waiting for police to arrest my husband

Tulip

zztopgirl wrote: »

I totally forgot too, that i treated myself to a lovely new handbag and some make up, and had lunch with a friend yesterday.:beer:

Couldnt do that when i was with him, was made to feel guilty if i ever wanted to spend money on myself, all the money went on him.

A great start already well done keep it up

Katie

Minimum_Wage_2

Hi ZZtopgirl,
This is your time now and its only right that you should pamper yourself! Hope the weekend is going well for you and your spending some quality time with your daughter. Also have fun tonight and let your hair down to have some good old fun. have a good laugh and do what you want. Your doing good, just keep your chin up and keep going.

zztopgirl

Have got my odd here and finding it so hard to stay strong, is ages since i seen my kids thanks to him but know i am lucky, it could have been much worse. Its hard to see a future at the moment and maybe im pushing myself too hard, but keep thinking i have only been a wife for 2 months, am supposed to be happy, he is supposed to be here and being a caring supportive husband. Have started having panic attacks and managed to avoid taking a diazepam last night, but i suppose this is only to be expected after what he put me through.

Maybe the hardest thing is he got rid of some furniture, smashed my mobile up (it still works ok though) and now i had to get rid of tv and tv licence as couldnt afford to keep them, i have a SOA from debts from my previous ex and am keeping my head well above water, but just miss the tv at the moment. But keep thinking of him that he will be permanently parked in front of the tv at his mums house, but must remind myself that he has no friends, nobody cares about him, he is barely tolerated, i was so blind to it when i was with him but feel an idiot now.

Am going to chase odd to have a bath, then sit and watch a dvd in bed, we have had a takeaway for tea and she is on my mums dsi.

Minimum_Wage_2

it doesn't matter about material things, what really counts is you, your daughters and the love.
to be honest what is there to watch on tv now a days? All it is now is repeats and crappy soaps so getting rid of that was the best thing. Try not to depend on drugs to get you through this unless you really have to. Do this for yourself and your kids!

MinnieMoo_2

Well Done so far...

Life will be upsy downy for a while, don't worry, remain as calm as you can. if you feel like having a cry, do so, but keep to the therapy hour (45mins) and then 5 mins to reflect on why you had to cry. Crying is extremely cathartic.

Tell your friends not to inform you if he has been in touch with them. This is another form of controlling you(r emotions). If you want to talk about your situation, that is different but please please try the therapy hour. Too long in a negative mind space can leave you in a horrible place.

Don't fret about the TV & licence, etc., Listen to Radio 4 instead.... its full of interesting things: current affairs programmes, the mighty Womens Hour; plays, soap (the Archers); the 10.45 pm book at bedtime..... I haven't had a TV since April and don't miss it. If there is anything I really want to watch, then we stream it.

Join your local library and read.... You will get an amazing amount of self satisfaction by reading and expanding your knowledge. It also sets a great example to your children and can create a sharing point when you discuss the books you are reading.

Having been in your situation (mental abuse) I do girl things to make me feel good... for example I get my hair cut and coloured every eight weeeks, at the local Toni & Guy chains model class. Great hairdressing at discounted rates. I don't know if you have a T&G however, other chains and local colleges have the same type of class. Colleges might do beauty courses. Don't be shy, just walk in... Self nourishment is absolutly high priority at this time and actually for always. I had my long hair chopped off as a statement and felt much better!! I'm now growing it again.

Someone, I can't remember who suggested that you get a dog if you want a friend to cuddle upto... I'm a dog person however, cats can do as good a job and might be cheaper to run...

Have you got a blender? There may be days when you can't face eating and home made soup is a great comforter and doesn't require chewing.

Have you got rid of his stuff yet?
If not then do so, however please make an itemized list, keep the list for yourself, just in case he suggests that you have stolen his possessions. Give a copy (dated) to your solictor. Get him to sign for his posssessions by the PC that drops them off.

If you want your stuff back, again itemize the list, as clearly as possible, descriptions, etc., and then whatever is missing you can add to the case against him, same for your mobile.

Give your solicitor the number for his ex wife, they can ascertain if she is willing to go to court and be witness against him.

Good luck with everything; stay focussed (on your family) and stay calm. Life will improve day by day.

Min

zztopgirl

MinnieMoo wrote: »

Well Done so far...

Life will be upsy downy for a while, don't worry, remain as calm as you can. if you feel like having a cry, do so, but keep to the therapy hour (45mins) and then 5 mins to reflect on why you had to cry. Crying is extremely cathartic.

Tell your friends not to inform you if he has been in touch with them. This is another form of controlling you(r emotions). If you want to talk about your situation, that is different but please please try the therapy hour. Too long in a negative mind space can leave you in a horrible place.

Don't fret about the TV & licence, etc., Listen to Radio 4 instead.... its full of interesting things: current affairs programmes, the mighty Womens Hour; plays, soap (the Archers); the 10.45 pm book at bedtime..... I haven't had a TV since April and don't miss it. If there is anything I really want to watch, then we stream it.

Join your local library and read.... You will get an amazing amount of self satisfaction by reading and expanding your knowledge. It also sets a great example to your children and can create a sharing point when you discuss the books you are reading.

Having been in your situation (mental abuse) I do girl things to make me feel good... for example I get my hair cut and coloured every eight weeeks, at the local Toni & Guy chains model class. Great hairdressing at discounted rates. I don't know if you have a T&G however, other chains and local colleges have the same type of class. Colleges might do beauty courses. Don't be shy, just walk in... Self nourishment is absolutly high priority at this time and actually for always. I had my long hair chopped off as a statement and felt much better!! I'm now growing it again.

Someone, I can't remember who suggested that you get a dog if you want a friend to cuddle upto... I'm a dog person however, cats can do as good a job and might be cheaper to run...

Have you got a blender? There may be days when you can't face eating and home made soup is a great comforter and doesn't require chewing.

Have you got rid of his stuff yet?

Having a therapy hour is a really good idea, i dont cry at all, i cried all my tears when i was with him:mad: and feel so much better without him. I need to work on what happened, what went wrong, etc, but can never face doing it, so allowing myself appointments would maybe help?

Radio 4, i was in a taxi last week listening to a good programme, asked the taxi driver what it was and he told me, so i will make a point of tuning in tonight, i always have radio 2 on though. A change would be good. I love reading, have zillions of books lying unread as never had time before, the ex drained me so much.

Have decided that i'll ring the college on monday and book in for just about everything, i went earlier this year for a haircut, but have had manicures, massage, facials, etc many years ago, it will be good for me to fill in my time whilst i recover and i get feelgood factor out of it too.

I have told some friends not to mention him again, but he only contacts one mutual friend who has made his feelings clear to the ex that he doesnt want to know anymore and keeps putting the phone down, its usually me who sets the ball rolling and ending up upset though, so i must stop the negative behaviour. I need to inform everyone to not mention him, and to stop me if i start to talk about him, i am getting professional support starting next wednesday, and can talk about my ex then.

Have got my ferret to cuddle, but am worried that he will demand the ferret off me, but judging by one of my threads a while back on the pets board, about his black lab, i shouldnt need to worry, he clearly isnt a pet lover and would only try to get the ferret back as a means of abusing me.

I still have many of his belongings here, his wheelchair, etc, which are taking up alot of space but not a lot i can do. My dad took possession of a lot of things and thats another story and one that doesnt involve me (my parents were abused too) but doubt he will take my dad to court for the items back. He only has his mother on his side now and i have witnessed him being abusive to her, i am concerned about her wellbeing at the moment but i need to step back from this situation now and think only of myself and my children, if he goes to prison, gets released or further bailed, i cannot step in and tell her that her son is a sadistic abuser and she must cut him off for her own sanity, hopefully the rest of her family will tell her as they can see him in his true colours, whether she listens or not is another matter.

Thanks for a great post though, its given me a lot of strength:A

elfen

Am stealing this off the DFW thread where I wrote it:

Get a pic of him, some sticky stuff, a pen and a piece of paper.
1. Stick the picture to the paper
2. Draw a tasche, beard, devil horns, pitchfork and stink lines on the picture of him (and a tail if appropriate or amusing)
3. Write "Git" underneath the pic in BIG letters
4. Put said paper away safely
5. When you think of said git, get out paper, laugh at how ridiculous he is, the put away
6. Repeat as necessary, reminding yourself that you're much better than he is
7. When picture is not needed, burn or use as target practise at will.

If his stuff is there, could you get his mum to collect it so it doesn't clutter you up?

Primrose

I am sorry you have suffered so much domestic violence in your life. Make up your mind from this point onward that you will not get into another serious relationship with any man until you have been able to get your own issues sorted out. For your future emotional health I think it is very important for you to understand why you feel the need to be attracted to men to who are physically or mentally abusive to you. Do you lack self confidence? You have every right to be treated decently and not as a victim, so perhaps the first lesson for you, however hard it may feel, is to stop allowing yourself to feel a victim. Feel angry, not bullied. This will hopefully help you to adopt a more assertive attitude going forward. Once your locks are changed, you will be back in control of your own home again. Decide that this bully will no longer be allowed to get the better of you. I would be tempted to take all his belongings in a suitcase down to the pub and let him collect them from there. Can you enlist the support of any of your immediate neighbours in case he returns and starts getting aggressive. He obviously has serious issues of his own to come to terms with, but if your marriage is now over, I think you need to concentrate on yourself and try to look forward to the future.

leed

loved and totally agree with the suggestions Minnie Moo gave - but also try listening to ClassicFM - it can be really soothing and has some lovely music on it - not just old but modern composers as well.
Your doing a great job - keep being positive.
xx

zztopgirl

:Dis exactly 2 weeks since i started this thread:D that big cheesy grin just isnt wide enough!:j

Am on another down today, it feels like the abuse never happened, or that i was responsible for it, which is totally stupid as it definately did happen, my mum feels the same way too, am lucky in that aspect that he abused so many people and that im not alone, but i came off the worst though. Im still suffering ever so slightly but it keeps fading, time will heal eventually.