finding friends

gundo

wannabe wrote:

I think men do need friends as well but they also don't seem to mind as much, or like you said pride get in the way of them admitting it. If there are men on this link I would love to know how you feel especially as you can be honest when you are writing.

We do mind (well I do at any rate!).

See my earlier post in this thread.

wannabe wrote:

I also think it is easier for a man to go into a pub by himself no one would really bat an eye but if I did it I would feel so self conscious and worry what people might say ( am I paranoid??) Also guys can go out together and sit in silence at a bar but girls wouldn't do that.

What strange ideas you have about us blokes.

I couldn't think of anything more depressing than wandering into a bar where I don't know anyone and sit there nursing a drink with a virtual "Please talk to me" sign on my forehead Especially some of the pubs round the bit of Soton I live in. 8-O

As for sitting in silence with a group of other men well that's not much fun either.

I've never liked pubs much anyway but now that I don't drink (for health reasons) it holds even less attraction.

I'd like to have mates that I can chew the fat with about trivial and more important non-trivial stuff but it's hard and I think you're right when you say pride prevents us but also some chaps just can't cope with other people's emotions. Years ago when I told some good mates (well I thought they were good mates) that I was upset about my now late Dad being diagnosed with Alzheimer's they just made a joke of it and wouldn't discuss it all and went back to ogling the barmaid or talking about cars/football etc. Not terribly satisfactory for me. I do have one very good friend but he lives in Thailand now.

I sincerely wish every lonely person here the best of luck finding good friends to be with.

wannabe

I am so very sorry I did not want to offend anyone especially as I might bump into you in Southampton!!
It is really good to hear an honest opinion from a man I have asked (indirectly I know)
I should have said that in my experience it seems easier for a man but it is like everything people generalise and there are exceptions to the kind of rule.
I am truly sorry that your friends could not be there for you when you needed them, emotions scare the hell out of some people, men and women. That is how I lost many of my friends. 2/3yrs ago my heart basically stopped for no apparent reason and at 26ish that was frightening but it also took them over a year to diagnose me, during that time I could not even climb the stairs so friends found me understandably boring. I would have loved to talk trivia etc as my brain was fine just my body had conked out!
Whoever said silence was golden? It should be silence is okish now and again!
Friends are there for when you need help, when you need help you find out who your friends are!

Enough this is sounding too depressing - I must put on a take that tune (all your fault mushypeas) and dance around for a bit, then hope England win
Sorry again
Take care all

coraastbury

Hi Everyone. I have been lurking around reading all your wonderful posts. I am 29 and am currently feeling so lonely. My husband and I have been together for 14 years and married for 6 and have 2 wonderful children, but we are currently going through a really rocky patch in our marriage.

My only friend is my husbands best friends wife and we have just had a huge row and are not friends anymore (basically I suspect that my husband and she are having an affair..... even my mother in law agrees with me!)

I have been receiving no emotional support (cuddles, caring etc) from my husband for the past 6-9 months (the time that I think the affair started) as he has been giving this support to my friend as she and her husband split up then.

It all came to a head the other day and we all had a huge row. My husband says that nothing is going on and that he has just been supporting a good friend (going round to see her every other night to make sure she is ok and spending hours there). She even came away with us in our caravan the last 3 bank holidays (husband stated that she is very lonely and going through a rough time and needed our support). Whilst away the last time I was very tired and went to bed early, I woke up the next morning to find both of them in her bed together.... They stated that they had had too much to drink and just crashed out and nothing happened.

My husband says that he doesn't even fancy her and still fancies me and loves me and that nothing is going on. I do sort of believe him and think she is making a play for him. I have told him he is not to speak to her for the next week to give me time to get my head round it, which up to now (two days) he hasn't (either that or he has deleted all trace off his mobile).

I feel so lonely at the moment and am even considering like wannabe going to classifieds etc.

Sorry about the long post, I just needed to get it off my chest.

Cora

zombiecazz

Oh poor you Cora.
Big:grouphug:

Not sure what advice I can give. If your hubby completely denies it then make sure he understands that his behaviour has made you feel very vunerable and unhappy. He maybe completely innocent and not notice that she's making a play for him. Some men do miss these signals especially when they've been in a long relationship.

The pair of you need to spend some couple time without your "friend", so that you can get on an even keel. Talk about it lay feeling on the line, it's so worth your marriage.

Plus if it's all innocent then tell your husband it is not in your friends best interest to hook onto your husband as her sole support, he has other responsibilites.

coraastbury

Thanks zombiecazz, I have told him how lonely I have been feeling and that we never get any family time as also every weekend she is round with her two children and always ends up staying the night.

Hopefully we can work it out and I need to go "shopping" for a new friend!!!!

Sorry for the long post previously just needed to say it outlound... IYKWIM.

Cora

ukbadger_2

Hi everyone thought I would check in and let you know what I have done to combat the big L (loneliness) ....

Had lunch and shopped with friend on Saturday and then went back to hers for a M&S chinese and far too much rose wine :beer: Talked about how I feel and she told me that she feels the same sometimes as her OH works shifts - I was friends first with her OH before they got together (we all used to work together) and she reminded me how much they both love my company and that we should do more stuff together. She suggested meeting to go out for a jog next week but I am not sure I could keep up or chat with her while huffing and puffing !

Sunday I spent at home on my own but no big deal , sorted out some cupboards and went around to see brother and his family for an hour or so. Happy mood only disrupted by call from ex saying he missed me - didn't respond and he rang off quite quickly !

To try and make new friends I have contacted a girl via Gumtree and we have emailed a couple of times , going to meet for coffee next weekend.

I was going to have a weeks holiday next week - looked at a solosholiday which I was dead excited about and then my boss said I couldn't have the time off as I am working my notice :mad: Have decided to book with them for a leisure weekend in Blackpool in July - anyone else fancy coming ?

I'm feeling ok really - looking forwards not backwards and as Dora says whenever I have a bit of a low point I just remember the number of times ex let me down - disappearing to get drunk when I was in hospital losing our baby is a good one to refocus the grey matter.

Zombiecazz - I'm so sorry to hear about the rabbit , I have had loads of rabbits and guinea pigs over the years and it always hurts when they pass so a big hug to you xx

Wannabe - I know where you are coming from with the illness thing - I was seriously ill a couple of years ago - Crohn's surgery failed quite spectacularly - and some of the 'friends' I had then never even got in touch afterwards to see if I was alive or dead.

Mushypeas - hope you enjoy TT - I saw them on the first night of the tour in Newcastle and they were amazing , I just couldn't believe how the audience responded to them.

Cora - not sure what I can add , seems like OH is more concerned about the friend than his own wife but it's your decision to make as to wether yoy believe him.

Whatamess - have you lost the plot , paddling before work ????
Only joking sounds very invigorating xx Know what you mean about ex being antisocial, he was quite happy sitting here night after night and he has held me back massively from finding a life of my own up here.

Best finish now - this is huge

Love to you all Hx

coraastbury

Thanks for your reply ukbadger. I feel that I should believe him but I have a niggling feeling about it. Gonna give it a bit more time- he has been good not contacting her for 3 days now after I asked him. He is supposed to go to her house in the morning as she is our childminder to take our daughter, but I will do that for this week.

I think it is the fact that he has neglected me for the past few months that is really getting to me.

Is anyone around here from the warrington/manchester/liverpool area????

Cora

MushyPeas

Evening all

Just been good and went out for a meal with my friend and other half, but now come back to an empty flat I think the Panorama programme I saw this week has got to me. Anyone else seen it? All about how women are leaving it too late to have children...tick, tock, goes my biological clock.

Cora - good luck with your husband. I hope with all my heart that he isn't messing you around. If the woman is a good friend she should do the decent thing and give you both some space. He needs to remind you how wonderful you are, as I'm sure you are lovely and deserve to be cared for.

Badger - inspirational, well done on getting yourself together! I might consider Blackpool, but only at the end of July. I live in the South West and it is v.v.v. far away! I'm cleverly booking weekends so I'm not at home on my ownsome. Could you come to the Southampton meet-up?

Take care of yourself, you are all :A

MPx

ukbadger_2

Hi mushy !

I am debating about the southampton meet - it's a bit far from me (sunderland) but I have some friends near Heathrow who I haven't seen for a while (used to live in Slough). Possibly I could stay with them on the Friday and drive down to meet you guys on the Saturday ... I start my new job on the monday but it would be really nice to have a weekend away.

Know what you mean about weekends - they're the worst for me so I too am trying to schedule ahead and fill at least part of them in. This weekend I thought I would clean my carpets pre lunch with friend but managed to shrink lounge one by 2 inches - still good excuse for some nice wooden flooring .

Off to my parents up in Northumberland this weekend - Brother , Sis in Law and the two terrors are going and we're going to have a bbq , usually this would fill me with feelings of inadequacies (sp) going 'home alone' so to speak but it'll be good - any anyway my ex and Brother fell out a long while back so if I was still with him I'd be going alone anyway or not at all due to sulking and general ' you care more about them than poor old me attitude'.

The Panaroma thing got to me too - I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome in the late 90's , tried to get pregnant with my then fiance and couldn't , saw a consultant at St Barts lost a load of weight (10 stone :eek: ) and since then I have been pregnant three times with no success. I'd really like kids but if it happens it happens is my attitude now - and I deffo didn't want to try again with my ex.

Today's 'being single is great' thought is ..... Hurrah don't have to watch every match of the world cup. Have got the big match on but it's just background noise really :T

whatamess_2

Hey all have so much to say will do it in two posts:rotfl:
Wannabe, bellydancing:eek: I may be thin but the belly has got a wobble with out the dance.:rotfl: Seriously sounds like great fun and a starting point for making friends.:D

Zombiecazz, love the smell of bay what a lovely reminder, your oh sounds like a star letting you lie in. !3 year olds what a nightmare.

Mushypeas, Thanks for the hugs, primark had loads of stuff but contained myself and only bought 1 tshirt(2.50), and flip flops (3.00) the flip flops hurt like bl***y hell though.:rotfl:
Ex oh working with you:eek: oh dear get that application sent off.
Know what you mean about the line manager thing some days I do more work that is hers. I am her deputy.
Messy