Is it worth trying to get child support from this man?

RedSky

Loopy_Girl wrote: »

So could it then be said that if a condom i.e a 'male' contraception failed, then he morally should pay CS as it was 'his fault'?

To me, that statement says - the one who took responsibility is at fault and the one who took no responsibility is faultless.

shell_542

For me I think its the particulars of the argument. Men (should at least) know that having sex = risking pregnancy because no contraception is 100% reliable. So they should think about it before "doing the deed". But the argument that "he had sex, he got someone pregnant so he should face up to the consequences and tough" I find hypocritical. A woman doesn't have to. To some the thought of abortion/adoption/MAP is a big no no, but it doesn't detract from the fact that the option to "not face up to the consequences" is there and taken up by many women. IF a man has to face up to the consequences no matter what then I think a woman should. Ie no abortions unless for medical reasons which would include the affect the pregnancy would have on the woman's mental health.

MrsTinks

But DO all men realise that the pill isn't 100%?
I'm not actually sure all blokes realise that... and even if they do then do they realise that a lot of women wouldn't "have it taken care of" because it's not something a lot of people discuss really...

And yes I to enjoy the fact that we can have an adult debate about something like this without it turning into an out and out fist fight I'm not saying someone will change my oppinions but they may certainly give me new perspectives to consider

I don't think the woman would be "forced" into abortion - after all she more than the man realises the risks of pregnancy (well you'd have thought at least...) and will have had the chats about 98% etc (I do assume it was mentioned to me... although I sincerely cannot recall it...) and therefor if the woman knows she does not want a child but won't/can't abort then surely the onus should be on her to prevent the situation arising? Yes it's unfair that the responcibility to not fall pregnant should fall more on one partner than the other, but I think that's more the fault of mother nature than anything. Ultimately the woman has to carry the child (or make the choice not to) and therefor the primary responcibility is hers.

In the case of a condom splitting - you know if it has or not and then there is the MAP. It's no-ones fault as such, but again the decision on what action to take is the womans...

shell_542

Men should know. Either from school sex ed, reading themselves, chatting with friends or most importantly in my opinion ... taught by their parents. That is something I shall be drumming into our children.

Aphroditesgirdle

Mrs T - so you think it's my fault because my coil failed?? I disagree. The man agrees to the circumstances of not using a condom (and mine didn't want to!) If the man has reached adulthood and is still ignorant that no contraception is 100% that is not a valid reason why he shouldn't pay child support. I doubt I would get much sympathy if I came on here and said I didn't realise my coil wasn't 100% effective. We both agreed on the risk beforehand.

Dancing_Shoes

To put it a different way, as you decided to have your child (irrespective of who's contraception failed) and you knew he didn't want a child do you feel its fair that you pursue him for child support?

This is NOT my opinion just a question;)

Loopy_Girl

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

To put it a different way, as you decided to have your child (irrespective of who's contraception failed) and you knew he didn't want a child do you feel its fair that you pursue him for child support?

This is NOT my opinion just a question;)

Yes because no contraception is 100% fail safe so both parties should have to take full responsibility for the outcome and as it is a woman who carries and delivers or chooses to abort the baby (and THAT argument lies with God!!) then the prospective Father should have to abide by that decision.

I often wonder if it was men that got pregnant if they would be so lax with the condom and checking of contraception issue.....

Aphroditesgirdle

Dancing_Shoes wrote: »

To put it a different way, as you decided to have your child (irrespective of who's contraception failed) and you knew he didn't want a child do you feel its fair that you pursue him for child support?

This is NOT my opinion just a question;)

Is that a rhetorical question? Actually, he didn't give his opinion at the time and when I asked for it he said 'I don't know'. I've already addressed this point, earlier in the thread dancing shoes. I have said that abortion should not be considered a default option (and wasn't for me) because of the psychological and health implications. So I didn't 'decide' to have a child - it was the only option I could take and I didn't make the decision lightly.

I am rather disappointed by the misogynistic overtones in parts of this thread and the 'men are all useless anyway - we can't expect them to understand contraception so they can be let off' perspective that seems so abundant in our society, generally.

Loopy_Girl

Aphroditesgirdle wrote: »

Is that a rhetorical question? Actually, he didn't give his opinion at the time and when I asked for it he said 'I don't know'. I've already addressed this point, earlier in the thread dancing shoes. I have said that abortion should not be considered a default option (and wasn't for me) because of the psychological and health implications. So I didn't 'decide' to have a child - it was the only option I could take and I didn't make the decision lightly.

I am rather disappointed by the misogynistic overtones in parts of this thread and the 'men are all useless anyway - we can't expect them to understand contraception so they can be let off' perspective that seems so abundant in our society, generally.

No , men would like us to think that they are blase when it comes down to contraception but I'm sorry at the end of the day, most of them don't give a toss as they know they can walk away if they want.

As I said to my ex - when I got the 'it's your fault as your Pill failed', nothing stopping you whacking a condom on your knob was there? Not my fault sweetie...I done what I could and it failed so we BOTH deal with the consequences.

RedSky

Why is the reference always to only one choice "have a child or abort"? Abortion is controversial and can only be a woman's choice, why is the decision not "have a child or give to adoption"?

Both men and women are responsible for contraception. If both the man and woman choose to raise the child then both are responsible. If there is a difference of opinion and only one person (either the man or woman) decides to raise the child then they take sole responsibility.

Giving up a child you wanted, for adoption, is distressing. Having a child you did not want is also distressing.