaboo wrote: »

Hiya Skintchick
100% respect that you don't want to do CC which is why I recommended a more relaxed version. There is also another one where you put them down awake then stay in the room in a chair next to the cot (don't pick them out of the cot when crying) and gradually move the chair aways from the cot and out of the room bit by bit night after night. This is gradual withdrawal method
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article1081480.ece

There is a bit about it in this article although it's at the end - ignore the controlled crying stuff at the top!

We have a problem with Jack settling at night so much so that I went back to the Moses Basket from the cot. When he goes to bed at the same time as us he will lie in MB content & I just go to sleep but I can't get him to go to sleep on his own from 8pm so am trying the following

MB downstairs with us & he can go to sleep
MB upstairs - stay in room til he drops off
MB upstairs - each time move further away

During the day, sometimes Jack will fall asleep in bouncer on his activity
mat, other times he needs me to go to sleep.

I'm not too bothered about the settling on his own because he does sleep thru now but I do need to get it sorted sooner rather than later :rolleyes:

Frith

I just had my sons in my bed with me then gave them a quick pat or tummy rub if they woke at night. They were both breast fed (don't know if it makes a difference) and the youngest slept from 12-7 after 6 weeks.

If she only gets upset when her music stops, have you considered putting the radio on?

skintchick

Valli wrote: »

It's your choice BUT it's not a NEED it's a WANT...
But if you come onto a public forum you will be given answers you don't like. So people have told you how to use cntrolled crying to teach them to go to sleep on their own -it's not neglecting/leaving - your baby your choice!

I used lullaby tapes BTW...if you use any sort of tape/mobile/ANYTHING to get them sleepy/keep them quiet then get a spare...just in case

I know, which is why I have thanked everyone, but the question did say 'without crying' so CC and CIO aren;t actually helpful answers. However, I appreciate people taking time to post.

skintchick

Glam - when you say keep him awake, do you mean not let him nap at all? Lilia sleeps for 30 mins four times a day, not at very regular times, but if I didn;t let her sleep she'd go mental!

jinky67

bugsaboo wrote: »

Hiya Skintchick
100% respect that you don't want to do CC which is why I recommended a more relaxed version. There is also another one where you put them down awake then stay in the room in a chair next to the cot (don't pick them out of the cot when crying) and gradually move the chair aways from the cot and out of the room bit by bit night after night. This is gradual withdrawal method
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article1081480.ece

There is a bit about it in this article although it's at the end - ignore the controlled crying stuff at the top!

I did that with DS, many moons ago:T

skintchick wrote: »

We don't talk to her when it is night - we whisper shhh and 'it's nighttime, go night nights' but nothing else unless she distraught in which case we will reassure her, but no playing.

TBH, you should NOT interact in any way with her when you go in, just rub her back or her hand till she dozes off again;)

Glamazon

skintchick wrote: »

Glam - when you say keep him awake, do you mean not let him nap at all? Lilia sleeps for 30 mins four times a day, not at very regular times, but if I didn;t let her sleep she'd go mental!

Jack usually wakes around 7am (if he wakes earlier I take his scratch mitts off [only one though cos his hands get cold] and let him suck his fist, I know he's not hungry just wants comfort and he rarely takes a dummy)
He sleeps from 8am-9.30am then awake before 10am bottle
Has 10am bottle and tends to stay awake until 1pm - if he does nap its usually for no more than 30mins

He was then having a 30min nap between 1pm and 4pm, 2hrs between 5pm and 7pm and then wide awake til 10pm

So having around 5.5hrs sleep a day - this does vary though.

but yesterday I kept him awake between 10am and 1pm so he was quite tired after 1pm feed, I put him to sleep on me at 2pm, popped him in his bouncer and he slept til 4pm.

Today he stayed awake on his own in the morning and naturally went to sleep around 2pm til 4pm (he was in such a deep sleep, I kept poking him!)

He's just had a bath, baby massage and a bottle and is in his MB in the darkness of the Dining Room talking VERY LOUDLY too himself! I'm just about to pop the Parent Unit of the monitor next to him and stream the lullabies so that when he moves upstairs he'll recoginse them instead of I'm A Celebrity theme tune!

fernliebee

Personally I didn't believe in controlled crying before babies are at least a year (as I believe by then they are old enough to understand what is expected ie that now is sleep time, even then I only believe it is OK if they have had a very routined bedtime for their first year as then they truly do know what is expected iyswim!)

I was lucky in that DD was a great sleeper, I used to feed her until she was basically asleep, lying down in my bed, then put her in the moses basket/ cot next to the bed (I found grobag good for the transition, though only found these when DD was about 5 months! lol!) If she was quiet I left her, she will soon let you know if she needs you! A quiet baby is a happy (or sleeping) baby!

If she woke then I would try quiet shushing, if she still grizzled I would place a hand on her back just still, if she still moaned I would pat her back rythmically, then if she was actually sad I would bring her in with me and give her milk. This worked for me, I didn't feel manipulated as she would wake if she was hungry so that was fine with me. When she was ill I would bring her in to my bed and just feed her all night until she was better, then go back to the normal routine once she was tip-top.

Her nightime routine was, constant milk all eve, bath, baby massage, PJ's, Story, Breast Milk, Bed. She loved the baby massage up until she was about 11 months and then got too wriggly for a full massage, though I try and do her feet or legs etc if I get a chance!

Once DD was older (over 1) and in her own room she would have odd nights of waking up or not wanting to settle, I would go in, leave light off, say "it's still night-time" Give her some water from a cup and a cuddle and tuck her back in. She would sometimes cry but I don't believe she has been traumatised by this. Sometimes she would just want to play at 4am, and I don't want to- simple. She always went back to sleep and would wake up absolutely fine. She is a very happy, independant, chatty little girl and she fully understands her night time routine. SOmetimes she just doesn't fully agree with it lol!

The only proper advice (that isn't purely anecdotal) Is to just trust that you are doing the best for you and for her. She will sleep fine eventually (though it doesn't seem like it at 4am) and you will soon forget about how hard this stage is (I'm now PG with no.2 so I must have forgotten lol!) Trust your instincts and remain calm. x

JoJoB

skintchick - with my LO I took off the side to her cot and pushed it against our bed, so she could sleep within an arms reach but still have her own sleeping space. When she stirred in the night just feeling my arm there would be enough sometimes to send her back to sleep

I agree with some about the "rod for your own back" - but actually, once I let go of all the ideas about who should be sleeping where and just did what was easiest for me at the time we all slept a lot better. It was much nicer to be next to each other than having to get up, go into another room at 3am, 4am, and 5am to pacify her when teething. I'll deal with the future when we get there - back then I had a little entity with no knowledge of anything and mum is the point of safety. Of course they want mum there all the time, must be terrifying to have her disappear in the dark!

My little madam is now 20 months and very independent, affectionate and cuddly but not clingy and whingey. Happy and confident. And still in our bed. But you know what, it's quite nice at the moment - we all wake up to a happy little girl and have a nice cuddle. She sleeps 10 hours straight unless there is teething etc, then she just scoots over to me for a snuggle.

I plan on moving her into her own bed when she can understand more and I can explain things to her. If it means a week of nightime tantrums I can deal with that better than baby cries! For now though we have discovered that the co-sleeping isn't as annoying as I thought it would be and for our LO is was the only thing that worked!

skintchick

THanks Fernlie, that is encouraging and helpful. We do have a routine so I will continue with that and see how we go.

Just went up to feed her (she woke, usually does after an hour of sleep) and she had kicked all her covers off. Lucky it is warm in our room!

Glamazon

Thinking about it I should have always put Jack down awake from birth & he would have learnt the easy way!

I always used to let him sleep with me in the night - sometimes on the sofa and sometimes in bed (yea I know how dangerous it can be) or I would pick him up as soon as he started grizzling.

Have learnt for next time!