How do you put a baby to sleep on its own without crying?

bugsaboo

Hiya Skintchick
100% respect that you don't want to do CC which is why I recommended a more relaxed version. There is also another one where you put them down awake then stay in the room in a chair next to the cot (don't pick them out of the cot when crying) and gradually move the chair aways from the cot and out of the room bit by bit night after night. This is gradual withdrawal method
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/families/article1081480.ece

There is a bit about it in this article although it's at the end - ignore the controlled crying stuff at the top!

bugsaboo

just seen your reply - I didn't let my daughter start crying but got in and tried to comfort buy rubbing, holding hands etc before she started crying but when it was obviously imminent!
Also TBH I had to get DH to do most of it so DD couldn't smell the milk as that made her worse (well that's my excuse for making hime get up at 3am anyway!)

skintchick

jinky67 wrote: »

Skinty, I know you say you are dead against it, but my ex OH would not let my DD cry herself to sleep and we had a hellish 3 years of her sleeping in our bed because he couldnt just put her down and leave her....anytime he went in, he spoke to her and picked her up:eek::mad::rolleyes: so she grew used to falling asleep with us there

Whereas my friend always put her 2 to bed awake and let them drift off on their own, only going in if they were really upset, they soon learn...her 2 have always slept through the night from a very early age and now they ask to go to bed at their natural bedtime and she doesnt hear a peep, so please dont discount it completely;):A

We don't talk to her when it is night - we whisper shhh and 'it's nighttime, go night nights' but nothing else unless she distraught in which case we will reassure her, but no playing.

please dont discount it completely

Sorry but I will It's cruel.

skintchick

I forgot to answer re teething and weaning. She is only 19 weeks so not ready for weaning yet. I am exclusively breastfeeding until 6 months and then will do baby-led weaning. I don;t think she is teething to be honest, it's not a pain cry (not now she is over her virus).

BeenieCat

I agree with KiKi completely, you may be making a rod for your own back here.

Some babies just like to hear their own voices, and that doesn't always mean happy gurgling. Any baby will prefer cuddles from their parent than lying in bed on their own, but unless you're prepared to hold her constantly you need to make them more comfortable in their own company, it doesn't mean they're lonely!

If she knows you're going to come and get her when she cries, then i can't see how the problem will go away.

My sister's DS is clingy, cos she's always picked him up everytime, now she's started back at work and has him in a nursery it's not a pleasant experience for anyone involved as he feels he needs HER all the time and nobody else will do.

I do look forward to seeing how you manage this though, because i do respect that you have your wishes!

candygirl

jinky67 wrote: »

Skinty, I know you say you are dead against it, but my ex OH would not let my DD cry herself to sleep and we had a hellish 3 years of her sleeping in our bed because he couldnt just put her down and leave her....anytime he went in, he spoke to her and picked her up:eek::mad::rolleyes: so she grew used to falling asleep with us there

Whereas my friend always put her 2 to bed awake and let them drift off on their own, only going in if they were really upset, they soon learn...her 2 have always slept through the night from a very early age and now they ask to go to bed at their natural bedtime and she doesnt hear a peep, so please dont discount it completely;):A

I did this with DD many moons ago, as I believe they need to be able to self soothe.DGD is following a similar regime, but obviously if she is distressed we wont leave her to cry.She lets us know when she's tired by making motorbike noises :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

skintchick

Beenie - I believe there will come a point when she simply doesn't need me for sleep any more. In the same way she won;t need me to feed her, or to change her nappy.

I know plenty of women online on another forum (for people who practice attachment parenting) who have not allowed their babies to cry and their children aren;t clingy. If you do attachment parenting properly it creates very self-sufficient, happy children.

Not saying other ways of parenting can;t do that too of course!

Seems odd to me that we decide we have to leave our babies to go to sleep in distress rather than meet what is a very basic need.

I will update in a few months maybe and let you know how we are doing - we also co-sleep so I know people will probably say stop doing that!

He he, should I also mention I still do about 4 night feeds, and a total of 12-13 feeds in 24 hours?

KiKi

skintchick wrote: »

She is 19 weeks. I absolutely WILL NOT do controlled crying. I firmyl believe that it is cruel, and that it damages their development in terms of emotions.

skintchick wrote: »

Sorry but I will It's cruel.

Hi skintchick

You should, of course, raise your daughter in a way that works for you and her, absolutely, and if you are not prepared to do CC then I respect that.

All I'd add is that for children who always have mummy there when they cry (particularly when that crying is about attention and not about distress) there are other consequences which can be a lot more disruptive and emotionally traumatic than CC might be! Just be aware of that, that's all.

I'm sure there are parents who have done really well at their children just 'simply not needing them' when it comes to sleep at some point. Equally, I know plenty of parents whose 3 and 4 year olds still won't go to bed without mummy staying until they fall asleep! I don't think any method is 'right', but i do know that at some point mummy and daddy have to determine the parameters, not baby!

Best of luck, though, I hope you manage to find something that works for you and bubs!


KiKi

Valli

skintchick wrote: »

She is 19 weeks. I absolutely WILL NOT do controlled crying. I firmly believe that it is cruel, and that it damages their development in terms of emotions. I don;t care how many of you it has worked for, of course it will, because they baby will eventually give up and think it is on its own and no-one cares, but I do not want my daughter thinking that. I also do not believe that a four-month-old baby is manipulating me. Yes, she knows what she wants - me - and would like to get it, but that is not manipulation, that is a need. I am happy to meet that need, hence the desire for no crying. If she needs me, she gets me, simple as that.



Thanks for taking the time to comment, all the same.

It's your choice BUT it's not a NEED it's a WANT...
But if you come onto a public forum you will be given answers you don't like. So people have told you how to use controlled crying to teach them to go to sleep on their own -it's not neglecting/leaving - but it's your baby so what you do is your choice!
Leaving them to cry for hours and never going in is neglecting.
Same as feeding though - some women breastfeed, some don't - in THIS country it really doesn't matter (IMHO) but I speak as a mother who, having given birth (to a bouncing healthy boy over 9lbs) by section (after a harrowing long and unproductive time TBH) was asked, by a pregnant mother at a midwife's class, whether I thought I deserved to have a healthy baby, not having given birth naturally.
I ask you!:rolleyes: (the midwife had invited me to go to discuss my experiences BF with the mums-to-be)

I used lullaby tapes BTW...if you use any sort of tape/mobile/ANYTHING to get them sleepy/keep them quiet then get a spare...just in case

skintchick

li'l_p wrote: »

Crikey - I thought I was the only one. Our 5 month old has taken to waking up at 3.45am for the past two nights and she stays awake for 1.5 hours. It's so draining as she is literally wide awake as if its the daytime and we have been used to her sleeping right through to 7/7.30am for the past few weeks.

She isn't too bad at settling though as we tend to settle her in her 'rocking' chair and we carry her, in that, to her bedroom. At 11pm I usually go in and feed & change her, and she goes into her sleeping bag and is put into her cot, where she was sleeping until 7ish in the morning.

I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone!

A few things I will suggest: I would highly recommend the sleeping bag thing, stops them kicking the covers off and being cold. Make sure the room is warm/heated up before you put her to bed. We have a rolled up blanket on either side of her - like two bolsters. I saw this ages ago on baby whisperer programme and it makes them feel 'secure' in the cot. Another thing is to make sure that the lights/sounds are dimmed as much as possible, make sure you are completely winding her down in the hour before bed (...says me who can hear OH entertaining our daughter in the other room - sorry, we're trying to keep her going a bit tonight in the hope that she will sleep through!).

Good luck!

Yes, I know deep down that it is probably a developmental stage and that in a few weeks it will have passed no matter what I do, but I guess we are designed to worry and hope we are doing the right thing. If I hadn;t said anything to the HV then I wouldn;t be worrying at all!

She sleeps between us so no need for bolsters but I might pop he rin a light sleeping bag as she does kick the covers off (we use a sheet and light bedspread).