do you miss relatives you arent speaking to at Xmas

ailuro2

red_devil wrote: »

Does anyone have any family they wont be seeing as they have fallen out arent speaking? Will you miss them or not? Will they miss you?

I don't talk to my family anymore, and I don't miss them. I'm happier than I've ever been with my DH and DD.
DH's mother doesn't talk to us anymore either, barred from her house for still being friendly with a family member she had fallen out with...

It's a true saying you can choose your friends but not your relatives.

I do feel sad for my DD that she isn't in the middle of a large,loving,extended family. But the family we do see are wonderful, warm and caring people.:A

The family I don't see were emotionally draining and it was always an effort to not disturb the peace with them, or trying not to say the wrong thing. I don't miss that at all.

I wish it could be different, when I see three generations of girls/women out shopping together, it reminds me my DD is missing out on little things like that - but I realise it's the luck of the draw, and the only thing I can do to change it is make it better for my DD, and hopefully when she is older and has kids she can be part of a bigger family with warm,loving grandparents.:D

red_devil

good post!

I think even when you dont talk to them though its never goes away. Suddenly you will see one of them in town or they will drive past or something or someone will mention them in conversation. Its never out of your hair for good!

i agree its luck of the draw and i think families are really hard to please and manage.

LameWolf

screamer wrote: »

I know what you mean. What I didn't make clear was that my sister, my brother and I were adopted in our teens due to me being a victim of abuse. I've recently had to send messages to my natural mother to ask her evil kids to leave me alone.

Not one member of my natural family know where I live and I intend to keep it that way. Real father is in prison right now serving yet another jail sentence for abusing kids. I wasn't his first victim and I wasn't his last apparently! It's a shame the justice system in this country is so messed up, in many other countries he'd either be locked up for life or put to death (I know which one I'd prefer)

My heart goes out to you hun, the pain never leaves you does it? PM me if things get bad for you! xx

I'm a great believer in "friends are the family you choose for yourself". You're right, you never completely recover. I'm lucky to have a lovely husband now, and that makes it a lot easier.

System

Won't be seeing dad or any of that side of the family. Which is how its been for the last 3 years so i don't really care. It was an inconvenience to him even when we did speak.

Will be happy with mum+stepdad, 2 sisters, brother and my somewhat insane great aunt. My family might not be that big but its the people who matter not how many of them there are,

saffiedale_2

3KIDSNOMONEY wrote: »

i get sad when i hear of other families getting together and having a lovely christmas and the kids being surrounded by family and know that it isn't going to be like that for us.:o

me 2. big hugs.xx:o

nearlyrich

I don't have any family I don't speak to, we invite everyone here, if they want to come they do if they don't no problem. I will be missing several people but not because we have fallen out sadly they are no longer with us.

I hope everyone has a good time whoever they spend it with...

Paparika

Update.

Sunday went to church for my granddad's birthday celebration.

everyone was so kind, and gave me hugs (but they are huggy people)

(when i left home at 17, that side of the family kinda turned against me now 39)
one gave me her address, her sister said she is about to move into the next street along, bumped into a cousin i got on well with, although he is a famous footballer..he gave me a big hug, and dived straight in to asking my son if he liked football, son doesn't so that conversation kinda died off lol. it was good to see everyone, but the whole event was to gather for gramps, my aunt said it takes a big thing like this to get the family together.

I made sure they all knew where i could be contacted if they wanted.

But it felt good to see my gramps, and to see family members again, some very ill and probably won't be around for much longer..

I guess they turned against me (it felt like that) because i left home in bad circumstances and i don't live in the area any more. But they know that some point in the future i will be returning, although nan tried to stir it again by twisting things i said, and when mum asked me why my son doesn't like French, i gave her a look of you know that's rubbish and guess who started it.

But contact has been made, and I'll be sending Christmas cards, they know where to send mine if they want to.

nuttywoman

nuttywoman wrote: »

My son`s g/f decided as soon as they moved in together that she`ll have nothing more to do with us, despite her always staying here when son was still at home.I`ve recenly found out she`s blocked me on FB, and they recently moved into another place but we`ve not been invited.
My son is in the middle of it all, & when he comes to visit we never call her cos its not fair.
The problem is Christmas presents, Do we buy them for her as normal or what?

Update from me.
Saturday night son & his GIRLFRIEND turned up at our house :T could have knocked me down with a feather !! its the 1st time she`s been in 12 months. They only stayed about 5 mins but its a start

Morglin

God, aren't some relatives hard work?:eek::rolleyes:

Good job we can at least choose our friends lol

Lin

choille

Some very sad stories.

Some families are very dysfunctional & having no contact can be for the best, but Christmas is a time of reflection. The media is filled with 'happy families'. Sometimes people who are estranged feel sadder at this time, lonelier than they would normally. It's normal to have a review over the past & reflect on all that has happened.
Some people just cannot have a relationship & Christmas is a stressful time for hordes of people.

To all you who have been cut off from birth family members, or have cut off members of your birth family - for whatever reason & are feeling a little low, rememeber that you have around you now people who you choose to be around you. And as many say, Thank God ( use whatever word you wish instead of God )you can pick your friends, can make a family of your own choosing.

All the best to all for a peaceful Christmas.