DH wants to go to an Ex girlfriends funeral......

xxdeebeexx

One of my husbands ex girlfriends has sadly died from cancer. They haven't seen each other or spoken in nearly 25 years as their lives took different directions and they drifted appart.

However , my husband is very keen to go to her funeral and I don't know what to think!

If he went, it would be a 4 hour drive in each direction and he would take 2 days off work.

He only gets paid for when he works so, it would mean our family having to manage on less money for next week,plus the petrol costs.

I can't understand why he feels the need to go. I can't talk to him about it at the moment as I'm not sure what I really feel about it...

I would be interested in your comments/ thoughts

Dx

belfastgirl23

if he feels he should go then you should support him - the death of someone of your own generation can hit you hard and if this is what he needs to do then he should do it.

I know why you feel uncomfortable though but it isn't what you think

puddy

sort of closure i suppose, she's dead, you dont need to compete with her, i understand how you feel, especially about the money issue but i would support him

littlemissmoney

Of course he should go if he wants to! I don't think you should mention your feelings about it (sorry!).

mountainofdebt

You need to ask him why - not in an arguementative sort of way but I'm curious why you want to go sort of way.

How did he know she had died?

987654

If it was 'just' a school friend from 25 years ago who he no longer had contact with, how would you feel?

Personally I would support my partner if he wanted to go. I have put myself in the same situation & I could see that I would want to go if an ex died.

I can see the point about losing pay, is there no way he could drive there after work one day to reduce cost? Would train travel be cheaper?

hieveryone

How long did they go out for? Was she his 'first love'? Did they grow up together (i.e in school etc).

There are lots of factors that I think could affect this decision and others opinions here...

becs

He should absoloutely go and should not know your reservations about him going. Whilst I understand it will be harder for you financially there are some things in life that are more important than money. Presumably this woman meant a lot to him at one stage in his distant past and he needs to show that. Just because he wants to go does not mean that there is anything to read into the situation. I think as others say when someone close or that you have been close to of your own age dies it throws up a whole lot of random unexplainable emotions. Just support him and let him express those emotions to you when he is ready.

mum2one

I guess its hard for you, as he hasn't seen her for 25years, but on the other hand they were close at one time, for whatever reason they split up its water under the bridge.
Sometimes when something happens to someone who you were close to in times previous, and someone of your own age group, it can knock you sideways, maybe he feels that he owes his respects.

I guess the money may be an issue, but can you sit down and explain it to him, hopefully you can back up his decision, or at least support him over it, and look at ways of redeeming the money that has been lost.

I guess its hard for you, but remember that its you he married. x

whitewing

I would probably travel down to support my DH but wouldn't actually go to the funeral myself. I'd also 'play it by ear' on going to any function afterwards with him, but would give him the space to go.

Wrt to unpaid days off work, I can understand your concern but unfortunately that's the problem when these things hit out of the blue. So I'd accept that as something he actually had no control over. (If it were a male that he'd gone to school with but always spoke fondly of, you'd probably be less peeved?)

jackieb

If it was local I wouldn't have a problem. My husband has been away working when both my grandparents, and his own aunt died, but didn't come home for the funerals. Our families understood. If it was closer family he would've got time off.