Daughter pregnant, advise on how to handle her dad

viktory

I concur with ONW. I really get the feeling that this is very much about what the OP wants - and not is what necessarily is best for her daughter or the child she is carrying. Of course the OP will deny this - but regardless I would ask that she thinks very long and hard about her motives in all this. Just how desperate are you for grandchildren?

dramaqueen1973

carlsberggal wrote: »

She says she wants to start again in 2011 to a uni near to us so she can stay at home. She has spoken at length to uni. We are going back down there next week so she can discuss with her tutor some more. As Lunar Eclipse says, it's not the end of her life, just a different path for now with the option after the baby is born to get back to studying to become the teacher she wants to be.

Hey

I was a young Mum (21), thought my parents would kill me! But they were great. I had Just started a great career then along come a litle surprise! He is now 14 years and the best thing along with his brother who came along 14 months after he was born:eek: yes yes i know it was quick!

Al I can say is now i have a wondeful career and I have the best relationship with my boys, we grew up together.

Some things are meant to be and you have to go with whatever she wants.

Hope things work out for all of you

xx

carlsberggal

dramaqueen1973 - that's just what I WANT for my beautiful daughter, thank you for posting. Will love the baby and her all the same and be there for both of them. Thank you

dramaqueen1973

You sound like you will be the perfect support and its a shame that there are not more people like you around!

Unfortunately you will always get people who will judge you, but as soon as I read your post I could tell you only want whats right and Im sure that you will have a very happy bundle of joy edition to your family.

I could not have got through it without the support of my parents but i did and just because you have a baby at a young age does not make anyone a failure in fact it made me a stronger and more determinded person.

I wish you and your family luck and I look forward to hearing about all the updates on here:smileyhea

Fire_Fox

If your daughter drops out of this year, I am pretty sure she will not get student finance to repeat the first year - including tuition fees. She may also have to pay back any grant or loan she has already received this academic year even if it has long been spent! The financial implications need looking into carefully, as it might preclude her from returning. She *may* be able to leave on health grounds or complete the year but fail with mitigating circumstances, and be given an additional year of student finance should she choose to return to university.

Kavanne

Fire_Fox wrote: »

If your daughter drops out of this year, I am pretty sure she will not get student finance to repeat the first year - including tuition fees. She may also have to pay back any grant or loan she has already received this academic year even if it has long been spent! The financial implications need looking into carefully, as it might preclude her from returning. She *may* be able to leave on health grounds or complete the year but fail with mitigating circumstances, and be given an additional year of student finance should she choose to return to university.

I believe you can get student finance for one extra year of your course so it should be possible.

This should be discussed with her tutor though

tiamai_d

When is she actually due? Exams are in May/June so unless it is before that she doesn't have to drop out. I managed last year (due in August) to finish my course while pregnant (very high risk pregnancy) and look after my older 2 children (well, nursery and after school club but you get my drift). It is hard but possible and it's a lot easier than repeating later on. My tutors were more than happy to give me time off when needed and help me keep up with the work if I was putting the effort in. I just sat in the chair closest to the door, avoided the smelly guy and told my tutors not to ask me a question before 11am :rolleyes:

I would not expect anyone to help out with the baby, it will be your daughters baby and I am in the school of the parent raising the baby not the grandparents. I've seen too many of my own friends relying too much on their own parents because they have not been left alone enough to learn how to be a parent to their own child.

ETA, if she were to miss an exam for any reason relating to the pregnancy (she was in hospital for example) then they will let her re-sit (I asked about this) and they make allowances for you if you need to go to the loo or just need fresh air, someone will accompany you ofcourse, or you can even ask to sit the exam in a private room if you would be uncomfortable in with others.

carlsberggal

tiamai -she is due end of may beginning of june, waiting for scan date. Good for you that you have done what you have done without help. My DD is different she will need all the help she can can get and we will give her that. It may different but not what she is saying at the moment, she says she needs mega help and of course we will give it to her

tiamai_d

Aw bless her. Sounds like a knee jerk reaction. She will manage fine once she gets her head round the idea.

Kellylea

I fell pregnant with my baby boy when I was 20 and my mom was there for me from the very start though my dad didn't want anything to do with it at all. It was very upsetting but the extra support from my mom made up for that. My dad showed no interest in my pregnancy and I bareley saw him the whole time, i moved out of his house into my own privately rented flat at 3 months pregnant. (I had lived with my dad since I was 17).

As soon as my baby was born my dad came to the hospital and was full of so much pride and has loved his grandson to absolutle pieces ever since. HOWEVER he will not baby sit he says he has done that already and it's my turn. But I have my mom and my OH's mom and dad and really don't need him to baby sit anyway.

So as long as you support her as much as you can that's all she needs! Anything dad gives on top of that (ie babysitting time) will just take the pressure off that little bit more.

I can tell from your posts how much you adore your daughter and you can tell of course that her dad does too. Ignore the unhelpfull comments about wether or not this thread is about your feelings and wants.

As for education, when I was 18 I wanted to be a student nurse, hated it and quit at the end of my first year, worked in banking till I fell pregnant when I was made redundant. Since having my little boy I'm now a part time chef, my other half has gotten a promotion which he worked very hard for and we have a very happy life. In my eye's my life has worked out best by putting the baby first and deciding what I want to do afterwards. When my baby boy goes to school I will be studying for my english literature degree to get on the road to publishing. If she feels leaving uni is the right thing to do it is.

x x x