Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

Blonde_Bint

Yes Yes Yes

PlayingHardball

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

Well guys would you believe that I now have fairly good reason to think he is working in the UK again at this moment.

If he is, and I know the address should I contact the CSA?

Yes, I would certainly not even hesitate. This is good news for you!

Aphroditesgirdle

Actually, last week I received an email from him where he has given his views on the matter for the first time (he has NEVER said a word to me about her before).

His view is that because it was my contraception that failed, it is my fault I got pregnant. He says I make him feel bad and that the baby has made his life 'wrong'. Odd, considering he has never met her or contributed a penny towards her!

I have to admit that I was upset by this because when I was with him he had a way of behaving unreasonably and then making me feel that actually it was my fault.

Anyway I will give updates as to whether I am likely to get anywhere with any child support for my daughter.

RedSky

We live in a delicate society which bombards us with Human Rights, Animal Rights and Equality (religion, race, sex, age) yet when two people make a baby only the mother has the choice of termination, adoption or other.

The same society believes in traditional values that children should have both a relationship with its mother and father. I'm not debating the circumstances of whether the child is planned, an accident or a mistake (or whether termination should be an option) but it seems that the law is of the opinion that both parents should take responsibility for raising their child.

So if we don't treat men/women equally and give them both the same choices then how is that going to encourage fathers to be responsible? If you force them into a corner, of course they will run.

Aphroditesgirdle

The mother has the choice because the mother has to carry the pregnancy, give birth and parent the child in the absence of the father OR make a decision to abort which will have psychological effects for some women and health implications too - which I have explained earlier in the thread, OR make the decision to give the child away which is equally distressing.

It's a nonsense to say that fathers should have an equal choice in order to make them more responsible. It is simply an unworkable proposition, in my opinion.

Loopy_Girl

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

His view is that because it was my contraception that failed, it is my fault I got pregnant. He says I make him feel bad and that the baby has made his life 'wrong'.

Ooooh, I got that exact line as well!!! I was on the Pill and yes, I got pregnant on it...Jeremy Kyle, eat your heart out!!!;) I also got the 'jump off a cliff' and 'life not worth living' when I told him I was proceeding woth pregnancy (which wasn't a snap decision and I took 10 days to decide).

It's all emotional blackmail. Ignore him, concentrate on your daughter and get your CS claim in. Whether she was expected/planned or whatever, she is here now and he has an obligation to support her since it's half his flesh and blood in her body.

Chin up:grouphug: (god I love that pervy hug!!)

RedSky

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

OR make the decision to give the child away which is equally distressing..

And making someone a father against their will is not distressing?

It is easier to sympathise with the father who was prevented from being a parent rather than the father who didn't want to be a parent.

Aphroditesgirdle

RedSky wrote: »

And making someone a father against their will is not distressing?

It is easier to sympathise with the father who was prevented from being a parent rather than the father who didn't want to be a parent.

I'm not saying there are not issues that the father (who didn't plan to be) will also have to deal with or that they are not distressing for that person. But don't you see that they are necessarily secondary to, and are superseded by the rights of the mother for the reasons I give above?

And in my case I don't quite see how the man in question is a father anyway, in any sense. He has never met his little daughter and his life carries on exactly as it was before - smoking weed all day, drifting around and not attending to her in any sense as I do - either financially or emotionally.

rapunzelz86

RedSky wrote: »

And making someone a father against their will is not distressing?

.

Against his will? like as if she raped him? if you dont want the 0.001% chance of fathering a child even on contraception, dont have sex, simple as! men have such ridiculous excuses to get out of fatherhood, really!!

RedSky

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

But don't you see that they are necessarily secondary to, and are superseded by the rights of the mother for the reasons I give above?

If the father has no rights to decide a child is adopted then why should the mother have unequal rights to decide he must support it?

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

And in my case I don't quite see how the man in question is a father anyway, in any sense. He has never met his little daughter and his life carries on exactly as it was before.

I thought he did not want to be a father. Meeting his daughter and changing his life would be the action of a father.