Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

Aphroditesgirdle

Thanks for all of your contributions - they have given me a lot of food for thought.

In all honesty, I think there is absolutely no way I will get anywhere trying to negotiate anything with him. I very much expect that he has no idea the laws have any power to make him pay anything towards his child and that he probably believes I can't do anything with him in Sicily. He has so far refused to even acknowledge that she exists.

Just to add something to the discussion that went before - somebody asked me to consider why I would ask him for help. But I am not, in my opinion going to him cap in hand, so to speak. I think the reason I would take this route is to do all I can for my daughter. I have health problems which sometimes stop me from working so I am not completely self-sufficient. As another poster has just mentioned, I think it would be wrong to expect to bring her up with the support of the welfare system without having at least tried to get a contribution from her father. And then when she's older I can assure her that I did everything I could for her.

Aphroditesgirdle

Well I have his home address, his date of birth and also the address of the place he worked at for a year when he was in the UK so I would have thought they would have a reasonably good chance of tracing him somehow.....

PlayingHardball

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

I would definately advocate contacting remo after giving the father the opportunity to change his mind (when he realises there is nowhere to run;)) but you yourself have said that you have been on the process for a fair amount of time and I would definately advocate it as a last resort after giving him a final opportunity. I am sure that once he knows he will start to be pursued by the courts he will realise he HAS to contribute....and if he doesn't then remo it is:T

Sadly, if he isn't interested in his child, the last thing he will do is realise his responsibility financially, even with REMO or CSA-but law is on the OP's side. Sometimes REMO isn't a last resort, but an ONLY resort. Thank GOD for the Hague convention, especially in these circumstances! Otherwise, the case with the OP would be all too easy for the NRP who simply choose to remove themselves from their inconvenient financial responsibility.

chriszzz

PlayingHardball wrote: »

Hiya Chriszzzz,
Yes, your comment made me think of my friend who raised her child on her own. Her ex told her to 'get rid of 'it' and if she didn't, he didn't want to know'

The point I was making to OP is that she knows where the father is, and he is traceable. If it were me, I'd want to persue his financial responsibility, whether he planned on making baby or not!

I do admire what you did. Like my friend, you did a great job.

Hi Playinghardball,

I didnt think you were having ago at me, I just wanted to let you know, incase you thought that I was letting him off so to speak.

A lot has changed since my children were young and the csa were very lax in those old days, "am really not ancient honest".

I do wish you well with your quest with Remo! Has it been a success for you? Its must be awful to have to go to the lengths that you have, I say "Good on you" I hope you get what is rightly yours to help you financially with your child/ren

PlayingHardball

Chriszz....I know you weren't, I didn't take it that way at all

My friends son is 18, and yes, a lot has changed to support single Mums now, for the better.

Well, REMO....it is going 'ok' but it is a long process. If anything comes of it it will be great, if not, I did my best, as you say, for my daughter. Thank you. I hope the OP manages to make a decision based on her circumstances, as I did. I won't go into my circumstance, but REMO was the only option and like the OP's will be, the ex was SHOCKED that he would be followed even in other countries! I got last laugh on that one....P) Kind of felt good!

vaporate

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

Actually vaporate - the 'guy' has said !!!!!! all about it. He hasn't even had the decency to state his position on the matter.

Sounds very warped and confusing to me.

Lost anyone?

If I was in that position I'd be panicking like a demon to sort it out.

LizzieS_2

chriszzz wrote: »

[Qouted]When me and my ex split and I started claiming IS as a single mother, that was the only time the csa wanted to know anything about the nrp, they would ask you for a forwarding address of the ex, which obviously I never had a clue were he lived as he never offered that information. Its now been 22yrs and I still dont want or need to know. The csa never found were he was and were certainly not hot on his trails, hence he rejected all responsibility all by his self and got away with it emotionally and financially

So, I was a single mum, rearing her two children and when they were of school age, it was my time then to come off benefits and start to stand on my own two feet and help towards the finances. I never asked for society to pay for my children, my ex done that remarkably well.

If I had known where he lived then am sure i would of let csa know, as I do think that they have a responsibility to contribute financially, but now when i look back, we got threw it ok, his money probably wouldn't have made to much of a difference but his role of a father would of been more important in helping my children to develop and achieve a healthy balance to develop good relationships in their adult life.

The csa are more powerful today and are catching up with nrp, 22yrs ago they weren't

22 years ago the csa didn't exist!

By the time they came on the scene, your ex could have been anywhere.

As he wasn't part of your childrens lives and there's no contact (for whatever reasons he had), the scary thing is, he could be posting on here stating the arrears he is having to pay.

Not having a go at all - I just find it sad that your children are affected by him not giving emotional support.

chriszzz

LizzieS wrote: »

22 years ago the csa didn't exist! They might not of been known as the csa 22yrs ago, but when parents split up, they got in touch with the pwc for a forwarding address so that they could apply for maintenance, which I would of not received as I was on benefits

By the time they came on the scene, your ex could have been anywhere.

As he wasn't part of your childrens lives and there's no contact (for whatever reasons he had), the scary thing is, he could be posting on here stating the arrears he is having to pay. I really dont think he would be posting on here about arrears that he is NOT paying, he didnt give his kids the time of day, why would he want to start now?? (thats not directed at you by the way)

Not having a go at all - I just find it sad that your children are affected by him not giving emotional support.

Absolutely sad!! My kids wanted him in there life and that was hard for me and tough for them. So for me I really dont think the money is worth a thing, if I had to choose out of the two, contact or money, I would have no qualms but to go for contact, because thats the only thing that matters to me is the childrens happiness, unfortunately for the kids they never got either!

Aphroditesgirdle

Well guys would you believe that I now have fairly good reason to think he is working in the UK again at this moment.

If he is, and I know the address should I contact the CSA?

DX2

aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

well guys would you believe that i now have fairly good reason to think he is working in the uk again at this moment.

if he is, and i know the address should i contact the csa?

:d yes............