Just found out have a 6 yr old what to do for the best?!

Seh1985

That is really horrible for you to grow up thinking that your mum wasnt who you thought she was, was it your dads new partner that raised you? so you still lived with your dad?
we think it is the mothers ex best friend who told us they were friends up until the mother slept with her partner, dont know the time scale on it all but it was after her 3 year old was born i believe, i know this woman and bumped into her and she has said its true and there was no one else on the scene at the time and that the little girl is very like my partner.
if she refuses dna test and denies sleeping with him will the courts give dna?

kindofagilr

The sooner the child knows the better, your OH needs DNA tests

Oldernotwiser

sarahemmiehowell wrote: »

because my partner didnt agree to be an annon sperm donor and my children have a possible sister walking around the same town we live in!? also doesnt a child has a right to know who they really are not who mummy decides they should be? you think its ok for this girl to be lied to her whole life?

I think that what you're suggesting is one of the most cruel things I've ever heard. Sometimes it's necessary to have to tell a child something like this but to do so just because your oh wants to play at being daddy? It's like one of the worst sort of Jeremy Kyle programmes - put the child first!

kiddy_guy

The mother failed to put the child first. Two wrongs don't make a right, but the mother is completely to blame here, and now the real father wants to do the right thing.

Putting the child first would be to tell the child. Imagine getting to 18 or 20 or older and then finding you've been lied to your entire life about who your father is.

Seh1985

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

I think that what you're suggesting is one of the most cruel things I've ever heard. Sometimes it's necessary to have to tell a child something like this but to do so just because your oh wants to play at being daddy? It's like one of the worst sort of Jeremy Kyle programmes - put the child first!

The child has been put in an situation that it shouldnt be in, my partner is going to stand by his responsibilitys and suport his child, he is not trying to 'play daddy' we have our own children and hes very good at 'being' daddy all im suggesting is that a the little girl should know who her real father is and that she has other brothers and sisters.

thankyou for your opinion and in my opinion it is cruel to lie to someone about who they are regardless of whether they have someone else as a father figure or not

Mojisola

It's especially important to know the truth because they all live in the same small place. If it was kept a secret, how would the OP and her OH deal with it if their son started going out with his half-sister?

BilberryCharlotte

Oldernotwiser wrote: »

It sounds like the mother has got the best idea in all this. The child seems to be settled in a family unit with two parents; your oh was merely the sperm donor and is best keeping out ot it, as the mother's requested. Why would anyone want to do anything so awful to a child as to tell them something like this unnecessarily?

Perhaps when the child is older she may need to know her family history for medical reasons. I feel every child should know who their biological parents are, but they (the parents) may have to choose carefully when to tell the child.

Oldernotwiser

Mojisola wrote: »

It's especially important to know the truth because they all live in the same small place. If it was kept a secret, how would the OP and her OH deal with it if their son started going out with his half-sister?

That's the only reason I could see for doing this but how can anyone know where they'll be living in 10 years time? They could all be living miles away.

However, it's still the mother's decision - you can't have some strange man barging into a 6 year old's life and saying "I'm your father".

GSXRCarlos

be mindful that if he his the father then she could ask for child support.

I have a freind who supported his daughter by other means (not CSA) and when things got nasty (they always get nasty with money) mother of child threatened CSA, he had to justify that he'd paid all this money out for her up-bringing.

Be aware that mother of child can also claim for the last 6 years of CSA payments, as so far your OH has not contributed. Whether Mother fo Child will do this is anyones guess, but please be prepared for this

p00hsticks

sarahemmiehowell wrote: »

because my partner didnt agree to be an annon sperm donor

You mean he didn't voluntarily have sex with her without using contraception ?