Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

Aphroditesgirdle

NJW69 - thanks for your perspective - I must say that that is something I had not considered fully. I suppose you are meaning that if I thought it would be best to cut contact with him for good, asking for child support would make that difficult to do completely and therefore it might not be worth it?

shell_542

vaporate wrote: »

What a load of crap of horse crap?


The guy said he doesnt want it but he girl has it anyway........... whos problem is it?

The guy's ... as it is law. A biological father has a responsibility and the CSA CAN force him to pay child support.

DX2

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

NJW69 - thanks for your perspective - I must say that that is something I had not considered fully. I suppose you are meaning that if I thought it would be best to cut contact with him for good, asking for child support would make that difficult to do completely and therefore it might not be worth it?

Child support and contact are two different matters altogether.

shell_542

DX2 wrote: »

Child support and contact are two different matters altogether.

In the eyes of the law they are ... in the minds of the parents, they can be connected as can be seen on this forum. Someone thinking contacting the CSA will force an NRP to pursue contact in spite for example.

NJW69

Again law or morality are not always relevant to individual circumstances as these vary significantly. I am the product of divorced parents who were married and money can sometimes clouds issues. This was a 'love' marriage of childhood sweethearts that over time deteriorated after a 20 year period. I am also married to a divorcee who has contact and has always paid towards their children and I have always counted these children as mine. However if I was in the OPs situation I would have to have a real sit down and understand the full implications of asking for involvement of a man who has made it clear they don't want to be involved. I have always been in a position that should I have to have to I would have been able to support any children myself. Thankfully I haven't had to do this as I'm married and we both contribute but I have always had in the back of my mind that I would not 'force' any contribution that wasn't offered as I wouldn't think this would promote either mine or the childs wellbeing. If there is a reliance on benefits then the contribution of an absent father would not benefit the mother. If I was absolutely set on trying to get the fathers involvement then this would be for the role they could play in the life of the child rather then as an absent parent who made a financial contribution. I have had contact with my Dad throughout my life and he has contributed financially (in a very small way) even though this has been through official arrangments. The money thing actually made little difference as my Mum was pretty self-sufficient but what would have made the difference was having a real involvement on a day to day basis from my Father. This is irreplaceable. It sounds from your situation that this influence in your childs life will not be there and therefore I don't understand what benefit you would get from pursuing the father. Again you need to reflect on any benefits their may be for you or your child in any course of action you follow. I wish you well. My very very best achievement has been having my lovely son, who is now 18. I have gained three different degrees, a lovely home, nice car, holidays etc etc but I think you will need to concentrate on the achievement, that cannot be topped by anything else, on what you have and that is 'your' beautiful child. Don't let anything else distract you. It is easy to be distracted by what could be or what 'should' be. Time passes very quickly and any time you spend in what may turn out to be a lost cause may be time you could have devoted elsewhere.

To try to head off those who may be quick to respond. I'm a working class girl, of divorced parents, married to a divorcee and we have mixed race children. I think I have a balanced view as a mother, child and partner. I don't expect my views to be those supported by anyone else but add them to the wider debate that I think the OP was looking for.

Aphroditesgirdle

'However if I was in the OPs situation I would have to have a real sit down and understand the full implications of asking for involvement of a man who has made it clear they don't want to be involved.'

I understand where you're coming from but as I see it, I would not have to have direct contact with him so what problems do you think could arise from trying to get him to make a contribution financially?

LizzieS_2

No idea what NJW69 meant, except perhaps look at all future implications of whatever you decide and think of all the possible outcomes, eg

As he doesn't want to be involved, he is not going to make it easy to force a financial contribution - you will spend a lot of time getting help through Remo.

Once faced with having to contribute towards his child, he may then decide to become a parent to the child in the contact sense - pity it takes financial assistance to do that.

What he is most likely to do is throw the toys out of the pram - knowing he did not want contact, he will turn it round in 18 years if child contacts him to say that it was your fault he didn't see child as he couldn't afford to pay and visit.

Dancing_Shoes

If you are happy to pursue him for money as the father of your child then you need to be equally happy to contact him and start the lines of communication so that your child can build a relationship with their father......otherwise its just about the money:rolleyes:

chriszzz

Absolutely agree with DS on this one, there seems to be some pwc who are only interested in the money and not the relationship with child and NRP.

If a NRP wants contact with his child/ren and PWC with-holds contact but wants the money then I personally think they should not get it.

I think NRP who don't want contact should be paying csa to his child/ren.

I think NRP who wants contact and is paying csa towards his children and the PWC with-holds contact, then I think there should be a law where if PWC is interfering with contact just because they can (usually because their vindictive) should have the money stopped until contact is regained.

I dont expect anyone to agree with me, this is my own personal feelings on PWC who are only interested in the money.

Aphroditesgirdle

chriszzz wrote: »

Absolutely agree with DS on this one, there seems to be some pwc who are only interested in the money and not the relationship with child and NRP.

If a NRP wants contact with his child/ren and PWC with-holds contact but wants the money then I personally think they should not get it.

I think NRP who don't want contact should be paying csa to his child/ren.

I think NRP who wants contact and is paying csa towards his children and the PWC with-holds contact, then I think there should be a law where if PWC is interfering with contact just because they can (usually because their vindictive) should have the money stopped until contact is regained.

I dont expect anyone to agree with me, this is my own personal feelings on PWC who are only interested in the money.

At the moment he is obviously not interested in his child but if he decided at some point in the future that he wanted to see her, I would not stop him, and equally if she wants to find him when she's older I would not do anything to militate against that.